I’m Modeling The Hero Of My #Novel After #ChrisPratt #AmWriting


By Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


Let me be clear — I really fucking hate it when people preen about who they think should play this or that character in their “WIP.” I just want to scream at them to shut up and actually write the novel. But, here I am, doing that very same thing.

My only excuse, I guess, is I’m 100% extroverted and I can’t help myself. And, also, I’m not really being aggressive about it. It’s just something to write about while in thinking in the back of my mind about an important first draft scene I’m working on at the moment.

Chris Pratt is who I imagine my hero looking like right now. He’s the right age and fits the phenotype of the inspiration for the hero. It is interesting how men who are in the 40 to 60 age range can play just “the Hero” while the female romantic lead usually has to be played by a far younger woman. I think that says more about Hollywood as an industry and the power male actors accrue as they grow older. (And the fact that the more powerful an actor becomes, the more he seeks out all the younger hot actress to play against so he can bang them.)

What’s interesting is I could see Chris Pratt play my Hero and Jennifer Lawrence play the Female Romantic Lead. (Or maybe Phoebe Waller-Bridge.) Those two have worked together in a movie. I really need to get back to writing the first draft of the novel. But, for some reason, I just feel the need to mention that on this blog that no one reads.

Anyway, like I said, I really fucking hate when other aspiring novelists do exactly what I’m doing. It’s so cloy and preening. It fucking drives me up the wall.

Just write the fucking novel already, people.

Jennifer Lawrence & The Quandary Of My Novel’s Female Romantic Lead



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


I’m operating completely in a vacuum with this novel. I have no idea what I’m doing. But I do have a very specific vision. Part of that vision is I want my female romantic lead (the person closest to the hero and the person he talks to the most) to be inspired by Alexa Chung.

But there’s a little bit of a problem, given how fucked up the world it these days.

Chung doesn’t look “Asian,” despite her surname. Now, in the novel it’s really easy to explain how this happened to my female romantic lead, just like it happened to Alexa Chung. Her dad was three-fourth’s Asian and, as such, she doesn’t have traditional Asian apperence.

But I’m ambitious.

I want this novel to be a pulpy, fast read like Stieg Larsson’s original Millennium series. My novel is meant to be an American answer to his work, but it’s also meant to be something of a guilty pleasure for educated liberal women in the sense that it’s also an allegory for the Trump Era. (Let me be clear, this is all in my head — any actual person with any knowledge of said market would probably laugh at me.)

As such, my dream is for this novel to be adapted into a movie. The perfect person to play the female romantic lead is Phoebe Waller-Bridge. She’s the right age and appearance, everything. But another person who could play the role is Jennifer Lawrence.

One thing to remember is, this is a novel, not a screenplay. I do all this talking about Hollywood stars despite this for no other reason than I need SOME SORT of reference point in constructing characters. Jennifer Lawrence’s is such a huge star and such a great actress that if I win the lottery and my dreams of writing a break out novel come true, the idea that people would bitch about her “not looking Asian” in any move adaptation is really annoying.

Or, you could just say I think too much.

I should be developing, not mentally masturbating about such an unlikely thing.

What’s Jennifer Lawrence Up To These Days?



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


I’ve always been a big fan of J-Law. I feel so bad for her given the Fappening situation. But she seems to have bounced back quite well. I often find myself wondering what she would think of the novel I’m developing. I think she would like it a great deal.

She would be perfect to play the female romantic lead, even though she IS a bit young for the person I have in my head. But, lulz, that’s never going to happen for any reason, so all I’m doing is wasting energy to even propose it. I haven’t even finished the outline yet, much less a first, second or third draft.

I’m so oblivious to the “right” way of doing any of this.

But I really do like J-Law. She’s got such a great personality and is an excellent actress. That she’s BFF with Phoebe Waller-Bridge is even better. I find J-Law’s personality very endearing.

J-Law seems like the type of person who would pop out a kid in private then come back with force. Maybe that’s what she’s doing with her new husband? Having a kid? Who knows.

Anyway, maybe one day I’ll finish the novel I’m working on and she’ll read it. A guy can dream, can’t he?

A Quirk About The Nature of The Female Romantic Lead of The Novel I’m Developing



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


I have a lingering celebrity crush on Alexa Chung, so I’ve constructed the female romantic lead of the novel I’m developing who is something of a homage to her. But there’s a problem.

My female romantic lead has an Asian name, but doesn’t LOOK all that Asian, just like Alexa Chung. So, I could see hilarity ensuing as casting directors struggle to find someone who can “pass” for white but is actually Asian. Or, they could cast someone like Jennifer Lawrence or Phoebe Waller-Bridge who would fit the novel’s description of the character, but not be Asian.

It was just my imagination….

At this point, I have to note that the idea that I even sell this novel to a publisher is rather fantastical, so I’m doing little more than mentally masturbating to even broach these things. But I have to psyche myself up to finish the marathon of developing and writing a novel somehow, so this is one of the ways I do it.

Me talking about if Jennifer Lawrence or Phoebe Waller-Bridge was going to play the female romantic lead of a movie adaptation of the novel I’m working on right now is like wondering if I could score a supermodel after having won the lottery.

Anyway, it’s this type of quirk that makes the whole only-a-certain-type-of-person-can-play-a-role seem a bit ludicrous, even though it is, at least in my eyes, totally legitimate.

I am growing closer to getting back to actually writing on this novel, which is pretty cool. But I still have a huge amount of work to do.

V-Log: Update On My Novel’s Development & Jennifer Lawrence Needs Her Chance To Be A Modern Annie Hall

Shelton Bumgarner

Some thoughts.

Goal: Have Jennifer Lawrence Produce The Movie Version Of My Novel

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Things are zipping along with the scene summary I’m writing for my novel and hopefully by April 1st, I can finally begin writing the first draft seriously.

I find myself daydreaming about who I would want to produce the movie version of the novel and one name stands out: Jennifer Lawrence.

But whatever.

I have to actually write the damn thing first.

V-Log: Pandering To Jennifer Lawrence Developing My #Novel’s Female Romantic Lead

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I really want Jennifer Lawrence to like this novel.

V-Log: Mulling The First Draft Of My #Novel At About 17,000 Words — Jennifer Lawrence Bait

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

During the course of this one, I talk some about how I hope the novel I’m writing might be Jennifer Lawrence bait.