Tag: Burn Hollywood Burn

Only Worry About What You Can Control


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m really worried someone is going to steal a creative march on me with this novel. After all this hard work I’ve put in into it, my nightmare is someone cherry picks parts off and does something more successful with it.

This has happened to me before with ROKon Magazine and so I’m extremely paranoid it will happen again. But as I keep telling myself, worry about what you can control.

Should I learn 100% that someone has “stolen” my concept, then I have a number of other creative projects in the back of my head I can pivot to. I’m not saying I’m not going to sulk with devastation for a few days — weeks? — but I know a lot more about telling stories than I did when this process began.

As such, I can pretty easily use all that new knowledge to write something else. That’s the plan, at least.

Jennifer Lawrence, My Novel & The Role Of ‘Dr. Susan Calvin’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The thing about Hollywood types is they both live in the aether and also (probably) are obsessed with what people say about them online. I’m a nobody living in the middle of nowhere…but I am writing a novel. And (I think) it’s a good one.

I sometimes for shits and giggles find myself thinking about who might play this or that character in the move adaptation of the novel if somehow, someway miraculously sell it. I really like Jennifer Lawrence, so I mull which character she could play. Honestly, I can’t really think of any character off the top of my head, but given the point of the novel I could definitely see her wanting to, like, uhhhh, produce it.

I’m not going to say I’m any type of “feminist ally” because, well, I’m of the opinion that if a dude says that about himself he’s just looking to get laid. But I have been inspired by the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements to write a novel that pretty much roots around in those concepts as part of its DNA. It also has sex and tech stuff that goes boom so dudes will like it, too. (Hopefully.)

But absolutely no one listens to me. No one. But if someone, somewhere, would listen to me — Jennifer Lawrence? — they would realize there is a great, great sci-fi franchise just waiting to be exploited by Hollywood: Dr. Susan Calvin.

It kind of blows my mind that no one has noticed what a great character she is — and there are all these short stories to be adapted into movies! She appears briefly in the dumb I, Robot movie with Will Smith, but that’s not the character in the short stories at all.

In the short stories, she’s a tough as nails robot psychologist who goes through a series of adventures. All Hollywood would have to do is dust these adventures off, update them, do cool stuff with them and, there you go.

And, yet, again let me say — no one listens to me. Ever.

My Novel As Trumplandia Catharsis For ‘Woke Park Slope Moms’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

First, I know I’m being “oblivious and stupid” for even mentioning some silly idea of New York City ‘woke Park Slope moms.” It’s just a joke I tell myself to make me smile whenever I think about who the audience for this novel is.

But having said that, today was one of the first days when it really sank in that we’re no longer in the Trump Era but in the Biden Era and some basic assumptions about this novel that I made no longer apply. And, yet, the universe I’ve come up with is so Goddamn interesting — and there’s so much momentum behind it in my mind — that I’m going to keep going.

I’m not even going to hedge my bets by working on anything else. I learned a long time ago in this process writing a novel that any such talk is just a distraction. I made a pretty big break through tonight with the beginning of the novel and so I’m pushing ahead.

The biggest structural problem with the novel right now is because we’re in a new political era — one when the president isn’t deranged — it kinda feels weird talking about POTUS as a deranged person.

And, yet, I think if I made it absolutely clear when this novel is set — during Trumplandia — that readers will get it. I don’t intend to mention Trump’s name during this novel, but he definitely has an Individual #1 presence in it. I mean, who else would be president during the time this novel is set?

So, I’m hoping that a lot of people like me will want what I want — a plot that’s not-so-subtly influenced by the bonkers events of the last few years. I can’t help that it’s taken me this long to get to the point where I can actually probably finish this novel at a reasonably fast clip.

I’ve fallen in love with these characters and the least I can do is knock out one complete novel involving them. I keep struggling with some significant insecurity about how dated this novel will seem, and, yet, if I address Trumplandia in a way that, say, “woke Park Slope moms” find some catharsis, then maybe some of them will want to read it.

There is one option — simply slice the POTUS angle off the plot altogether. But, to date, I’ve not figured out how to do that. I want to root around in macro political issues using fiction. So, in a sense, this is my Atlas Shrugged, only it’s more such a novel for liberal-progressives astonished by how bad Trumplandia got before it was all over with.

Or, to put another way — I’m still angry enough about Trumplandia to keep going, damn what everyone thinks.

Oh Lort, Is Phoebe Waller-Bridge A Babe


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Let’s talk about the curious case of Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Relative to Hollywood metrics of beauty, she’s something of a square peg in a round hole. But relative to, like, normal people, she’s a smoking hot babe. In my mind, at least, she’s a smoking hot babe. She has a certain élan to her that isn’t easily pinned down.

Babe.

Ms. Waller-Bridge is so unique, out there and creative that she always keeps you guessing. And what could be more sexy than that? She’s so interesting just by being herself that audiences can really relate to her in a way they can’t with some more established stars.

She probably has a great Hollywood career ahead of her. I could see her being a stable of romcoms for years to come. Though, I also think she would play a great Dr. Susan Calvin from the I, Robot short stories. But I think that says more about my eagerness for one of those short stories to be turned into a movie than anything else.

One thing I find interesting is how she seems to be glowing up right now while another one of my celebrity crushes, Alexa Chung, seems a bit long in tooth. Not to say Ms. Chung isn’t still gorgeous, but the difference in mentality between Ms. Waller-Bridge and Ms. Chung is striking. Ms. Waller-Bridge seems to be getting younger while Ms. Chung is definitely looking a very attractive 35-ish.

Still a classic babe.

Anyway. I have to think of something to make myself feel better than now that fucking Trump has been acquitted by the Senate. I will say, in passing, that one of my novel’s female characters is inspired by Ms. Waller-Bridge. But the connection is extremely tenuis beyond what’s going on in my head when I write the character.

Ava: A Half-Assed, Partial Review


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Yet again I tried to watch a movie and stopped at just about the inciting incident. I do this all the fucking time. This time, it was with the movie Ava. The issue with this movie, the reason why I stopped watching it so early, is I just didn’t care about the characters.

And, in a sense, it was very bland.

It’s structure, at least, was very cookie cutter. What’s so wild is how another, similar movie, Atomic Blonde, pulled me in right away with almost no backstory. Within moments of Atomic Blonde starting, I was hooked. I wanted to see what happened to the characters.

But with Ava…meh.

It just seemed like a rote tale that went by the numbers. So much so that I realized it would be a waste of time to keep watching it and stopped. There were a few character touches that I appreciated, but overall the actual story was blah, blah, blah, I’ve seen it all before.

My Hot Take On Olivia Wilde


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Not that anyone cares, but here’s my take on Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles.. First, I just don’t care. They’re both hot and so what if she’s older than he is. More power to her.

What does bother me about Ms. Wilde, however, is to this middle-aged man, she can come across as too cute by half when it comes to how Hollywood perceives her appearance. Don’t get me wrong — she’s both gorgeous and talented.

But I’ve seen interviews with her where she is shocked (shocked!) that Hollywood casting agents would want her to look hotter. I mean, oh, come on, give me a break. Hollywood is an industry (Double Dees, Double Dees, as SNL would say) and it grates on my nerves that someone as smart as Ms. Wilde would act like it was a big deal that Hollywood — gasp — had sex on its brain all the time.

The whole point of Hollywood is a mixture of sex, money making, storytelling and glamor that allows idiots like me two hours of escape. I really fucking hated Ms. Wilde’s movie Booksmart because I felt it was insulting me for various reasons. From it’s self-conscious selection of a Plain Jane protagonist to the scene where there’s screeching about lesbian sex positions, I bounce from that movie theatre at just about the inciting incident.

But I was shamed by my liberal-progressive echo chamber into seeing it. I left the movie theatre with an overarching desire to watch Heathers again.

Anyway, I think I wouldn’t be so upset about Booksmart if it was a better story. I just wasn’t the audience. I went into the movie without any expectations and when it became way to self-aware about the Male Gaze and the patriarchy, I said fuck this. There is this thing called “subtext” where you can rant about such things all you want and still tell a good story.

But having said all that, Ms. Wilde is great. I wish her luck. I would take it easy on the browbeating audience members like me with the idology, though. Try to tell better stories. The rest will come naturally.

Hollywood, ‘Fleabag’ & The Strange Case of The Dog That Didn’t Bark


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Looking back over all my ranting about Trumplandia, there’s one thing that really shocks me — we never got a “Network” for that era. It’s surreal. It’s almost as if Hollywood was scared to touch the epic shitshow that was happening all around us for four years.

For much of Trumplandia, the case could be made that it just takes time to develop and produce a movie. But in the four years of Trumplandia, we never once got a movie that directly referenced the insane situation we were in. And, really, in a sense it was Phoebe Waller-Bridges’ “Fleabag” that gave us the catharsis we needed.

How many times during Trumplandia did we collectively want to look at the camera of life with one of Fleabag’s expressions?

Now that Trumplandia has fallen, it does raise the question of will art ever address it. The novel I’m developing and writing hopes to do that, but the context growing very, very different every day. I struggle with how to tell the story I’ve always wanted without it seeming extremely dated.

The issue, I think, is to make the story a good as possible and also to really lean on character. If I can just make it a good story set in a specific moment in time — like, say “Ladybird,” then some of the more potentially dated aspects of the story will be “hidden” by how good the story is unto itself.

I really have a huge amount of reading to do, but I also have to put-up or shut-up. They say your first draft is meant to be shit, and so now that I have the structure of the story down pat, as soon as I’m mentally in the right space to do so –which should be very, very soon — I’m going to sit down and start writing a serious first draft. One, I hope, is the best first draft I’ve attempted to date.

But I must admit that I’m on a hair trigger to do something different if I feel I’m forced to. I have maybe three or four solid novel or screenplay concepts rolling around in my mind and if this current novel becomes untenable, I’m going to move on — even if it sucks and will hurt like a bitch.

Yet, that hasn’t happened yet. Gotta keep moving on.

I still think there will be an audience for a novel that wallows in the conventions of Trumplandia.

The Portrayal of Women In My Novel Continues To Weigh On My Mind


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I often talk about how I want this novel to be for “woke Park Slope moms.” Someone told me I was being both “delusional and stupid” to say this and, I guess, I am. But I find it funny.

I guess what I’m saying is with the phrase is I’m really aware of what women in the audience might expect from the novel. I also know that people at Vox, with their received Tik-Tok English wouldn’t even give me a chance.

But my default prediction right now is I’m going to finish this novel, query it, be rejected and then have to self-publish. From the very beginning, I just wanted to go through the process of developing and writing a novel and, as such, that’s exactly what I’m doing.

The Trump Era just gave me the energy, the fucking white hot raged, necessary to do get pass the astonishing learning curve and get this far in the process. I’ve now given myself a very short deadline, so I have to bali bali, as a Korean might say.

But anyway, back to chicks.

I’m trying my hardest to be as empathetic as possible with my female characters. I have no special insight into women, but I am, like, cognizant. I understand that women have needs and wants just like men and the trick is to get close enough to describing those needs wants without making female readers roll their eyes at my cluelessness.

We’ll see, I guess.

#Novel Update


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

  1. After about two years of struggle, the novel is finally where I want it to be. My story telling ability has finally improved to the point that I can “just write” as people kept telling me two years ago.
  2. Things are moving very, very, very fast now. Any delay will simply be that it takes physical time to write a novel as long as I intend this one to be.
  3. Wish me luck.

James Bond Has Really Let Us Down In The Gadget Department


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

My novel is growing far more scfi in nature far earlier than I predicted. Or, put another way, my heroine’s interaction with advanced technology is beginning to become a central part of the plot sooner than expected.

Right now, I have two major issues to deal with — how often we get to see the heroine’s POV and how often the “embraced and extended” gadgets of James Bond I’ve given her influence what she does as part of the plot. I also have the issue of the nattering nabobs of negativism at VOX waiting to pounce on my pop-lit novel if it doesn’t fit their corporate liberal metrics.

But I’m being both “delusional and stupid” about even selling this novel at this point. I’m an untested, unknown male author who probably comes off as just a well-meaning Internet crank if some lit agent looked at my online ID at this point. I can always self-publish if need be.

Anyway, I’m very pleased with the gadgets I’ve come up with for my heroine. They’re very innovative, next generation and kick ass. And, in the second book, some REALLY cool things are going to happen because of them. I’m really into flipping the script as much as possible, so a lot of themes one might expect in a novel such as this are implemented in an unexpected fashion.

I at least hope so.

The point of all of this is I feel the folks at Eon have let James Bond — and us — down. Bond is about girls, gadgets and guns. While the girls are still hot, the gadgets these days are so so. Just turn on the TV for your inspiration. There’s some seriously cool things being cooked up in tech right now, why not use it?

I guess some of it is producers and screenwriters just aren’t woke to some of the cooler things being designed right now. So, I guess, in a sense, I have my in to entertain readers in an unexpected fashion. I’ll put a move on you, as they say.