Tag: Fuck Neo-Confederates

Modern Antebellum America


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I inadvertently caused a liberal I know to get REALLY worked up when I made the case that lulz, nothing matters when it comes to the Cyber Ninjas “audit” of the Arizona presidential vote. He started to yell, correctly, about what a sham it all was.

Once I got him calmed down, I said he was right, but it didn’t matter — the entire point of the “audit” was, at a minimum, to give MAGA New Right cocksuckers the ability to say, “I guess we’ll never know” who won the 2020 election. But that’s just the baseline — what they really want is some sort of “proof” that they might use to “decertify” enough states that they can start to talk about reinstating Trump early.

Now, if you really want to talk a sooner-rather-later civil war, then Trump finally gets some traction about this very thing and MAGA state legislatures hold “Nullification Conventions” that become “Secession Conventions” and away we go.

But the case could be made that if that hyper-dystopian scenario doesn’t happen, then all this bullshit in Arizona would be the thing Trump would use to shiv House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy when it comes to who will be the Republican Speaker of the House in 2023.

Trump says that Arizona “proves” that he’s “still president” and, as such, he should be in the line of succession for POTUS. He gets it, impeaches both Biden and Harris and then tells Senate Democrats — push Biden and Harris out of office, or we have a civil war.

And THAT doesn’t even begin to address that if we avoid all that bullshit that we have the final, absolute certain future history of a civil war staring in the the general late 2024 to early 2025 timeframe because of a certification crisis.

So, we’re fucked.

But if you look at macro trends, this was going to happen. It was just a matter of the exact sequence of events. And the case could be made that Trump is SUCH a FUCKING IDIOT that of all the possible would-be fascists to cause a civil war, Trump is the weakest of the bunch as long as he’s around. It’s when something happens to knock him out of the equation and we have to deal with Josh Hawley, Mike Pompeo or Tom Cotton coming for our liberal democracy that we have a serious, serious problem.

Our history of the future isn’t written yet, though. Anything could happen. We may somehow, miraculously dodge the civil war bullet, but thing’s aren’t looking so great.

Only time will tell.

James Woods, Civil War & A Renewed American Covenant: The Political Agony And The Ecstasy That Is California


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Someone like Trump was going to happen. Something about Obama’s second term cracked the noggin of the American Right. It went septic and insane. And it just so happened that dingas Trump had enough credibility because of his birther nonsense that when the voice of fate called his name, he answered.

I love alternative history and it’s very easy to sketch out a situation where Trump wasn’t picked on by Seth Meyers WHCD and, as such, Trump decided to play president in a Sharknado movie. The person who could have filled Trump’s spot in our history is James Woods. He’s a really intense, really conservative motherfucker who had he been nudged by Fortuna, might have run instead of Trump — and won.

That points out something about California — it’s actually odd that Trump from New York and not someone like Woods in California became our fascist nightmare. It politically makes a lot more sense for a really progressive state like California to pop out popular conservative figure (e.g Reagan) than the more moderate New York State. Though, I guess you could say that NYC is kind of a state unto itself and, as such, had the same dynamic as a fascist coming from California.

But I have the idea of a Second American Civil War on the brain a lot (as do, apparently, a lot of MAGA New Right cocksuckers) and, as such, I think a lot about what California would do if that tragedy happened. In the beginning stages of any such conflict, there would likely be a lot of wavering on the part of California leadership as if they even wanted to get involved. A civil war might be their only chance to bounce from the Union peacefully.

And, yet, I would like to think that they would rise to the occasion and throw their lot in with the Blue Army. California of the 2020s is the New York State of the 1860s. And, as such, its easy to imagine if the Good Guys win a Second American Civil War that a lot of dead progressive measures would be enacted to fix a lot of long-term, structural problems with the United States at the moment. Just as the we renewed the Union’s covenant of states in 1865, if we had a second civil war, we might do it again with the ideals of California as its basis.

At the same time, I think a lot about how fucked up California is right now. It seems like the place is over run with homeless people and that civil order is beginning to fall apart. It’s all very curious. I guess the case could be made that a civil war might be just the swift kick in the ass California collectively needs to stop thinking about their chakras and start to get down to the hard business of keeping the state’s bolts tight.

What do I know, though. Absolutely no one listens to me.

The Idiotic American Civil War Of 2021 That Didn’t Happen (Yet?)


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

We really dodged a bullet earlier this year. Or, more specifically from about November 2020 to January 2021. In a lot of other nations, we would have descended into a horrific civil war that would still be going on.

But none of that happened because the person with whom history entrusted such a horrible event to Donald Fucking Trump, was too lazy and stupid to pull it off. He wanted to destroy the United States violently, but he just “couldn’t get it up” to coin a phrase.

Don’t get me wrong, ding-dong Trump is still very dangerous and he is one of a number of people who could, through a MAGA Congress’ nullification of a Biden win in 2025 force us to the breaking point.

But that hasn’t happened yet. Nor has the civil war — or popular revolt — in 2021 that so many MAGA New Right cocksuckers seem to crave. Though, in all honesty, I don’t think they really want a civil war in the concrete. For the time being, at least, a “civil war” is just an abstract talking point that they use when drinking Miller Light with their friends on the back porch of their cabin where they SWEAR they saw Big Foot one time.

Anyway, much to my surprise and delight, the Union continues to be holding up pretty well. At least on the surface. It’s definitely a lot more unstable that Blue Check liberals would have us believe — but, there would need to be a huge catalyst of some sort for there to be an actual hot civil war in the United States in 2021. August hasn’t come yet, so I guess it’s still possible.

And we are still well on track to have a civil war at some point between Election Day 2024 and Congressional Certification Day 2025.

Get your rest. Buy a passport. Get ready.

The Globe Is Burning Up & We’re Lulzing It — What Is Wrong With Us?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Sometimes, I’m ashamed of being a human. This happens a lot whenever I see some fucked up weather even occur and because of, what, politics? we ignore it. The entire fate of all 8 billion of us rests on our willingness to work together to save the planet and what are we doing?

Jack shit.

And it’s only getting worse. The conservatives in my family don’t even see a discussion of global climate change as legitimate unto itself. It’s a struggle to get them to take the issue seriously, period, full stop. But once you do pin them down, all they want to talk about is how AOC’s Green New Deal would ban the entire dairy industry because of bovine farts.

Or, they say humanity has nothing to do with any of the weird weather and it would happen no matter what.

And, if you manage to absolutely pin them down on the issue, they say, “There’s nothing we can do about it, so why worry about it, you fucking libtard.”

It’s that combination of an unwillingness to take global climate change seriously mixed with simple fatalism. It makes you wonder if there’s anything that could change such a fucked up situation.

Sadly, I can’t think of anything.

It would have to suddenly be in the vested interest of the Right elite to demand collective action on the part of the base. They would have to berate the MAGA base into submission after decades of climate change denying propaganda. It makes you wonder if any of this would change if the United States literally got too hot to live in and we all had to move to Canada.

I guess it might because then there would be blood money to be made by the invasion of Canada to fix the situation for 300 million Americans.

So, we’re fucked guys. There might be a spasm of panic on the part of the American Right at some point in the vague future, say, 50 years from now. But it will be way too late.

We’re going to burn alive. All of us.

The Legend Of Catturd ™ Or: The Surreal Froth Within The MAGA New Right ‘Revolution’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Some seriously strange things happen within the MAGA New Right “revolution” on a fairly regular basis. It can get so bad that to an outsider like me it’s a struggle to understand how adult, educated people can act so fucking stupid and juvenile.

Off the top of my head I can think of several instances — usually involving tittering over the emails of FBI agents in love who hated Trump– where some people who should know better grossly embarrassed themselves in a very public fashion. And that doesn’t even begin to address people like Jesse Kelly who wallow in the stupidest, crassest political agitprop and then claim that they’re “proud” of it. When, of course, we know he’s just trying to corner the market on such idiotic bullshit to make a name of himself. Remember, as he would say, “Welcome to the New Right!”

Then there is the frothiest of the frothy — Catturd ™ . Every Sunday it seems, he gets something EXTREMELY STUPID trending. This makes the fucking cocksucker dipshit idiots of the MAGA New Right get a huge boner and giggle that ‘It’s a patriot thing, you wouldn’t understand.”

Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ, give me a fucking break you fucking piece of shit.

What I think is happening with Catturd is when the time comes, the account’s ability to get things trending will be weaponized. This could grow historically important if that particular switch is flipped in the middle of a Congressional certification crisis in January 2025. To think, a media narrative that decides the fate of the United States could be started by a Twitter account named “Catturd.”

Another thing that this “froth” does is allows MAGA racist cocksuckers to left off some steam in the fucking stupidest possible way so when they get called out for it by, say, people like me, they get to sit back and say, “You liberals are so humorless.”

Idiots!

It’s not funny, it’s just stupid and embarrassing.

America’s Abstract Obsession With A 2021 Civil War


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Jesus Christ, people, cool it with the “civil war 2021” searches. Almost no one reads this blog on a daily basis and the vast majority of the people who do are looking for dystopian hellscape civil war scenario content like I write about here all the time.

It appears that — especially in the much of the old CSA — people are obsessed with the idea that, literally, at any moment, a civil war is going to break out in the United States. My current theory is the long-standing abstract fears that conservatives have about “cancel culture” and “Critical Race Theory” have leapt into something darker — civil war.

So, a lot of conservatives don’t know exactly what it going to happen, but they think, in abstract terms, that “a civil war in 2021” is going to happen. I don’t even know if they really think about what it would actually entail, just that they hate “libtards” so much that that’s the only thing that can think of that is going to happen. It’s the worst thing possible, and their frustration with “libtards” who “won’t leave them alone” has gotten so bad that, obviously, a civil war is going to break out at any moment.

A similar abstract belief on these MAGA New Right conservatives is that there is going to be a popular revolt on the part of conservatives to “take back America” from the “evil libtards” that are doing nefarious things in the non-extant basement of pizza join in the Washington area.

I’m not saying that it’s not saying a “civil war 2021” isn’t possible. But what I am saying is you would need a catalyst — and a pretty big one.

As such, all these abstract fears about a civil war this year will come true — just in the general 2024-2025 timeframe when we’re struggling to get a MAGA controlled Congress to certify a Biden re-election. It will be THEN that we face the existential choice of autocracy or civil war.

But I will admit that the United States is primed and ready for a civil war in 2021. It’s just not going to happen out of the blue. Some sort of unexpected, outside pressure would have to be exerted on the system for it happen.

And, at the moment, that has yet to happen.

MAGA New Right Republicans Are Craven, Not Dumb


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of my political pet peeves of late is how so many people on Twitter are quick to jump on this or that ostensibly “dumb” comment on the part of some MAGA New Right thought leader. Most of the time, these guys aren’t dumb at all — they’re fucking craven.

Here’s what the populists with pitchforks of Twitter miss: a lot of the “dumb” comments coming from MAGA New Right thought leaders are directed towards the base. These “thought leaders” often say things that to everyone outside their core of support seems extremely stupid — Sen. Blackburn picking a fight with Tay-Tay, for instance. Or Sen. Blackburn saying “cancel culture should be outlawed.”

It sounds very, very dumb.

But it’s not — it’s craven.

MAGA New Right thought leaders are so fucking craven that they’re willing to come across as complete idiots as long as they can goad the intended audience of their “stupid” comments — their very receptive base — into voting. Also, remember, a lot of these allegedly “stupid” MAGA New Right thought leaders are extremely well educated. They KNOW that just by being who they are that they’re going to take a pounding on social media (or, at least, Twitter.)

So, they embrace and extend this idea by tweeting stupid shit for the base, which loves it, knowing that the nattering nabobs of liberal negativism will quote-tweet whatever it is they said, amplifying the message. J.D. Vance is growing to notorious for pulling such stupid stunts.

But this is just a pet peeve. It’s not like anyone listens to me, anyway. People on Twitter are going to keep falling for this ploy on the part of the “stupid” MAGA New Right.

‘Republican Secession Scenarios’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Since someone searched for that and found this blog, I will write about it. One thing is clear — Republicans have been such a steady flow of bullshit that they are primed and ready for a secession crisis should it ever occur.

But there would need to be a catalyst, something to spark MAGA state legistatures to begin to call secession conventions. I just don’t believe Republicans have it in them to rise up and start murdering liberals en mass. They’re all talk — or frustration. Trump is a coward and a joke when it comes such shit and even if he went transactional for some reason, he’s such a pantywaist that he would hide behind the “it’s not my fault” defense. He wouldn’t own any secession and run with it. (At least, not at first, unless it got some traction.)

Yet, as a I keep writing, there are a wide array of potential secession scenarios facing us. Most of them don’t really apply to 2021 but rather the 2024-2025 timeframe. In a sense, if there was a secession crisis now it would be a win for the forces of democracy because The Good Guys would control the military and it would be pretty clear for their to be a media narrative for the broader public as to what should happen.

It’s when you have the very murky situation surrounding a potential Congressional certification fight that all hell could break loose because it would be difficult for their to be any sort of clear understanding of who was in the right. (Which would be the whole point of MAGA balking at certifying a Biden win in the first place.)

The only secession crisis I can think up that would happen in 2021 would have something to do with Cyber Ninjas in Arizona “proving” that Trump “won” the state and that sets of a series of events whereby Trump goes transactional and MAGA states start to leave the Union immediately.

So, in general, unless something really unexpected happens, we should be ok until late 2024 and early 2025. Then, we’ll either have a civil war or turn into an autocracy.

‘the next civil war in America 2021’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Apparently, within some MAGA New Right circles, there is a lot of mental energy being put into the idea that there is either going to be a violent national MAGA revolution by the end of the year, or a similar-type civil war. This blog is about as unread as you can get, and what little traffic there is now is almost exclusively from people obviously on the exact opposite end of the political spectrum form me obsessing about the exact details of a civil war or MAGA revolution this year.

There are a few ways I can imagine a civil war happening. The chief one would be the Cyber Ninjas bullshit in Arizona causes some sort of nullification crisis that turns into a secession crisis that turns into a civil war. But the only way I can imagine any sort of “violent populist MAGA New Right revolution” happening is if Trump pulled a Scalia on us and shuffled off this mortal coil peacefully in his sleep — and the MAGA ammosexuals don’t believe it and start running around, murdering people in the name of their martyred, bonkers dipshit hero.

So, it’s at least possible that there might be a civil war in 2021, but it grows less and less likely. If we can get pass August, I think we’re ok. I’m even less willing to believe this year will see any sort of violent MAGA New Right overthrow of the government.

But, I get, the people who want a violent MAGA revolution “just want to be left alone” and, as such, they want to murder people for their politics.

Damn, The MAGA New Right Definitely Has Violent Revolution On The Brain


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

In my never-ending quest to make my abstract fears about a civil war or autocracy coming to the United States concrete, I do a lot of hysterical, dystopian writing about the likelihood of either one of those things happening in the near future.

The lit thing is my Webstats indicate that out there in the aether a shit tone of MAGA New Right people are thinking about a violent MAGA revolution of some sort. Like it happening RIGHT NOW.

This is very aggravating because I write a lot about the prospect of a civil war, but a MAGA revolution is a different matter altogether. Apparently deep in the bowels of Trumplandia, a lot of MAGA New Right cocksuckers have a vague, abstract belief that they’re all going to collectively rise up and overthrow the Biden Administration.

Put up or shut up, is all I gotta say.

While I can easily imagine a Cyber Ninjas induced nullification crisis becoming a secession crisis that leads to civil war, even I struggle with the notion that MAGA is going to go full Turner Diaries and violently overthrow the government on a populist level. It really makes you wonder what’s rolling around the minds of MAGA New Right people — are they that scared of the browning of America that they think, on an abstract basis, the United States is about to have a violent fascist revolution? What the what?

I guess what is happening is the abstract fears that led to Trump in the first place have been taken to the next level — now MAGA New Right people have an abstract belief that MAGA is going to overthrow the government, that MAGA is going to “take matters into its own hands” and do what the “swamp” in D.C is unable or unwilling to do. Ugh.

All I know is a lot of the people involved in the January 6th insurrection turned out to be a bunch of cry babies. You can have all the guns you like, you bunch of fucking racist MAGA cocksuckers, but if you’re a fucking coward then that’s not going to do you much good.

Anyway, MAGA having violent revolution on the brain is not a great development. It does lend some credence to my belief that The Dead Hand of History is now in charge and the United States is fuuuuuuuuuuuucked.

Goodluck. Get a passport.