Tag: Pete Davidson

I Hope Taylor Swift Dates Pete Davidson, Just So We Can Finally Get Her To Release a Rock Album

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Jesus Christ, does modern pop music suck. I don’t know how much of this observation is I’m old and how much is it that the economics of modern pop music combined with changes in youth culture mean that music is, in fact, demonstrably worse.

We are overdue for a third wave of Punk music. But to date, at least, it definitely seems, lulz, that’s never going to happen. We’re just going to drift into a sea of bland, meh pop music for the rest of my life.

It definitely seems as though if anyone is going to save us from decades of bland music it’s Taylor Swift. Rumor has it that she produced — but shelved — a rock album called “Karma” for some reason. It definitely seems as though if Tay-Tay dated a bad boy like Pete Davidson that maybe he would inspire her to freak out and do a really great pop rock album.

Or not.

What do I know.

It could be that the economics of pop music — along with all the would be punks being Incels on Reddit — mean not even Tay-Tay could save ourselves from ourselves. It’s all rather curious. It’s as if something I don’t know is warping pop music to the point that rock will never, ever be pop again.

Ugh.

Who Should Pete Davidson Date Next?

Now that Pete Davidson is single and ready to mingle, who should he fuck, I mean date? Here are some options for our modern Warren Betty.

Emily Ratajkowski
This is the top pick for people on Tik-Tok, apparently. It would definitely help their careers if they hooked up. He’s all chaotic energy and she’s got a very, very languid personality. So, they would play off of each other very well. If they were able to linger together long-term they would be an It Couple.

Miley Cyrus
She and Davidson are so much alike in some ways, that it seems like they would have a really intense relationship then burn out as quickly as it all started. But for the few weeks their relationship existed, they would be an It Couple.

Julia Fox
They circulate in the same circles. Of course, this would open “Skete” up to talk of “sloppy seconds.” But despite this, they would make a cute couple and it would be the very definition of an “It Couple.” She’s an It Girl and he’s an It Boy. So, perfect.

Alexa Chung
She likes rocker badboys and she’s a brunette. So, I think she might be open to a little fling with Pete Davidson. He’s a little younger than her, I think, but that hasn’t stopped the Stud of Our Generation.


Cassidy Hutchinson
She’s a cute brunette and it would break the Internet (or at least Twitter) if they dated for even a little bit.

Melania
This one is silly, but it would be funny if Melania left orange dingus for Pete Davidson.

Take Kanye West’s Dark & Erratic Behavior Seriously


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme. Though I loath to put this idea out into the universe, we have to take how bonkers Kanye West has become of late seriously.

As I have written before, Ye has the means, motive and opportunity to pull an OJ on us. If that happened, it would be a second Trial of the Century only with Tik-Tok and Twitter. I don’t really expect anything as horrific to happen as the whole OJ clusterfuck, but I also feel we’re not taking this situation seriously enough.

We’re just letting Ye run around being very conspicuous in his deranged hatred of Pete Davidson as if it’s all a lulz. It just seems to me as if this is all something of a set up, for something bad that we will look back upon and realize it was going on in broad daylight.

And, honestly, Ye doesn’t even have to do anything of OJ level badness for this to turn into a huge clusterfuck circus really quick. Virtually any criminal behavior on his part towards Davidson or Kardashian would be enough to cause pop culture to go septic with OJ Trial level stupid silliness.

Hopefully, I’m over reacting. I tend to do that. But I am very concerned that the insane behavior on West’s part that we’re laughing at is the lead up to a tragedy. We should act accordingly.

I’m Feeling Nervous About How Unstable Kanye West Is — Are Kim Kardashian & Pete Davidson In Danger?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m old enough to remember the Trial of the Century, which is one of the main reasons why we even know who Kim Kardashian is in the first place. But I’m growing alarmed that Something Bad might happen between Kanye West, Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian.

Like, Trial of the Century Part Deux bad.

Just take a look at this:

It definitely seems as though Ye’s mental health issues are growing sufficiently unstable that things may take a dark turn in a tragic and unexpected manner. In a manner that will have us all talking for a long, long, long time to come.

But, I’m notorious for getting ahead of my skiis, for daydreaming in a very conspicuous manner and speculating about stupid shit I have no business speculating on.

I’m sure that this is just a blip. And, yet, Ye has the means, motive and opportunity to hurt himself and others in a very horrific manner. We can only hope this won’t happen and I’m being “hysterical” with “doom shit” like everyone accuses me of when it comes to other, political, things.

‘Pete Davidson’ #Lyrics to a #Punk Song


I’ve done a punk song about Pete Davidson before, but he continues to be an interesting public figure, so I thought I’d try again. He seems perfect for a meta-punk song.

Pete Davidson
lyrics by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
Please give credit if you produce or perform

he’s got a big cock I swear
he must to get the play he does
you already know his name I’m sure
see him on your TV set every Saturday
it’s

Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson

things could be better
they could be worse
but keep your baby away
from Pete Davidson
’cause he’s got BDE
when the winter becomes the spring
he’ll be on the prowel
ready to steal your girl

Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!
Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson
Pete Davidson

(bridge)
he’s sweet as can be
give your girl’s mom flowers
what can you do he might even
seduce you
’cause he’s Pete
Pete Davidson
HEY!
HEY!
HEY!

The Case For Kim Kardashian & Pete Davidson Getting Married


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This is so dumb, but I have an opinion so here you go. As we all know, Pete Davidson is kind of bonkers (note: so am I). The case could be made that Davidson is Kim’s type because, well, compared to Ye, Davidson is pretty fucking normal and centered.

Kim and Pete.

So, in a sense, Kim marrying a bonkers, well meaning dingus (note: I could call myself the same thing) like Davidson makes total sense in the context of her dating past.

I say this only in the context that apparently the two are “getting really serious.” Now, Kim is 41 at the moment, but could probably squeeze out one more kid because she’s famous and rich. So, lulz, it’s very easy to imagine the two getting married, having a kid, then getting divorced. They would be the entertainment power couple of the 2020s.

But there is a huge wildcard — Miley Cyrus. A Pete Davidson – Miley Cyrus union makes far, far more sense than a Davidson – Kardashian one. And, I think if Pete and Kim did get married, Miley would be waiting in the wings to pounce the moment they broke up.

Given the chaotic energy both of them exude, their union probably would be a long-term one we could all pin our hopes on while we curse the bread.

I’m Worried About Pete Davidson


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Are you ok, Pete?

What the fuck is going on with Pete Davidson. He’s beginning to look so strung out and weird that I’m growing worried about him. There is the so-called SNL curse where people like him burn out. AND, he’s made it clear he’s not exactly the most stable of guys. (I admire how frank he is about this situation.)

I began to grow worried after the most recent episode of SNL. He was in the cold open and he looked like shit and apparently was having trouble with the few lines that he had in the skit.

My Hot Take On Kim Kardashian & Pete Davidson


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The crux of the public’s fascination with Pete Davidson’s love life is everyone wonders how someone like him keeps pulling some of the most powerful, talent and beautiful women in the world.

The rumored happy couple / photo source — the Internet

The answer is, of course, he has a huge cock.

But he’s also funny, which helps. I remember when he was dating — then engaged — to Ariana Grande. At the time, it felt like the whole country was thinking the same thing as to why this particular romance was happening — lust. We all knew it wasn’t going to last and it was as if the whole nation was in on the joke but the two people who were actually involved in the romance itself.

So, let’s talk about Davidson’s latest potential conquest, Kim Kardashian.

What the what?

It’s pretty amazing the huge spectrum of reactions to this development on Tik-Tok. Half the people think it’s all a PR stunt and the other half think it’s true love and will last for years to come.

I honestly neither know nor care what the ultimate outcome of this relationship will be. But it is interesting. It’s interesting how far a guy can get by being funny, having a huge cock and being a cast member on SNL. Who knew?

Davidson is still young. If he doesn’t crash and burn, he could very well linger as a star for many years to come.

In Defense Of Olivia Rodrigo


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

At the risk of being a dirty old man, I would like to take a moment to defend Olivia Rodrigo wearing a pretty stunning dress at the recent opening of the Academy Museum. (I know, I know, what else am I going to say?)

The argument is, she’s just barely 18 and, as such, for her to wear such a dress is for her, by definition, to be unduly sexualize. I validate that argument, and, yet, I have to take issue with it. Your typical fashion model walking the runways is somewhere in the 14-17 age range and some of the clothes they wear are eye-popping.

Holy cow, Olivia Rodrigo! / Internet image.

The dress in question is gorgeous as is she and given she is 18 and can pull it off, I say go for it. She’s gorgeous enough that she could easily walk the catwalk and, as such, fall within the context of wearing provocative clothing for her age. If anything, I would be more concern about brunette-loving Pete Davidson swooping in and dating her more than I would how provocative the dress is.

Or, put another way, from a photographic standpoint, the pictures I’ve seen of her in that dress are incredible. I say this as someone is regularly rattled by how underage Millie Bobby Brown really is unduly sexualized for her age and, by the way, what’s up with her and Drake?

Again, I don’t mean to come off as a dirty old man. But, I guess, in the eyes of some, I, by definition, am.

#CoronaVirus Scenario: Two Weeks’ Notice — ‘Saturday Night Dead’

Shelton Bumgarner

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This is just a back-of-the-envelope scenario. Could go a lot of different ways.

Friday, February 28th
Iceland reports a massive COVID19 outbreak that effectively brings the country to a standstill within 24 hours.

Saturday, Feb 29th
The Democratic Primary in South Carolina occurs. No Mayor Pete.

During a Saturday Night Live, popular Not Ready For Prime Time Player Pete Davidson passes out in the middle of skit and begins to writhe uncontrollably on the ground.

This is a media explosion and it becomes apparent that COVID19 has, at last, struck the United States in broad daylight after weeks of a “shadow pandemic.” But the only information we get on the subject from the Trump Administration is a pained expression from Mike Pence. Larry Kudlow appears on Fox News that same night and waves the event off, saying Davidson was probably drunk.

Sunday, March 1st
We learn that Mayor Pete doesn’t just have “a cold” but has COVID19 and will be out of the race for some time. This is the talk of all the Sunday shows. We learn that Davidson is in critical condition with COVID19. Pressure builds on the Trump Administration to be more transparent and pro-active but they ignore this because, lulz, Davidson for his BDE, is a liberal and fuck that guy.

That afternoon, we begin to hear reports that a number of well-known elderly celebrates have died in quick success after a “brief illness.” There are reports of panic buying here and there across the country. There are also isolated reports that hospitals are growing overwhelmed with people with “the flu.”

March 2 — March 6th
Each day, things grow worst for the States. Even the Trump Administration can’t message the base about how bad things are by the end of the week. The number of elderly people reported dead, rich, poor, power and powerless, grows larger and larger by the day. By the end of the work week, the economy collapses because not only are too many people sick, but parents are afraid to let their children leave the house.

March 7 – March 13
Things by this point may go one of two ways. Either there is a continuation of government issue or Trump finally completely fucking loses his mind and starts ordering the Air Force to shoot passenger planes out of the sky.

I dunno. This is just a scenario. And no one can predict the future. But people are getting sick in the States and we’ve only tested 500 people out of 335 million.