The 5 Stages of MAGA’s Potential Coming COVID19 Death Rattle

Oh boy.
Shelton Bumgarner

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


Now, let me be clear — the only way we get rid of the death cult that is MAGA is, well, the biggest catastrophe in American domestic history since the Civil War. And, even then, there’s a 50/50 chance that we’ll endup with some Handmaid’s Tale level bullshit.

But, since Don Jr. thinks I’m looking forward to such an enormous clusterfuck because…I’m as big a dick as he is? — let’s go through what the MAGA death cult death rattle would look like.

Denial
This is where we are now. They beat impeachment, they beat TrumpRussia, they beat Stormy Daniels, they beat EVERTHING. So, the idea that essentially fucking God himself would stab them in the back is a little too much for your MAGA death cult thought leader. So they say it’s all a liberal media conspiracy to hurt Trump. It’s nothing more than the flu, fuck you, Rachael Maddow. So, their denial is mixed with hate.

Anger
This the most dangerous step. This is when MAGA will start to lash out and murder people in frustration. When it comes obvious that the jig is up, they probably will become transitional, at last. They will settle some scores once and for all. I’m thinking by about Wednesday we’ll reach this point.

Bargaining
This will be the most pathetic part of all of this. Suddenly, all the hateful badfaith thought leaders of the MAGA death cult will switch gears rather abruptly and say it’s time for us to come together as a nation and give the Dear Leader the “thoughts and prayers” he needs. This will probably happen about the time the significance of the Gray Plague begins to sink in. Maybe the end of next week?

Depression 
This is when Sean Hannity breaks down in tears and goes all Jimmy Swaggart on us. Hugh Hewitt might also get rather mopey on TV at some point. Matt Schlapp, meanwhile, will continue to be quite content with MAGA even as the dead and dying grows more and more tragic

Acceptance
For us to have gotten to this point — sometime within the next two weeks, things will have had to have gotten so bad for MAGA that, at last, the hate and rage that is at the core of MAGA will, at last, be squelched. This would be maybe a month or two from now when the old order has finally collapsed and a new on is slowly beginning to come together. Suddenly all the MAGA thought leaders will be thinking about how they can explain the many, many, many, many, many, many, MANY lies they told for Trump so they can act as if nothing happened the last four years.

The above is, for the moment, a delusional liberal fever dream. And, even if we finally get Sean Hannity to shut the fuck up about Hillary’s email server it will simply not be worth it to me, or any other American. That’s why it’s a tragedy.