Tag: Woke Park Slope Moms

Back In The Saddle Again

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

After a bit of self-doubt recently, I’m again working hard on the third draft of this novel. I have printed out the first half of the second act and I hope to get through it pretty quickly.

Believe.

I still have a fair deal of writing and rewriting to do, but I’m confident that I will get to the midpoint of the novel a lot quicker than I had thought. What really keeps me going is not only what an interesting story I’ve come up with, but how the novel tells a cogent, coherent story.

It’s not at all the story I had expected to tell when I started this journey several years ago, but it’s A Story, which is all that matters.

And I’m aware that the story is “racy” at times. And, yet, I don’t think there’s anything about the story I can’t finesse through editing. But just introducing the idea of my heroine owning a strip club introduces an element of “raciness” that I just can’t avoid.

My heroine has the same phenotype as Corrie Yee.

There’s not much point in introducing such a unique element to the story without leaning into it and exploring as many weird angles as possible. I am also very aware that if I magically manage to successfully pitch this novel that the “part-time sex worker” angle of things is all anyone will want to talk about, especially in marketing of the novel.

And that element of the novel might make the “woke cancel culture mob” very, very angry with me. Of course, if I was an undocumented trans woman, they would praise me for how I was showing women using their sexuality in an empowering manner. I just can’t win. I can’t help who I am and I try my best to be as empthetic as possible to the female experience.

But I’m a smelly CIS white male — and a middle aged one at that! — so I should just twiddle my thumbs in bed and stare at the ceiling until I drop dead.

Lulz.

Anyway. I hope to zoom through the first half of the second act and reach the midpoint of the novel pretty soon.

Angst Over How The ‘Woke Cancel Culture Mob’ Will React To My Heroine Being A Part-Time Sex Worker

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The thing about the “woke cancel culture mob” is, you can never predict how they will react. Now, let me be clear, I use the term “woke cancel culture mob” in a very sardonic way. It’s all a big lulz to me — I know what I’m doing with this novel and fuck you (wink) — but the tender sensibilities of some in the modern reading audience is something I worry about.

It would all be different if I was an undocumented trans woman. THEN, the fact that my heroine was a part-time sex worker would be something to praise, not go crazy over. But, I can’t change who I am or how old I am.

I often find myself pondering if I’ve totally screw up my making my heroine a part-time stripper. She is so much more than that, but that’s the thing everyone will focus on. And that doesn’t even begin to address the issue of how this novel might be marketed if I should somehow win the lottery and actually sell it.

The curious thing about the Youngs who are so fucking “woke” is how much they distain any sex at all. It’s all very curious to me. Sex is a part of being an adult and, as such, it is something that you are inevitably going to broach if you want to tell a modern, adult yarn.

But, I get it. I really do — just the idea of a smelly middle aged CIS white male thinking up a heroine who is a part time stripper is enough to make women in their early twenties want to do a few Tik-Toks in protest.

I am generally pleased with how this novel is shaping up, come what may. If nothing else, having my heroine be a part-time stripper will evoke SOME sort of emotion from the reading audience, one way or another.

T & A: Struggling With How To Depict Female Characters In The Age Of The ‘Woke Cancel Culture Mob’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I really enjoy developing and writing female characters because it’s so much more of a challenge than male characters. And YET, the whole notion of me, a smelly CIS white male, writing from a female point of view is fraught with potential problems.

Ugh. ‘Woke’ people.

There are so young women on Tik-Tok are quite strident in their belief that, by definition, I can not write from a female POV. And that is just the beginning of what the potential creative landmines I have to deal with when I do something as now-provocative as write from a female POV.

Again, as an aside, let me be clear — had I know what a potential pain in the ass doing any of this would be, I wouldn’t have done it. But I studied Stieg Larsson’s original Millennium series and HE wrote from a female POV all the time so when I started working on what could now be a seven novel project…I didn’t really give it much thought.

From what I can tell of the “woke cancel culture mob” Tik-Toks I get pushed on occasion, one big quibble that some “woke” readers have is the what they feel is the gratuitous tendency for male authors — like me — to talk about tits and ass.

As someone who actually writing a novel, I really struggle with the idea that this is some big deal. One of the thing that is so appealing about female as opposed to male characters is there is so much to work with. Because women are so much more judged on what they look like than men, the writer — that would be me — has a lot to work with.

This is the general phonotype of my heroine.

So, the issue of how big my female character’s breasts might be is actually pertinent — in my view — when it comes to describing her to the audience. Hell, Stieg Larsson spend a long-ish scene talking about how and why Lisbeth Salander got breast implants. This is especially important when should there be a need to give the reading audience some sense of the character’s self-perception.

All of this sturm and drang about how horrible it is that smelly CIS white males like me talking about tits and ass gives me a great deal of self-conscious stress. I just want to present my female characters as interesting and engaging as possible and sometimes I feel that I need to, in a matter-of-fact kind of way describe their bodies and their self-perception and interaction with them.

The ‘woke’ always have their eye on you. Wink.

It should not be that big a deal if I do it all in a non-salacious manner. I’m WELL AWARE that some ding-dong male authors use their female character as an opportunity to design characters they clearly want to fuck.

Ok, I get it.

While we’re on the subject of female characters, I must note that my one big quibble about Stieg Larsson’s work is how ALL of his female characters are good. It seems a disservice to both the story and the audience for there to be no female characters who are not on the side of good.

Now, obviously, I haven’t really read the post-Larsson novels published by his estate, so that issue may have been fixed.

Anyway. What do I know. I’m a smelly CIS white male. I should nothing at all but sit in my dark bedroom, twiddle my thumbs and stare at the ceiling.

Things Are Moving Along At A Nice Clip With The Third Draft Of My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I spent all morning writing out scenes and I hope — hope — to throw myself into similar writing this afternoon. It definitely seems that, barring something I can’t predict, that I am still on track to wrap up the third draft of this novel no later than July 22 — the 20th anniversary of my first trek to Asia in 2004.

Barfly makes good.

I’m really leaning into character with this latest attempt at a third draft. And, what’s more, I’m really smoothing out the rough edges of the plot. Scenes no longer can be moved around without regard for where they are in the outline. That comes from how stable — in general — the plot of the novel is at the moment.

All of this is happening in the context of me continuing to worry about what the fucking “woke cancel culture mob” will think of me, a smelly CIS white male, writing from a female POV. I TRY to be as empathic as possible and to make it clear that I “get it” when it comes to what women may experience. And, yet, I could be fucking Darren Star and there will be young women on Tik-Tok who simply can not accept that a middle aged dude like me can possibly write from a female POV.

Ugh. Woke people.

But, slings and arrows, as they say.

I just want to tell a great yarn and it just so happened that the story I want to tell involves me writing scenes from a female POV. When I started this project, I simply followed what Stieg Larsson did. I had no idea that it would be such a fucking big deal that I might write from the POV of a woman. Had I known that it was even an issue, I probably would have constructed the novel differently.

And, yet, lulz. I want this novel to be an old brown shoe for people who have read the original Millennium novels written by Larsson while he was alive, so there you go.

I hope my novel will appeal to readers who liked The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

Having said all that, I am really pleased with how this novel is shaping up. It definitely may be too long — which is a real problem — but the story is coherent, cohesive and cogent. It tells a story that is engaging enough that maybe a few people — who don’t even know me! — will feel enough interest to actually finish the damn thing.

Never Meet Your Heroes

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Marc Andreessen changed my life. And, but for the hard wiring of my synapsis, could have made me a billionaire. “I was there,” as the song goes, in the early days of the Web when the first web browser Mosaic, that he designed, was released. I was in college and I immediately realized the potential of this new technology.

If I had a different type brain, I probably would have become a programmer and made my billions in some Web startup as part of the general dotcom boom of the mid-to-late-90s. But, alas, I’m a big old doofus and just know how to write and take pictures.

So.

Why do I bring all of this up?

Well, Andreessen implied tonight on Twitter that the “woke cancel culture mob” is analogous to the excesses of the Chinese Cultural Revolution. There is so much to unpack there.

First, it’s clear that Andreesen has turned into one of those Red Pilled fascist tech bros who would are obsessed with the culture wars to the point that they would give up their American birthright of democracy in exchange for low-to-no-taxes.

Ugh.

Having said that, let’s look close at what he suggests — does he have a point?

Hmmm. This is an interesting question. The issue is, social media has made the weaponization of shaming on a mass scale for the stupidest shit really easy. And, yet, Andreesen is being an asshole to suggest that the “woke cancel culture mob” can be equated with the weird, fucked up shit of the Cultural Revolution.

The two are just not the same.

Oh no, something woke!

The worst that happens to someone who is “canceled” for having views that don’t fit the media narrative is…they become a talking head on Fox News as a martyr to the cause? And sometimes, they face NO accountability other than they don’t get to go to the cool cocktail parties at Martha’s Vineyard anymore. It’s not like the “woke cancel culture mob” is killing people in public.

Now, this is the point where I say I am WELL AWARE of how suspectable I, personally, am to be “canceled” should, for some reason, I blow up with my novel money and become any sort of prominent public cultural figure. I have done plenty — PLENTY — of things over the years in my drunken dissipation that might get me canceled.

And, what’s more, I’m writing a novel that may never get published because I write about things in a way that the “woke cancel culture mob” may blanch at.

So…lulz?

But I still think Andreessen is being a dick. He wants to score culture war points by muddling and conflating things that might SEEM similar, but upon any sort of nuanced reflection definitely aren’t.

I May Rile Up Woke People With This Novel Because I’m A Smelly CIS White Male Writing About A Romantic Relationship Between Two Women

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Oh boy. This is an instance where being a smelly CIS white male isn’t exactly the most helpful. I have come up with a really interesting plot point for this novel — a woman who doesn’t see herself as gay having a torrid relationship with a young woman who is a free spirit — and every once in a while I do a gut check and worry the “woke cancel culture mob” will freak the fuck out that I’ve done such a thing.

I hope to write a novel as interesting as The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

This particular element of the story is fun and provides a lot of comic relief to the story and also keeps the story going at a fast clip. And, yet, I’m not a 20something undocumented transgender woman writing about such things, but a smelly middle-aged MAN.

But, lulz, I never what I’m supposed to do and this is where the Muse has taken me for this novel and I guess I’m stuck with it.

At least I’m really, really self-conscious about what I’ve gotten myself into. I understand why me writing about lesbian stuff from a female POV as a smelly CIS white male might be….a problem. The way some young women talk on Tik-Tok, I have no right to exist as a human being, much less as an aspiring male author who occasionally writes from a female POV.

I wish I had a wife or a girlfriend to be my Reader. Then, at least, I would have woman to tell me when maybe I have taken things too far, even if you give me the benefit of the doubt. And, yet, Stieg Larsson wrote some pretty crazy shit in his novels and they were a success.

Am (Almost) Querying: Worrying About Liberal White Women Literary Agents & What They Will Think Of My Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The worst thing anyone else said about me was that I am a “delusional jerk with a good heart.” That was said to me by the late Annie Shapiro while we were in the process of untangling our hearts and minds from each other at the end of ROKon Magazine.

The late Annie Shapiro and me in better days back when I was cute.

She had a point.

But, I’ve had a brain transplant since that statement, said many moons ago. I’m a much more humble, stable person.

And, yet, here I am, about to plunge into the cold, dark waters of querying — in a few months, maybe more — and I am worried about what the liberal white women who make up the vast majority of agents will think of me and my novel.

The novel itself is problematic because even though it’s really good, the idea that a smell CIS white male would write such a novel might make some liberal white women blanch.

My novel is about a part-time stripper obsessed with owning a rural community newspaper in Virginia.

Or not. I just don’t know. I can’t help how the story I worked itself out of my emotional system. It has a lot of spicy scenes but it does, in fact, tell a compelling story about one woman’s obsession to own a small town community newspaper.

It tells a complete, compelling story. And, what’s more, it leaves you wanting more. It is written in such a way that the audience will want to know what happens next. I have a second novel in the series in the hopper — I just have to write the third draft. So it’s at least possible that I may have TWO novels done this year, ready to query.

But that’s a little bit down the road. I need to chill out for a little bit today then sit down and start writing again. It sucks so bad that I have to do all of this sober, and yet, that’s the reality I face.

Ugh.

Wish me luck.

Pondering The Querying Process For My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

There are some basic things I just don’t know about my novel yet, one of them being how long it is. The metric I use for the length of the novel is scenes, rather than word count, so it’s not until the very end of the process that I really know how long the novel is.

The heroine of my novel has a sleeve tattoo similar to the one Megan Fox now sports, even though I thought of it first.

The last time I did this, with the Beta Draft, I undershot my goal of 100,000 words by 20,000 words. Now, however, I have a pretty good sense that once the entire process is complete and I have a Beta Draft of the Third Draft of the novel that I’m going to come in closer to about 140,000 words, which is way, way too long.

But I don’t know yet. It’s possible that I will totally misjudge things again and the story will be closer to 100,000 words, which would be great! I just don’t know right now. I probably should think about adding up my words now as I approach wrapping up alpha release of the third draft, but I don’t wanna.

One thing I’m really concerned about is how the “woke cancel culture mob” is going to react to some of the elements of this novel. I mean, I am a smelly CIS white male writing about a same-sex relationship between two women and that’s just not supposed to happen. And my heroine occasionally strips, which is also going to freak them out.

Corrie Yee has the phenotype of my heroine.

I am well aware that “the demographics aren’t on my side,” as someone recently told me. But, lulz, so what. I know I have a great story on my hands and it’s just a matter of finishing it as soon as possible.

It definitely will be interesting to see if the liberal white women who make up most the vast majority of literary agents will blanch at all of this non-woke behavior on my part in my writing. But I can’t help what I’ve gotten myself into at this point.

I do, however, have a scifi novel rolling around in my mind. It would be one that better fits the expectations of the modern fiction world.

Of course, all of this is happening the context of the rise of AI and the potential Fourth Turning. So, I dunno. Wish me luck, I guess?

I Continue To Develop & Write This Novel In A Vacuum

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

There is a lot I just don’t know as I careening towards wrapping up the alpha release of the third draft of my first novel. I don’t quite know what I’m going to “comp” this novel to because it’s not a traditional murder-mystery thriller.

I hope to write a heroine as intriguing as Lisbeth Salander.

But there are also some more nuts-and-bolts things I don’t know.

Are my chapters too long? One of my quasi-beta readers complained that my that was the case. He wanted the chapters to convey less information. I have spent a lot — A LOT — of time figuring out when my chapters end and begin and the idea that that would be thrown is….oh boy.

Meanwhile, I just don’t know what women will think of a smelly CIS white male writing a tale about a part-time stripper obsessed with owning a community newspaper. You could say that the story is sufficiently unique people will like the idea, while at the same time you could say that, by definition, women will hate the idea of a smelly CIS white male writing, well, anything from a female POV.

And I don’t care for the Bechdel Test….OH MY GOD.

I am completely clueless. What I don’t know, I guess, is how much of such technical issues can be just sorted out in post-production, pre-publication. So, maybe I’m thinking too much about the situation. Or not. I just don’t know.

Yeah I Fucking Hate The Bechdel Test

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I noticed in my Webstats that someone made a bee-line to my rant about my hatred of the Bechdel Test, so I thought I would write another post to make it even more clear: I fucking hate the Bechdel Test.

And here’s why — the point of any story is to entertain the audience, to tell a great yarn.

It should not matter if you pass this or that cultural or political test beyond that. Now, if I happen to past the dumb Bechdel Test, I will be the first to crow about it. But I’m not going to go out of my way to pass it because I’m going to be too busy struggling to tell the best damn story I possibly can.

The fact that the Bechdel Test is considered by its creator to be a “half-joke” doesn’t make things any better. So, you mean to tell me, that I have to contort my novel in such a way that two women talk about something other than a man…because of a fucking half joke in a comic strip?

Now that’s a form of “woke” that makes my blood boil and gets me ranting — and I’m not even drunk!