Tag: Woke Park Slope Moms

Day 40: Well, Isn’t This Ironic

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve gotten into something of a groove when it comes to the first stage of writing this Beta Draft. I HOPE that I can wrap up a “private” Second Draft within a week or so, which would give me a solid month to really work hard on editing and rewriting things as necessary before I began to Beta Reader process.

I fucking hate this test.

That’s the hope at least.

Once I turn the Second Draft over to Beta Readers, I’m going to begin not only think seriously about how I’m going to go about the querying process, but also think seriously about what novel I’m going to start working on next. I thought I had a really solid scifi novel concept to work on, only to discover that there’s a very popular series that uses the exact same concept.

As such, I think I may say fuck it and start to work on the second book in this projected six novel project. I need something to keep my writing momentum going, regardless.

I would also note that even though I FUCKING HATE the Bechdel Test — this novel actually passes it! I just have so many female characters in this novel that I’ve managed to come up with a conversation — or two — where two women are talking about something other than a man.

I’m sure I’ll fucking get canceled for some other fuck reason — probably for the simple fact that I’m a smelly boy frequently writing from a female POV — but whatever the fuck woke people. It’s always the most frustrating to me when people come at me from the cultural Left. I’m on your side! Maybe if you didn’t have your head up your ass with such a strict orthodoxy, we wouldn’t be facing the prospect of living in a fucking fascist state.

Ugh.

Could Phoebe Waller-Bridge Be The Next James Bond?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve heard some chatter here and about that Phoebe Waller-Bridge might be tapped to write and direct the next James Bond movie. She already did a touch up of the No Time To Die script and she apparently really impressed the James Bond family in the process.

Given the dynamics of Hollywood, it’s at least within the realm of possibility that Waller-Bridge might not only write and direct the next James Bond, but BE James Bond. How they would pull this particular hattrick off, I don’t know, but that’s why they pay them the big bucks.

They did kill James Bond off in the last movie, so anything is possible. Even though Waller-Bridge would do a great job as James Bond, if a woman was James Bond every “anti-woke” crusader worth their talking head status on Fox News would freak the fuck out in a very, very public manner.

And, remember, there were rumors that the producers of the next Indy movie wanted to use time-travel to reboot the franchise so Waller-Bridge would be the next Indy. Apparently, at least according to the dubious YouTube movie grapevine, that idea has been shelved.

Anyway, it will be interesting how things develop going forward. Waller-Bridge definitely is a very talented woman and of all the people I could think of who might bring back the good olde days of campy James Bond updated for modern sensibilities, Waller-Bridge is definitely at the top of the list.

Woke Hollywood Is Sexless Hollywood

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of the reasons why I’m so pleased with the appearance of the movie No Hard Feelings is it’s a saucy, spicy “hard comedy” like I remember back in the 1980s. With the rise of Hollywood’s bifurcation into Woke and Comic Book genre movies all the sauciness has been drained from the movie going experience.

I fucking hate this woke test.

It’s all very strange.

Most people explain it this way: with the rise of abundant online porn, the #MeToo moment and “intimacy co-ordinators” Hollywood has just given up on giving adults the type of entertainment they once had.

I definitely believe there is credence to this idea, just like there is credence to the idea that all the angry young men who might otherwise start a punk or rock band now are keyboard warriors on Reddit.

And, yet, the case could be made that if we go from the success of Cocaine Bear to an equally successful No Hard Feelings that all the quibbles that Hollywood has had about saucy, raunchy hard comedies will fade away.

Hollywood as it should be. Wink.

But the thing I’m worried about is sexless the “woke cancel culture mob” is when it comes to entertainment. Gen Z apparently wants everyone to be “realistic” (read: unattractive) in their media and they also totally “over” any sort of sexxy time in entertainment for some strange reason.

So, we have no sex and we have no rock and the only thing we have left is drugs.

It’s all very curious. But there is a market for adult-oriented, saucy entertainment like The Wolf of Wall Street, The Wedding Crashers and The Hangover.

So, there is a possibility that if No Hard Feelings is a hit that Jennifer Lawrence will join Tom Cruise as someone who “saved Hollywood’s ass.” I do wonder how much the pandemic is responsible for this New Era in Hollywood in the sense that it scared the ever living shit out of movie studio executives to the point that they decided to go back to basics.

‘Shut Up And Write’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Watching Fleabag and Daisy Jones & The Six has really stressed to me the need for well developed characters. What’s more Fleabag and Russian Doll have given me a nudge to be a big more provocative with some of the changes I’ve come up with when it comes to fleshing out the novel’s characters.

Women are going to either love or hate what I’ve come up with.

I honestly, at the moment, don’t know which is reaction to expect.

All I know is things are getting spicy in the way that modern adult readers of thrillers expect. Things getting spicy is a way of keeping tings serious and thought provoking.

But because I’m doing all of this in a creative vacuum….I just don’t know. It could go either way.

The Struggle Of Writing Female Characters As An Aspiring Male Author

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m extremely self-conscious about writing a novel that repeatedly has me writing from a female POV using third person intimate. There are even some “woke” Youngs who would say that, by definition, I shouldn’t even do such a thing. Slay the patriarchy and all that.

But if Stieg Larsson can sell millions of copies of his novels doing just that, I don’t see why I can’t. I suppose the case could be made that with the rise of the “woke” movement that audience expectations have changed since he did all that, but fuck it, I have my vision and I’m going to stick to it.

And, yet, I validate how often female readers complain about how bad male authors can be at depicting their female creations. I think a lot of this comes from over-excited authors who see writing from a female POV as their opportunity either be a woman or to design a character they want to fuck. This is very sloppy and lazy writing and only causes you to make a fool out of yourself.

So.

It’s one of those things were you just try to do the best you can and see what happens. No matter what you do as a creative, if you put yourself out there, someone, somewhere is going to complain that you’re not doing it right. All you can do is expect the absolute best of yourself and see what happens.

The Fucking Woke Hypocrisy of FilmTok Gets On My Nerves

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ok, I got beef with the film reviewing community of Tik-Tok. Too often, they go out of their fucking woke way to shit on movies like Avatar — Way of Water for some bullshit woke reason.

Fuck this test.

And, yet, they liked Babylon?

I don’t get it. I really liked Babylon, too, but you would think the tender hearted people of woke FilmTok would not be able to bear how gratuitous and over the top the movie was. I’m reminded of the one time I used Twitter clone Mastodon, only to be driven off the service by fucking woke cocksuckers who jumped on me the moment I didn’t follow their strict woke orthodoxy. They, too, did not see the contradiction when they told me they like Dave Chappelle and Richard Pryor.

It’s because of bullshit like that that we’re probably going to lose our democracy. When “cultural Leftists” have such a strict orthodoxy that they attack anyone who doesn’t know the ends and outs of their “woke” agenda that the efforts to keep America a democracy falls into serious, serious trouble.

I just had to get that out of my system. I fucking hate the woke orthodoxy because of how dangerous it is for democracy. Sometimes you want to tell a story that will “trigger” people — because that’s the whole point! The issue should be telling a great story, not if two women have a conversation about something other than a man.

Fuck that.

My frustration with the “woke” agenda grows the better my first novel gets. Given how much representation there is in this novel — and who I am as a CIS white male — half the readership will think I’m too woke and half its audience will think I’m an evil representative ogre of the patriarchy because I’m writing from a non-white, non-male POV at times. (Ok, maybe a lot.)

But that’s my vision and I’m willing to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune over it.

The Struggle to Develop An Iconic Heroine

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I continue to improve this novel as I transition from first to second draft, something really is hitting me in the face — I’m going to up my game when it comes to the framework supporting the personality of my heroine. The reason is, she can’t just be a Mary Sue that is “strong” because that’s just the way she is. Ripley (below) from the Alien franchise is a good example of the ideal type of “strong female character” in fiction.

I have give her flaws and establish that there are consequences for her being who she is. That’s the thing about Lisbeth Salander — she was very strong but she also was so whacked out that if you met her in real life she would scare the shit out of you.

I know the general plot of the story I’m working on very, very well. As such, I find myself ruminating on some of the crazy things I need my heroine to be able to do. She can’t be any wallflower. She’s got to have true grit. To the point that that, unto itself, will bring with it character flaws and conflict with other characters as she moves the plot along.

I really enjoy developing female characters because it’s such a challenge and is so fraught with the potential for me to make a massive fool and or asshole out of myself as a CIS white male (as the hep cats say these days about people like me.)

I’m beginning to grow a little nervous as to how late in the game this realization is coming to me. I’m going to have to rework a lot of the story so my heroine is moves the plot along and isn’t so fucking passive as she is currently. Anyway, I have a long ways to go and a short time to get there.

Wish me luck.

It’s When People Come At Me From The Political Left That I Don’t Know What To Do

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I continue to brood about what, exactly, is the “woke cancel culture mob” and if it even exists. At the moment, all I know is that being “woke” simply means whatever it needs to mean so Ron DeSantis gets closer to being POTUS. That’s it — it means everything and nothing.

And, yet, from my own personal experiences on Twitter, there definitely does seem to be a small, but vocal, group of people who would fit the description of being “woke.” I think a better description of them would be “cultural Leftists.” They tend to be extremely touchy about things like pronouns, being “triggered,” the broadest, most complex definition of a what a “woman” is, all the while being totally oblivious to the rise of cold, hard MAGA Nazism.

They’re so busy making people like me who are generally on their side feel bad for not following their very strict orthodoxy about this or that “woke” thing that they totally miss that, in the end, both they the “woke” and me the “unwoke” could endup in the same Trump branded weaponized ICE camp. I’m sure I’m stumbling across some sort of political rule of thumb about how fascism takes over a democracy.

I think what’s most important is that, in general, the center-Left really needs to work on its messaging. When I have to spend five minutes wading through the “anti-MAGA people are all woke members of the cancel culture mob who want to turn everyone gay” narrative from my Traditionalist relatives whenever I try to talk to them about politics — American democracy has a problem.

It’s so bad that it is literally impossible for my Traditionalist relatives to distinguish between Democrats and pretty much the spawn of gay satan…oh boy. All I know is, the “gay scare” of 2022 – 2023 is alive and well in my little corner of the universe. I just want my otherwise sane Traditionalist relatives to help me defeat MAGA Nazism…but they’re just too consumed with the cultural wars to even think about it seriously.

All of this is very touchy and difficult to write about because, well, the “woke cancel culture mob” is known to fly off the handle if you don’t totally, absolutely agree with them on their most extreme positions. Which, of course, proves me point.

Anyway, I fucking hate MAGA Nazis. I just wish cultural Leftists would be willing to cool it and work with more centrist people like me to defeat the rise of fascism in the United States.

In Defense Of Male Authors Writing From A Woman’s POV In Fiction

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I go where this novel takes me. And when I started this latest version of this story, or put another way, when I decided to start the story not in late 2019 but in early 1995, I had no idea where things would take me. But, here I am. Staring at my computer screen trying my best to write a scene from my heroine’s POV as she swoons for a dude she ultimately has sex with.

I’m well aware that “woke” people think that by definition, I’m being transgressive by even attempting such a thing. To them a man can never use his imagination to write from a female point of view — no matter what. It’s like some immutable law of nature or something.

Fuck that.

If I’m going to tell the story I want to tell, then not only am I going to use third person intimate to depict a woman going on a date, I’m also going to write from the POV of a nearly 16-year-old boy. That’s just the story I want to tell because I know, in the end, the payoff will be huge in the sense that fans of this project (if they ever exist) will have five more novels (at at least) to look forward to.

I say this even as I am well aware that I have to be very careful how I proceed. I have to be very careful in what I write, very conservative about how I go about things. If I don’t, then I’m going to make a fool out of myself and join a legion of other male writers who write about “girl stuff” and do nothing but embarrass themselves and cause women to giggle.

I guess the point is — don’t assume I can’t pull this kind of stuff off just because of who I am. I do have an imagination, you know. And, for the purposes of art and fiction I’m willing to — very carefully — wade into the problematic and perilous waters of being a middle age CIS white man writing from a woman’s POV in third person intimate.

I totally get why some “woke” people hate on my ilk for doing what I’m attempting to do. I totally validate it. And, yet, those people can suck it if they say I totally prohibited, by definition, from even doing it to begin with. Judge me for what I can do, not for who I am.

The Existential Nature of a CIS White Male Writing a Novel With an Amerasian Heroine

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The more I learn about how novels are actually bought and marketed the more I begin to realize there may be some existential issues that I just can’t wiggle my way out of.

There are two such issues that are giving me serious pause for thought. One is that my protagonist is a POC — specifically Amerasian. The idea that THAT would make it more difficult to sell my novel kind of boggles my mind. Any modern American story has to address that American is browning and, as such, not every story can be just a bunch of white people talking to each other.

Having a non-White heroine — who, in my mind, looks a lot like Olivia Munn — is existential to the story I want to tell. And I’ve come up with a really interesting, clever story that I think is engaging and will appeal to people who liked stories like Mare of Easttown and Stieg Larsson’s stuff.

The other existential issue is, of course — me. The idea that a middle aged CIS white male would write a novel with a non-white heroine as its protagonist is, unto itself a big issue with the “woke cancel culture mob.” And the fact that I would write in the third person intimate POV and I shift POVs is another issue that could cause a lot of problems. Or not. Maybe I’m being paranoid.

This was a huge issue in the controversy around the novel “American Dirt” which was written, as I understand it, by a white woman. It told the story of, I think, an undocumented Latinx.

There are two lesser issues. One is, well, how I hope to make it clear over the course of these six novels how much I fucking hate Trumplandia. I hate it with the hate equal to the center of the sun. I suppose if I actually sold this first novel, my political views would become known and that, unto itself, might turn some people off.

Meanwhile, there is the still very nebulous prospect that Something Big and Bad might happen in late 2024, early 2025, to the point that it will be difficult for any novel I sell to actually be read because either people will be dodging explosions or a weaponized ICE will start to knock heads.

But I would like to think that, maybe, if I manage to write a good enough story that all of these obstacles might not be such such an issue. I am also the first to admit that this project is based on delusion and me having a huge ego. And, yet, lulz. Why not?

All of this gives me something to think about. Something to focus on other than how I’m about to be 50 and have nothing to my name other than a failed expat magazine in Seoul.