Tag: fashion photography

Idle, Drunk Daydreaming About Being A Fashion Photographer

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have to accept that I’m an Old. I’m past the Even Horizon when it comes to any success I might have being done under the “normal” routine. This fact is so deep to me that it sometimes washing across my mind and stops me cold. Even if I eventually get the success I believe I’m capable of — which is debatable at this point — the context will be all out of whack.

I could be a fashion photographer, given the opportunity.

Instead of gradually paying my dues and becoming a success like a normal fucking person, I’ll seemingly “come out of nowhere” as an “Old.” If I become a such a success that I catch the eye of the press, that’s all they’ll want to know — “How does it feel being a sudden success as an Old.”

At the moment, there are two potential ways I might realistically become such a success — writing and photography.

I’ve spent the last few years working on a six novel project and it’s going really well. I’m pleased with where things stand and I feel I just have to be patient and there’s a reasonable chance that I will get within shouting distance of selling a novel. Or, put another way, I now know how I develop and write a novel and there’s a pretty good chance that I might sell a novel before I drop dead.

Meanwhile, there’s photography.

In a sense, I like photography more than writing because the reaction is instant and a good or great photograph is self-evident. But there is the problem of being able to afford buying the equipment. And that, to date, has been a real problem for me. I’ve been very poor for a very long time.

Great shot of mine.

The point is — I’ll put a move on you.

There’s a greater-than-zero chance that should something happen and my financial situation change rather abruptly that I’m going to suddenly have a career in photography. And given I love women and I love beauty, that would lead me to the sweetspot of fashion photography.

But, at the moment at least, all of that is just daydreaming. If you are using an sort of traditional metrics to judge my potential fate, well, lulz, you have every reason to ignore all of this and, I don’t know, be a smug successful liberal in a major urban area.

And, yet, people always underestimate me. Always. As long as there’s life, there’s hope.

Existential Angst On The Cusp Of 50




by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

“You have potential,” the late Annie Shapiro told me in her last email to me before she died some time later. I find myself thinking a lot about those words as I careening towards my…gulp…50th birthday.

The late Annie Shapiro and me, back when I was young and cute and people cared.

I also find myself thinking of two people. One is U.S. Grant. He was a big old loser for a number of the years leading up to the Civil War. It was only because of the crisis of the Civil War that he was able to rise to the occasion and not just lead the nation to victory, but to become president.

The other person I find myself thinking of at this moment in my life is Stieg Larsson. As I understand it, he was 50 when he sold three thriller novels only to promptly drop dead of a heart attack.

I continue to work on a project that is planned to be six novels. I hope to wrap up at least the first novel at least during the year of my 50th birthday. I had hoped to have something sold BY my 50th birthday, but that, sadly, is not going to happen.

Anyway, what have I learned in my nearly half-century of existance?

This could have been me.

One of the key things I’ve learned is that I’m not only a late bloomer, but I’m far more creative than I imagined for much of my younger life. It took me going to South Korea to realize that I have a number of talents that I could have exploited had I realized I had them when I was 20 years younger. But, in a sense, some pretty dramatic changes would have to be made to my personal history for that to happen.

So, here we are.

Almost 50 and living in oblivion.

I suppose there’s still time pull things through. And, yet, if you’re a single man like me without kids you don’t really have any initiation rights for the different, new stages of your life. You just wake up one day, go to a bar and realize the cute female bartender you’re talking is old enough to be your daughter. Then you grimace and try to extricate yourself from the situation without embarrassing yourself anymore than you already have.

Emma Chamberlain is so young.

What do I think my chances are of living up to my “potential?” Good question. There is one talent I have over and above writing that I could probably leverage into success later in life: photography.

I’m a damn good photographer.

I’m an excellent photographer, good enough that I could become a professional fashion photographer under the right circumstances. I would have to fall into a little bit of money to be able to afford the equipment, but other than that, I have the innate talent necessary to get a lot farther down that creative path than you might think.

The key issue is, of course, that whatever success I might get at this point will be framed in the context of how old I am. The sweetspot for success is somewhere around your early 30s. If you’re 20 years older than that, every news story about you will be frame in the context of how fucking old you are because that’s the obvious hook — look at the old dude who managed to become a success later in life when everyone else is thinking of retiring.

Ugh.

But I’ve always been a late bloomer. Always. But something about what happened to me in South Korea blew out an emotional knee in my mind and it’s taken me way, way, way, way too long to get past it.

And, yet, in a sense, I finally have. But I’m still broke as hell and drifting through life, even if the seeds of potential success have been sown.

‘Manifesting Destiny’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Occasionally, I’ll feel a sense of dread, or just the feeling that Something Big is about to happen. Sometimes, it’s nothing. Other times, I fucking break my ankle.

I generally think gambling is the devil’s business, but I’m so desperately poor and it fits into my general belief that I’m special and destined for some sort of quirky greatness (wink) that I do, on occasion play the lottery.

I probably spend way too much brain power thinking what I would do with a sudden, significant windfall. The last time I checked, Mega Millions was up to $600 million. That may have changed recently, but I’m too lazy to double check.

Anyway, in my effort to manifest me winning the lottery, here is what I would do with all that sweet, sweet cash if I somehow miraculously won it.

  1. Move To A Big City
    The first thing I would do is become one of those smug bi-costal people who humble brag about taking the Red Eye for this or that reason. With a few hundred million dollars to play with, I would buy two places to live — one in NYC and one in LA.
  2. Start A Publication
    With all that money, I would hit the ground running. I would, I don’t know, buy The Village Voice brand or something. Or think up a new name. But whatever it was called, I would throw some money into starting a publication in the tradition of Spy and Gawker. Building this new media empire would consume my life, just like ROKon Magazine in Seoul did.
  3. Hire Research Assistants For The Novels
    I would continue to develop and write six novels, but I would hire a few research assistants to lighten the load and make the end product much, much better.
  4. Be A Bon Vivant
    Rather than be one of those lottery winners that flamed out, I would be like Mark Cuban who, if we’re honest, pretty much just won the lottery when he sold Broadcast.com to Yahoo for $1 billion back in the day. I would become an insufferable media personality that was always shooting my mouth off and doing weird, interesting things for the same of doing weird, interesting things.
  5. Start A Dive Bar
    I would find a small venue somewhere cool in NYC and start a dive bar like Nori in Seoul where I used to DJ. I would be the DJ on the weekends and it would be really cool. Sort of a Studio 54 meets CBGBs vibe.
  6. Become A Fashion Photographer
    I would throw money into buying all the equipment I need and then figure out how to become a fashion photographer. I have the talent, I just am very, very, very poor and if that changed in a big way then I would make myself known in the fashion industry.

    None of this, of course, is ever going to happen. It’s just a daydream. I suppose if I sold my novel and it was A HUGE SUCCESS then some of the above might, eventually happen. But I wouldn’t count on it.

    For the time being, at least, I’m reasonably content living in oblivion.

I’m Harmless, I Swear

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m kind of paranoid about people taking my sometimes Internet-crank like writings the wrong way. I’m extremely harmless. I’m not quiet and I don’t keep to myself. In fact, in the real world, in person, I’m very much an extrovert. But we live in such a world that anyone who is “different” is automatically pigeonholed as dangerous and bonkers.

So, when I saw in my Webstats that someone in Alexandra looked at the “fashion photography” tag I grew concerned. The person came directly to that tag, as if maybe it was sent to them in an email. Given Alexandra’s proximity to Washington D.C. and, as such, like the FBI, I a little unnerved that somehow the FBI thinks I’m some sort of deranged lunatic that needs to be watched.

I’m definitely no such thing. In fact, the worse thing anyone ever said about me was I was “a delusional jerk with a good heart.”

So, please, FBI agent, if it was you, please don’t think I’m some sort of crazy person. I’m different, yes, but harmless. I have a lot of ideas about a lot of things, but I hate violence, hate guns and just want to be left alone so I can work on my novels.

Please.

In Defense Of Olivia Rodrigo


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

At the risk of being a dirty old man, I would like to take a moment to defend Olivia Rodrigo wearing a pretty stunning dress at the recent opening of the Academy Museum. (I know, I know, what else am I going to say?)

The argument is, she’s just barely 18 and, as such, for her to wear such a dress is for her, by definition, to be unduly sexualize. I validate that argument, and, yet, I have to take issue with it. Your typical fashion model walking the runways is somewhere in the 14-17 age range and some of the clothes they wear are eye-popping.

Holy cow, Olivia Rodrigo! / Internet image.

The dress in question is gorgeous as is she and given she is 18 and can pull it off, I say go for it. She’s gorgeous enough that she could easily walk the catwalk and, as such, fall within the context of wearing provocative clothing for her age. If anything, I would be more concern about brunette-loving Pete Davidson swooping in and dating her more than I would how provocative the dress is.

Or, put another way, from a photographic standpoint, the pictures I’ve seen of her in that dress are incredible. I say this as someone is regularly rattled by how underage Millie Bobby Brown really is unduly sexualized for her age and, by the way, what’s up with her and Drake?

Again, I don’t mean to come off as a dirty old man. But, I guess, in the eyes of some, I, by definition, am.

I Need A Muse So Bad


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I went on one of my regular writer’s retreats and came back with all these ideas. One is a time travel short story. The other is screenplay for a romcom dealing with the power of modern technology.

And, yet, I still have four novels to work on and saving up the money to buy a really good Nikon camera so I can make that my second “creative track.”

So, while I might give myself 24 hours to be somewhat distracted by the short story, unless something big happens, after that, I’m going to throw myself fully back into the novels.

But I definitely feel like if I had someone in my life to kind of manage my creativity, I might be able to knock out a lot more art. And, yet, the only way that’s going to happen to me is, well, if I become a sucess.

Otherwise, lulz.

Helmut Newton Is My Photographic Hero


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The more I think about it, the less I care about actually having any interaction with the subjects I might take pictures of should I get what I want, which is a career (of some sort) in the fashion industry.

Lulz. I’m obsessed with the art of fashion. The actual people involved can do their own thing. If they’re gracious enough to allow me to sit with the cool kids, then, great. But, honestly, just having the opportunity to take pictures of gorgeous women in gorgeous clothes would be enough.

But having said all that, I find myself thinking about my first memories of fashion photography. For some reason, even as a young man, I was drawn to the work of Helmut Newton. I liked the stark, austere nature of his work. That he was working with the best looking women in the world, didn’t hurt.

My best Helmut Newton-influenced photo I have available.

Helmut Newton of Catherine Deneuve

Anyway, lulz. No one cares. And if they do care, they think — at this point — that I’m totally delusional and bonkers. Which, at this point, I am. But I’m notorious for taking a tiny opportunity to running with it at light speed. So, it’s at least possible that once I get the Nikon camera I’m working towards buying that something might, at last, break my way.

I don’t know what to tell you. Either I’m going to always be an Internet crank, or something’s going to change in a big way.

We Were Young Once, And Drunk


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I hope to return to Seoul before I drop dead. Everything changed when I went to Asia. Or, should I say, everything changed when I met the late Annie Shapiro. I have a very romanticized recollection of those years of my life. I mean, Annie was no saint and I was so crazy that they put me in a book about crazy expats. (That was fun, let me tell you.)

The good old days in Seoul.

In more than one way, the bolts popped off my sanity while I was in Asia. And I was so kneecapped on an emotional basis by what happened with ROKon Magazine that I pretty much was in neutral for a decade. But I can feel things beginning to change now.

Now that the novel series I’m working on is beginning to take shape and I have my potential “second track” of (fashion) photography, I’m beginning to get my emotional sea legs again. I think back to how I was a man on fire in Seoul and how I was “famous” and overexposed within the expat community for being everywhere and nowhere at once.

A lot — A LOT — could still go wrong. But the reason why photography, specifically is so appealing to me is it makes me the protagonist of my personal story again. Something has to change in my life for me to use the camera I want to buy successfully. I can’t just stay in neutral. I’m going to have to hit the pavement and see if I can crack some doors somewhere.

I remember how exciting it was in Seoul in late 2006 when Annie and I were changing the world with ROKon Magazine. I would do it all different now, but it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.

I loved being a DJ in Seoul.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that fashion photography is, like being a rock DJ, a sweetspot in my personality. And it was in Asia that I realized I was not a journalist, but, rather a creative person. In a way, being a DJ and fashion photographer are same same but different in my mind. I’m using a similar part of my mind to tell stories, if you will.

But, as I keep saying, I’m about 20 years too old to start a career in (fashion) photography — or any creative career for that matter. They say “age ain’t nuthing but a number,” but “they” lie. All I can say is I have a native, organic talent with it comes to a few things and photography is one of them.

Getting into photography, if nothing else, elevates my serotonin levels.

Existential Angst: Navel Gazing A Future In Fashion Photography


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m not perfect. I freely admit that I can come across as a kook if you don’t know me personally. And I have something of an obsessive personality. But as the late, great Annie Shapiro said about me at the height of the emotional war we were engaged in at one point, the worst you can say about me is I’m a “delusional jerk with a good heart.”

Annie Shapiro and I in the good old days.

So, while my long-term plans at the moment are to write four novels and see if I can become a professional fashion photographer, the latter idea is more about giving myself some hope than anything else. There are many, many obstacles to me getting anywhere near having any success as a professional fashion photographer and, really, at this point, me talking about it tantamount to using The Secret to make it happen.

I’m growing paranoid that, I don’t know, Alexa Chung knows who I am and thinks I’m some sort of deranged stalker? I can’t express how bad even the abstract fear of that being possible makes me feel. I’m a lot of things, but a menace isn’t one of them. I’m a kook, crank even, but usually anything I do that is off putting to people comes from me not having much of a mental filter and also having no idea what the “right” thing to do is most of the time.

But I don’t know. Hopefully, I’m giving myself too much credit. I’m a big ol nobody and have been since I left South Korea. Yet, I do have an organic ability to take a good photo. I just want people to give me an opportunity based on my ability, not some misunderstanding about me otherwise.

And, yet, life is not fair. You have to work with the cards you’re dealt, especially when you’re middle aged and no young anymore.

So, again, as I said, at the moment, me talking about being a fashion photographer is nothing more than me giving myself something to think about other than writing four novels.

I don’t even have a camera yet.

But once I do have the camera I want, I’m going to start going out of my way to find things to take pictures of. I am the first to admit, however, that I’m probably 20 years too old and, really, I should just shut up and lie in bed all day so no one knows I exist.

That’s just not my speed. I’d rather go down in a blaze of glory (hence, the four novels) than play it safe. Every moment of life is precious and it’s up to each of us to do the best with what we have.

Why I’ve Chosen Photography, Rather Than Screenwriting, As My Creative ‘Second Track’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The Good Old Days in Asia.

Being a kook without any friends, you pay a social tax of sorts. People like me thrash around far, far longer than need be because we simply don’t have anyone to give us any advice. And, yet, there is a specific instance where this is helpful: when you decide to randomly do something because you feel its the best for you.

But given how messy the process of getting to the point where you know what you want to do is, people who are “normal” think you’re an idiot at best and a crank at worst. They just don’t take you seriously because you don’t meet the metrics of the “normal” world.

Or, to put another way, “It’s a creative thing, you wouldn’t understand.”

Great subject from my Seoul days.

Anyway, for some time now, I’ve been very publicly and very conspicuously been thrashing around, looking for a second creative “track” to supplement my main track of writing a four novel series. A normal person, say, one with a significant other, would have probably either kept quiet about all this or have far less lofty goals.

But I’m old enough to know who I am. I’m 100% extroverted and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing with my life. I can’t just “follow the rules” because I have no fucking clue with the fucking rules are. And, gentle reader, the concept of “personal responsibility” to me is bullshit. In general, the phrase in my experience is a code word for being racist. The absolute need for people to take “personal responsibility” doesn’t account for what do you do when there are things out of your control? That aren’t your responsibility? Then what? What are the fucking rules for that?

The net result of all of this is actual, normal adults think I’m a fool. They grow tired of my dreams because it seems like I do a lot of talking and not a lot of hard work. So, when things suddenly change, they are shocked that I actually had it in me.

But back to (fashion) photography.

At the height of my glory in Seoul.

Photography, along with being a pop-rock DJ, is organic to my personality. The thing that has stopped me from doing anything with my photographic ability has been a lack of, well, equipment. I’ve been so wrapped up in buying books for the novels I’m working on that I’ve not thought much about anything else.

But, recently, as I’ve grown frustrated with the slow pace of the novels, I decided I wanted a second track. I first thought it was going to be screenwriting. And, yet, there’s a problem.

First, the learning curve for screenwriting is so severe that I would have to draw a lot — maybe all — of my energy away from my main track of working on the novels. That’s just not something I’m prepared to do.

Such a great subject.

So, after a lot of conspicuous thrashing about with different options, I’ve finally settled on photography as my second track because I have an organic ability and I’m using a totally different part of my mind to tell stories in a different way. What’s more I have a real passion for photography.

The only thing standing in my way at the moment is I’m very fucking stubborn and want to buy the best possible camera I can. I don’t really have anything to take pictures of — there’s no rush — so I’m content to bide my time while I save up the money necessary to get the camera I think would be best for me for the type of photography I want to engage in.

But, as I mentioned, the process of getting to this point has left anyone paying attention thinking I’m a (drunk) (bonkers) fool who is all talk and can be safely ignored.

And, yet, as I like to say, I’ll put a move on you.