Tag: literary agents

Even More Angst About Querying My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

So. Here I am, well on my way to wrapping up an alpha release of the third draft of my first novel. As such, I really need to take the idea of querying my novel sometime in the fall of 2024 more seriously. There is a chance, of course, that it might be about a year from now before I query for various reasons, but I hope things don’t come to that.

But it’s really nerve wracking having to think about the nuts and bolts of querying my first novel. It sure would help if I had some quirky “in’ to the industry that allowed me to speed the process up. Yet, at the moment that is just a daydream on my part.

The entire system of trying to get into ANY form of showbiz is designed specifically so you can’t get into it. That’s why having a connection to the showbiz industry you’re interested in can be crucial. And, of course, there is the fact that I’m 100% extroverted and I often get drunk while I’m using the Internet.

It’s not like I can go back in time and change things. I am who I am and I am WELL AWARE that anyone literary agent doing due diligence on me might be dismayed by what the find. My experience with manuscript consultants was a real eye-opener — some of them wouldn’t even give me the time of day because they thought I was below them in some way.

And, yet, I have wanted to query a novel from the very beginning of this years-long process. And, so, here we are — there is going to come a point when I have to leave the delusional phase of this novel and enter a new, more serious and fact-based part of the project.

It’s going to suck.

To make myself feel better, I’m probably going to look into having a few backup, second track stories for Just In Case. My goal, my dream is to be a professional creative writer from here on out, for the rest of my life. But sooooooo much can go wrong as I try to make that dream a reality.

But I just have to roll with the punches.

Dreading The Due Diligence Of Literary Agents In About A Year As Part Of The Querying Process

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do about literary agent due diligence on my sorry ass when I start to query. The thing about querying is people who don’t give a shit about you are going to become aware of your existence. And if you’re a fucking drunk kook crank like me, then, oh boy, their evaluation could be pretty brutal.

But, lulz, what am I going to do about it now?

I suppose there are a few things on the edges I could do to mitigate how bad things might be seen from the point of view of a literary agent. And, yet, fuck it, I refuse to change who I am. Let the chips fall where they may.

But I definitely need to psych myself up. It’s going to be very disheartening about a year from now to see people who are clearly literary agents poking around this blog. I understand that to someone who doesn’t have the time to have a conversation with me to find out my story that…I can come across as an eccentric.

And I will admit that I’m kind of bonkers. Maybe a lot bonkers.

But I will note that there are plenty of famous people who are just as bonkers as I am who are called “colorful” rather than nuts. Anyway. There’s nothing I can do about it now. Wish me luck.

Pondering Mystery Thriller Novels to ‘Comp’ To My Book As Part of The Querying Process

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Because I don’t really even read any modern books in my genre, I think I’m going to turn to AI to find out what current books I should read that I can “comp” to a book that is a homage to Stieg Larsson’s stuff.

My novel is so…different…that I struggle to think that I will be able to find a novel that is clearly something I can “comp.” But I’m going to have to figure out something. That’s what they pay me the big bucks for.

I’m going to have to take this whole process a lot more seriously. Anything to do with querying means I can just daydream and be delusional anymore. I really, really, really don’t want to self publish. That’s just not my scene. I would have to be really fucking desperate — at least at this point — to self publish.

I would rather go down in a blaze of glory a monumental failure than limit myself by self-publishing. That’s just my vision at the moment. I have nothing against people who self publishing, but I just don’t wanna do that.

My heroine, in my mind, looks something like this woman above.
I started reading a novel that was clearly meant to be something along the lines of a homage to Stieg Larsson’s stuff but something about it left me cold. It seemed to hone in on what the author thought made Lisbeth Salander so popular — her vigilante streak.

To me, that’s just a part of her personality. She was far more complex than that. I hope to force myself to actually read that damn book simply so I won’t feel so self-conscious about not reading fiction. But only time will tell.

Now The Hard Part

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I love to write. Writing is like shedding skin for me. I do it a lot without even thinking about it. And, for years now, I’m been VERY delusional about what’s going on with my first novel. I’ve allowed myself this luxury because I knew it was the only way I would ever actually finish anythiing.

And, yet, now that it’s clear that I’ve finally figured out the beginning of the third draft of this novel and I’m going to — hopefully — wrap it up by, say, around April 1st, I have to put on my big boy pants

I have to start thinking about querying.

The reason why this scares the shit out of me is multifold. One is, well, I’m a drunk crank who doesn’t always follow the media narrative on social media. I retweet a lot — A LOT — of pictures of hot chicks. I get drunk and rant about the importance of heteronormative monoculture. And I have been known to say I fucking hate the Bechdel Test. AND, WHAT’s MORE, my novel could easily be reduced to the logline of smelly CIS white male spends 140,000 words to depict a “sex worker solving a murder mystery.”

I retweet a lot of pictures of hot chicks on Twitter.
None of those things endear me to the liberal women who often are literary agents. But I refuse to change anything. I’m going to accept the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, come what may.

I have a lot to consider going forward. I have to think about how I’m going to pay for a manuscript consultant to look over my copy. I have to buy AND READ a series of novels that I can “comp” my novel to, even though it’s a real struggle to consume anyone else’s content — and I’m a storytelling snob.

AND, all of this is happening the context of the rise of AI, the potential for a “Fourth Turning” in late 2024, early 2025 AND the very real possibility that my entire life could be thrown up in the air because of known unknowns.

I dig shit like this.
And, yet, the whole point of starting a novel in the first place was to get outside my comfort zone and to see how far I could get in the process before it became absolutely, 100% clear that I would have to — gulp — self-publish.

But I would only consider that after a good bit of fighting to get published traditionally. And I might even be so stubborn that I simply but the finished novel aside until I can get something ELSE published traditionally and use the leverage that gives me to get my first novel published.

Yet More Worrying About Literary Agent Due Diligence

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

What am I going to do about my status as a fucking drunk crank. Ugh. I just refuse to change who I am. Take me or leave me. I get my freaky weirdo writing on this blog and on social media in general could be a…lability. But it’s not like I ever do what I’m supposed to do.

It’s too late. Fuck it.

I’m going to be sex-positive and write about a “sex worker who solves a murder mystery” and see what happens. That’s just my nature. I always do whatever the fuck I want to (within reason.)

It definitely will be interesting to see literary agents in my Webstats a year from now when I begin to query. I just can’t help who I am. If I was 30 years younger then, lulz, maybe I would do what was necessary to make myself more palatable to “normal” literary agents with money and careers.

But…lulz.

I’m different. Always have been. But I can tell a good to great story. And that should be all that matters.