Tag: I Love Hollywood

I’m An Alison Brie Fan & Yet…

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The Alison Brie vehicle “Somebody I Used To Know” once was just the type of movie that I would really love. It’s the type of movie that would have been a Blockbuster staple. It’s got one of my favorite actresses in it and, apparently, enough T&A to placate my inner horndog. (I only say that because I’ve just begun to struggle to watch the movie and don’t know much about what actually goes on.)

Several things are at play.

One is, I’m older and my standards have gone up to the point that I struggle, I STRUGGLE to watch ANY movie all the way through. I did manage to watch Barbie and Oppenheimer all the way through, but that is the exception to the rule.

Also, as someone who has been fixated on storytelling for much of my life and especially now after years of developing and writing a novel….I just grow restless at a movie that obviously was produced by Brie and as, such, she is willing to be a bit more provocative to try to draw in viewers.

This is the same dynamic as Jennifer Lawrence in No Hard Feelings. Both of these movies would have been HUGE in the 1980s or 1990s. People are so dumb and horny that just the idea of either one of these babes showing some skin would have been enough to get people renting. They wouldn’t know, of course, that as producers of these movies, both women had some skin in the game — no pun intended — to make sure that happened by doing some gratuitous T&A.

It is a testament to how The World Really Works that the older women get in Hollywood, the more likely they are to become producers and, as such, whatever concerns they may have had about showing skin in the past seem rather quaint.

Of course there are some women, like Jessica Alba, who remain too modest to show ANY skin to the point that they would rather use a body double or have their clothes digitally removed. Sigh. Ugh. Maybe I’m a dirty old man, but I find something about them being so coy on that front a bit grating. Hollywood is a biz-ness and “double dees, double dees” as the old SNL skit says.

But, whatever, I’m just a lowly middle age man. I don’t have any right to have any qualms on that front.

Anyway. Back to smoking hot Alison Brie. At the moment, I’ve not even gotten to the inciting incident of the movie yet and I pretty much know everything that is going to happen. The thing about Brie is she is so funny in how she toys with the audience in the roles that she takes. One moment she’s a demure yet coquettish community school student, the next she’s a 60s housewife.

I’ve vowed that I’m going to read more and watch more in 2024. As such, I hope to watch Somebody I Used To Know all the

My Big Prediction For 2024

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Because I just can’t game out what will happen with Election 2024 at the moment, I will tell you my Big Prediction for 2024 — an AI generated movie better looking than Toy Story will be development by some wildcat technology firm.

It might not come out until 2025, but it will begin production in 2024. And as technology advances, within a few years the whole process will be so sped up that AI digital personal assistants will be able to create personalized versions of movies — or stories in general — simply by you, the user, asking for it.

All of this means that ALL human creativity will get nuked by AI to the point that human created art will begin to have a lot of cultural value because…it was created by humans.

I’d like to think that I will be able to get at least one of my planned novels published before the Petite Singularity, but only time will tell.

A Scifi Western Would Be Fun To Write

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of my favorite movies growing up was Outland, which, as I understand it, is High Noon set in space. After about 20 years of contemplating a particular scenario, I realize that one way to give it a plot would be to have something akin to a scifi Western in the sense that it would have a lot of the elements of a traditional Western, but it would also lean heavily into scifi.

‘Outland’
I might look into this a little bit sometime soon. I was thinking of looking up “how do you write a Western?” then use the modified tropes of a Western in this scifi story.

But I dunno. I may just keep focused on the mystery-thriller I’ve been working on for so long. I’m beginning to get a little nervous about what I’m going to do when I finally start the very-serious process of querying.

Oh boy.

I’m Just About To Enter The Second Act Of The ‘Alpha Release’ Of The Third Draft Of My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Months after I started working on the first act of the third draft of my first novel, I am at last about to enter the second act. This is important because I know this part of the story far, far better.

Though there are some structural elements to the novel I’ve had to change in the rest of the novel, things SHOULD move very, very fast now. I should be able to come out with an Alpha Release of the third draft no later than April. Then I will go through and do an edit of it so the Beta Release is actually coherent enough that I can maybe find some professional to read it and help me take it to the next level.

And, yet, I am very, very poor, so…I don’t know. Don’t know how exactly that will work out — if it will work out at all. I might just query what I have in early fall 2024 and see what happens.

Of course, now I have to take a deep breath and think seriously about querying. But I think I may punt that particular issue down the road a little bit more. I want to have a complete third draft done — even if it’s an Alpha Release — before I get too worked up about querying.

And, of course, all of this is happening in the context of the fucking Petite Singularity / Fourth Turning happening at just about the moment I want to query.

Wish me luck, I suppose.

Pondering The Precipice Of Querying

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Now I’m worried that deep in the bowels of the Internet aether I’ve annoyed the liberal white women that make up most of the literary agent class, even before I’ve begun to query my first novel. All I can say is — I mean well. And I’m generally a fan of liberal white women. (Even if I do sometimes use them as a class as something of a comic foil in some of my drunk political rants.)

But what I’m NOT a fan of is being attacked for being a smelly CIS white male writing from a female POV. Or being forced to debate how many of my characters can dance on the head of the Bechdel Test pin. And I am who I am. Come what may.

I don’t MEAN to annoy anyone, but I’m not going to fake who I am. And, in general, I think literary agents will find me endearing, thoughtful and interesting — if they’re willing to give me a chance.

And, yet, who knows. I still have a few more months before I finish a stable third draft of the novel. Then there will be the struggle to find — and afford — a manuscript consultant to take the novel to the next level. And all of this will be happening in the context of a Petite Singularity / Fourth Turning in late 2024, early 2025.

So….good times?

I Don’t Have A Problem With Being ‘Woke,’ Just Don’t Come After Me For Being A Male Author Writing From A Female POV In My Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I notice that someone is interested in all my ranting about the “woke cancel culture mob.” So, let me be clear — all my ranting on this subject is usually generated by booze and annoyance that I will be dinged by some hyper-woke people for being a male author writing from a female POV in my novel.

If Stieg Larsson can do that, why can’t I?

Anyway, I also know that being a drunk crank I’ve almost — certainly — done more than one thing in my personal life that will leave the hyper woke aghast. But, all I can say is the worse thing anyone ever said about me was that I’m a “delusional jerk with a good heart.”

My heroine, in my mind, looks like Corrie Yee.

So, yeah, I’m not perfect. But who is? And I generally mean well. So, I find myself wondering if all my talk about consensual kinky sex and periods in this novel will be poo-pooed by woke liberal white women because it’s ME, a smelly CIS white male, who wrote it.

Meanwhile, Emerald Fennell can go way, way off the creative beaten path and is hailed as the best thing since slice bread. It’s shit like that that causes me to rant when I’m drunk. Judge me by work, not by my gender. I GENERALLY support the media narrative about trans rights, etc, but I’m human and I have the occasional stray thought that maybe might get me in trouble with the woke Powers That Be.

I HATE this type of “woke.”

Regardless. My first novel is going well. So well, in fact, that I’m probably going to feel comfortable doing a lot more reading, watching of TV and movies and doing some writing on my “backup stories.”

I Finally Have A Stable First Act For The Third Draft Of My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Things are going so well with the first act of the third draft of my first novel that I’m seriously thinking about developing the three scifi novels I have rolling around in my mind.

I just need to stretch my legs creatively. I need to have the option of thinking about something other than this same novel. The goal is that the overall product will be better for all the things I’m working on.

I find myself thinking about querying and reading books to “comp” my book to. At the moment, all I have is pretty much just Stieg Larsson books, the originals of which are about 20 years old now.

But I think once January 1st rolls around that I’m going to get a lot of work done. Watch me say that then something happen to slow me down significantly. I’m kind of falling apart physically and I’m a little worried that Something Bad will happen big enough to force me to either pause writing or change the context a great deal.

Ugh. N+1 and all that.

The Space Opera I Want Someone To Produce

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m making my way through Rebel Moon and I keep feeling restless because I see how it might be made better. Here’s an idea that’s been rolling around in my mind for some time.

You have a solar system with a huge Jupiter-sized planet near its sun. We learn that that planet is actually home to a superintelligence. We learn that there is a galaxy-wide empire made up of superintelligence, each with a biological ward that they control using androids.

The story tells that of a young heroine Human who organizes a rebellion against the androids on a earth-sized, habitable planet in this solar system full of humans. Act the end of the second act, it seems like she will be put to death for all the rebellion she’s been up to, but in the beginning of the third act she’s saved because of her valor.

The third act involves her being transported to the galaxy center where she meets the “emperor” of the Galactic Empire. There’s a lot of debate about the nature of humanity and such and, I dunno, somehow she gets humans “freed” from the rule of the machine intelligence to find their own fate, even though all signs point to them destroying themselves soon enough.

Well, I Suspect Hollywood Actresses Will Like My Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I’ve written before, Hollywood actresses have a…unique…psychology. And that psychology tends to get more unique the older they get because they often times become producers. That’s why someone like Jennifer Lawrence is cool with getting paid $20 million for a mid-tier vehicle where she apparently has a fight in the ocean totally buff naked.

And don’t get me started in how puzzling it is to me that there was this huge scramble to play the Hollywood movie version of Lisbeth Salander. I love the character, too, but, yikes, why put yourself through the horrific things that poor woman had to go through and have it on screen!

Sorry you had that done to you, Lisbeth.

Very curious.

With that in mind, it definitely seems as though if I win the creative lottery and my novel becomes successful enough that Hollywood will want to adapt it…that a lot of actresses will be interested in playing one of the numerous female characters I’ve come up with.

The novel isn’t nearly as dark as The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. But there are some…edgy elements to it that I think Hollywood actresses might really like. But, really, what do I know.

I’m just drunk nobody in the middle of nowhere with a dream.

Have I Got A Blockbuster Movie For You!

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The president of Hollywood.

I’m old enough to remember the ending of the original Battlestar Galaxia where they encountered modern day Earth. Well, what if you came up with a situation where a group of Star Wars-like people came crashing into modern Earth.

I think it would be great.

It would be great because you could explore how divided humanity is. And, what’s more, you get to use all the architypes found in Star Wars, only this time they deal with the modern globe.

The key issue of the story would be how divided humanity is and how — EVEN WITH A GALAXTIC EMPIRE BREATHING DOWN THEIR NECKS — humanity would STRUGGLE to get our act together.

Seems like it would be a lot of fun.