Tag: We Are So Fucked

‘American Brezhnev’ — Something Is Wrong With Trump



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Something is wrong with Trump.

And it’s not like the usual, of COURSE there’s something wrong with Trump, either. I mean, there’s something so wrong with him he needs to step down immedately, or at least let Pence be acting president.

Or something.

But it’s a testament to how fucked up the American political system is that nothing is going to happen even though his deteriorating mental and physical state is pretty obvious for everyone to see.

So we’re stuck with stuck with an American Brezhnev. He’s simply going to doter along for the next five years destroying the Republic in a daze. (He’s never leaving office for any reason, by the way.)

I don’t have any ready answer to this problem. We’re fucked.

How Trump Won



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Autocrats never lose, and as such, Trump is going to win in 2020. Here are a few of the ways he will win.

The Insurance Policy
Trump is going to ditch Pence and name some insane person (The Kooch, Tom Cotton, Steve King, Kris Kobach) as his veep. Or someone ostensibly sane (Ivanka Trump), but actual a proxy for the person they will name their veep when Trump finally goes insane in his second term. Ivanka, in particular, is perfect to help him pull off an “upset” win (see below) because she’s a threefer: a woman, Jewish and a Trump (and moderate!)

The Quid Pro Quo
The United States is removing 1/3 of its troops from Germany after a friendly call between Trump and Putin. This is set to happen by September, just in time for Putin to directly hack into our election systems on Election Day. By the time we figure out why the polls were so wrong again, lulz, we’ve had a Constitutional Convention and Trump is a barely functioning American Brezhnev.

The Durham Investigation
This is still lurking out there, ready to pop out. This is a catch-all investigation into everyone Trump hates by this dude named Durham. The conditions are there for Biden to be indicted just about the same time as the Second Comey Letter. Lulz! Trump wins.

COVID19
It’s possible that if COVID19 will simply grow so deadly that center-Left people won’t go to the polls (the ones that are still open for them) and Trump squeezes about a victory in Michigan and Wisconsin.

Trump Sues
If the other two things don’t work, then Trump sues, claiming massive voter fraud. It goes to SCOTUS and he wins 5-4. Lulz!

The Electoral College Commission
It’s very easy to see a 1876-style commission established to figure out which Electors to allow to cast their votes. Last time, it was made up of half Republicans, half Democrats. In the divided America we live in, all they have to do is have another Brooks Brothers Riot at some point and lulz, Trump wins.

General Electoral Ratfucking
If all THAT doesn’t hand the presidency to Trump, he simply ratfucks Electors on a personal level. His criminality and insanity fuse into one. He doxxes them on Twitter, telling MAGA, Proud Boys and whomever else will listen that they and their families have to be taught a lesson about the power of the 2nd Amendment. Or he bribes Electors. Or whatever else the fuck he wants to do. Nothing matters and no one cares at this point.

General Election Violence
This is a real wild card. It’s going to happen at some point, the question is how badly is it going to get. It’s going to get so bad that it’s the biggest story of the year, bigger than COVID19. America doesn’t have any history of political violence, and so when MAGA starts murdering people like me in cold blood, well, there’s a chance that, in itself, will be enough to keep Trump in office.

The point is — TRUMP IS NEVER LEAVING OFFICE FOR ANY REASON.

He is going to get into his second term and gradually turn into an American Brezhnev with absolute power after a rouge Constitutional Convention gives it to him. His successor will be even worst than he is.

Get out of the country if you can.

Trump’s Bonkerness Be Not Proud



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The Mad King continues to be mad and we’re not going to do anything about it. The question is, of course, if we do reach a crisis with Trump’s mental state, will we even recognize it? I don’t think we will — I think Trump’s insanity and criminality will fuse in such a way that he’s going to literally destroy the entire Republic because, well, lulz, nothing matters.

Our future?

If if the things people like me have long feared happen — like Trump whips out his cock and starts masturbating, or starts to rant about African Americans using a gratuitous amount of the N-word…nothing will happen.

Nothing
Will
Happen

Nothing.

We’re so close to the election that Trump could go way, way, WAY out of his way to start a war with the DPRK and I just don’t see there being any consequences. Maggie Haberman would coo that it was all part of Trump’s political genius. Trump could explode, not implode, mentally and we’re all just going to have to wait for Jan. 20th, 2021.

But wait, there’s more.

There’s a real chance that if Trump’s insanity and criminality merge, that his enablers will be cool with him brazenly bribing electors. Or doxing them on Twitter. Or siccing MAGA on them in the dead of night. Trump could, at last, murder someone in cold blood on FOX News and lulz, nothing matters.

His enablers are that far up Trump’s ass at this point.

And, really, in the end, if Trump’s insanity finally reaches a point of crisis, it’s not going to happen in a way that helps either side. I mean, history didn’t pick the greatest time to let leash a pandemic, now did it? Last year would have been FAR BETTER for everyone involved.

Anyway. Now what.

John Bolton’s Triangulation



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It seems as though John Bolton did not testify against Trump when fate gave him the opportunity because, well, he hates liberals more than he thinks Trump should be removed from office.

So, in his estimation, any buck he earns from his “tell all” book on his time as part of the Trump Administration is a buck well earned (especially if it comes from liberals.) Now that, lulz, Trump is free to destroy everything, if there is a post-Trump Era, then, in Bolton’s estimation, everything will to some extent snap back into place and he can go back to “normal.” Bolton wants to triagulate liberals and conservatives in such a way that both of them hate-love him equally. This allows him to cruise back his regular roll on FOX News when the opportunity comes.

But that’s a huge amount of wishful thinking.

Trump has already likely hatched a quid pro quo with the Russians so they will hack direction into our election systems in the fall (Trump is removing about 1/3 of our forces from Germany) and, as such, lulz. Mysteriously, the polls will again be way, way, WAY off it will be some point in Barron Trump’s administration that we discover the Russians have been gleefully hacking into our election systems for decades with the direct help of House Trump.

But by that point, it will be the greatest, “Lulz, nothing matters” of all time.

Anyway, I’m going to be shocked if Bolton’s book comes out at all (or at least anytime before Trump crowns himself God Emperor of Trumplandia.

Of Brad Parscale


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ahhh, Brad Parscle.

The thing about ole Brad is he dresses like a dandy, but has the facial hair of a Hell’s Angel. It’s that quality of him that’s so off-putting. You can’t wrap your mind around what your seeing.

He’s a huge fucking grifter, too.

But that’s not to say he’s not great at his job — he is. He’s pretty much the brains behind the malignant tumor that is the Trump campaign. Anyway, he’s make a huge amount of money off of Trump.

Parscle is obviously smart enough, driven enough and good enough at his job that Trump is probably going to win. Though, I can’t help but continue to think about how Trump is removing one third of the US troops in Germany by September. Definitely sounds as though he’s doing that in exchange for Putin hacking directly into our election systems.

And, yet, I will be the first to admit that I can’t predict the future. Who knows what’s going to happen tonight, tomorrow or a month from now.

The Cognitive Dissidence Of The #NBCUniversal Goons #DCProtest


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I only keep writing about this probably very innocent event because it makes no sense. How is it possible that someone working for NBCUniversal would be hanging out with a bunch of Blackcube-looking motherfuckers.

It just doesn’t make any sense.

Or, put another way, there’s no ready answer to him having THAT much security around him simply doing B-Roll. There are plenty of ways I might be wrong. I might not have seen “NBCUniversal” on his press pass at all. It might have been something totally different and security-related.

But even then, that doesn’t exactly make me feel any better.

It keeps eating away at me, so I keep writing about it. If there was some obvious, logical explanation as to what I saw, then it wouldn’t be such a big deal.

The two goons an the left were with the guy in white.

The #NBCUniversal Goons At The #DCProtest — What I Remember Seeing Exactly



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The first thing I remember was the huge phallic fuzzy mic the older guy was holding. Then I saw his camera. I usually enjoy chatting up journalists and was about to say hey, who you with, when I noticed the huge fucking goons who were with him.

So I got really close and eyed his badge.

“NBCUniversal.”

At least, that’s what I remember in my mind’s eye.

Then I got as close as I could without the goons noticing me. These goons were like fucking brickwalls. I think there were three of them, maybe four. Why one dude needed so much security immediately did not seem to make any sense to me.

It dawned on me that maybe I wasn’t seeing just an old journalist making some B-Roll, I was seeing something far more ominous — I was seeing some sort of undercover op that was monitoring protesters.

If I had a camera with a telephoto lens, I would have taken photos of them doing the B-Roll, but I just had my phone.

Anyway. I simply want someone with NBCUniversal to tell me what was going on so I can go back to cursing the bread and working on my novel.

Some Trump Scenarios For The Next Year



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

No one can predict the future. So take that into consideration. But here are some scenarios as to what might happen between now and about a year from now.

Massacre
This is one of the more acute endgames for the clusterfuck that is the Trump Ministration. In this scenario, Trump finally gets his own Tienanmen Square on the National Mall. The bloodshed is enough that he’s quickly forced from office well before Election Day. I don’t really see this happening for a number of reasons. Or, put another way, there might be a massacre, but Trump still won’t leave office.

Rolling Political & Racial Violence
In this scenario, the rolling political violence I have long predicted for the fall simply happens as part of the rolling protests we’re having right now. The two merge as the year progresses and there’s massive violence on Election Day. America has its own “Troubles” until sometime in April-May 2021 when we finally figure out how to pull the now completely insane Trump physically out of the Oval Office

Trump Self-Owns By Going Crazy
There’s a real chance that Trump’s criminality and his lurching insanity will fuse to such an extent that he’ll take the whole country down with him. By the time his enables finally get with the program, it will be far, far too late to save the country and something akin to either an autocratic managed-democracy or a civil war happens. It all happens because no one is willing to stick their neck out in the real world to stop it.

Startup Saves The Day
In this scenario, someone figures out a way to organize the protests happening right now via an app. It would be designed to find leaders and to coordinate these protests in a meaningful manner. This is really me daydreaming because no one ever listens to me.

The Elector Crisis
Trump loses the popular vote, but goes after Electors on a personal level until they vote for him. Or there’s a 1876-type commission because Trump claims a huge amount of voter fraud and SCOTUS believes him. This all ends up with a massive clusterfuck and we either endup with an acting president or knowing way, way more about the personalities and personal lives of individual Electors than we should.

Bides 100 Days
Bides first 100 days — should they happen — may simply be him struggle to keep the country together as Trump rants on Twitter about how MAGA has to kill people to protect their 2nd Amendment rights.

Trump’s Most Dangerous Game



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

While Trump is an absolute moron, he is getting advice from someone who isn’t: Putin. So, it has occurred to me there’s a reason why Trump is shipping in Texas prison riot police to DC — he really wants to murder peaceful protesters in cold blood.

It not too much of a stretch to imagine the following: the goons from Texas serve as the Hell’s Angels at Altamont and there’s violence. Enough violence that the entire nation is shocked. This leads to direct combat(!) between the goons from Texas and the US Military.

The America Putin Wants.

The final battle is joined as everyone picks sides.

How exactly that would go down is anyone’s guess. I do think this would be the rolling political violence of the fall I have long predicted, just a few months early and in a different context. Now, there are a number of scenarios you could imagine at this point.

One is Trump really misjudges the whole situation and he is effectively forced from office in a rushed impeachment process at gunpoint on the part of the U.S. Military. But, given how things are likely to actually happen, it’s possible it could get even messier. It would happen very, very fast.

It would be total chaos (which is what Trump’s bestie Putin wants.)

And, really, I would say Trump would win, as always, but for how moronic and incompetent he is. He’s such a self-own artist that when faced with an unprecedented extra-political, extra-Constitutional attempt to remove him from office, he simply won’t know what to do.

A Very American Coup



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Not once in our nation’s history have we ever had a coup in the traditional sense. So, it’s rather surreal to me that I find myself thinking how a coup might happen now.

If any military coup happened, it would be so chaotic in nature that it’s impossible to predict exactly how it might happen. But my best guess is Trump finally gets the massacre of peaceful protesters in DC that he’s so excited about and the military does something completely out of the ordinary for it on a historic and institutional level — it turns on its commander-in-chief.

Given the nature of American political tradition, the only way I could possibly imagine this happening would be the top military leaders contact Nancy Pelosi and tell her in no uncertain terms that the House has to do a snap impeachment of Trump….NOW.

Then, using the same hint-hint methods, the military gets the Senate to do a snap trial and conviction of Trump. This would be the only way for everyone not to feel dirty about what had just happened. Of course, this could all be a setup. Trump could be trying to consolidate power in the military by pushing it to the breaking point, then hoping there would be some sort of coup attempt so he could purge those people. (This happened in Turkey a few years ago.)

All of this is meaningless, of course, because Tom Cotton is likely to be elected president in 2024, no matter what because of the same macro issues that elected Trump in the first place.

Lulz!