Tag: Burn Hollywood Burn

A Scifi Western Would Be Fun To Write

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of my favorite movies growing up was Outland, which, as I understand it, is High Noon set in space. After about 20 years of contemplating a particular scenario, I realize that one way to give it a plot would be to have something akin to a scifi Western in the sense that it would have a lot of the elements of a traditional Western, but it would also lean heavily into scifi.

‘Outland’
I might look into this a little bit sometime soon. I was thinking of looking up “how do you write a Western?” then use the modified tropes of a Western in this scifi story.

But I dunno. I may just keep focused on the mystery-thriller I’ve been working on for so long. I’m beginning to get a little nervous about what I’m going to do when I finally start the very-serious process of querying.

Oh boy.

I’m Just About To Enter The Second Act Of The ‘Alpha Release’ Of The Third Draft Of My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Months after I started working on the first act of the third draft of my first novel, I am at last about to enter the second act. This is important because I know this part of the story far, far better.

Though there are some structural elements to the novel I’ve had to change in the rest of the novel, things SHOULD move very, very fast now. I should be able to come out with an Alpha Release of the third draft no later than April. Then I will go through and do an edit of it so the Beta Release is actually coherent enough that I can maybe find some professional to read it and help me take it to the next level.

And, yet, I am very, very poor, so…I don’t know. Don’t know how exactly that will work out — if it will work out at all. I might just query what I have in early fall 2024 and see what happens.

Of course, now I have to take a deep breath and think seriously about querying. But I think I may punt that particular issue down the road a little bit more. I want to have a complete third draft done — even if it’s an Alpha Release — before I get too worked up about querying.

And, of course, all of this is happening in the context of the fucking Petite Singularity / Fourth Turning happening at just about the moment I want to query.

Wish me luck, I suppose.

Pondering The Precipice Of Querying

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Now I’m worried that deep in the bowels of the Internet aether I’ve annoyed the liberal white women that make up most of the literary agent class, even before I’ve begun to query my first novel. All I can say is — I mean well. And I’m generally a fan of liberal white women. (Even if I do sometimes use them as a class as something of a comic foil in some of my drunk political rants.)

But what I’m NOT a fan of is being attacked for being a smelly CIS white male writing from a female POV. Or being forced to debate how many of my characters can dance on the head of the Bechdel Test pin. And I am who I am. Come what may.

I don’t MEAN to annoy anyone, but I’m not going to fake who I am. And, in general, I think literary agents will find me endearing, thoughtful and interesting — if they’re willing to give me a chance.

And, yet, who knows. I still have a few more months before I finish a stable third draft of the novel. Then there will be the struggle to find — and afford — a manuscript consultant to take the novel to the next level. And all of this will be happening in the context of a Petite Singularity / Fourth Turning in late 2024, early 2025.

So….good times?

I Don’t Have A Problem With Being ‘Woke,’ Just Don’t Come After Me For Being A Male Author Writing From A Female POV In My Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I notice that someone is interested in all my ranting about the “woke cancel culture mob.” So, let me be clear — all my ranting on this subject is usually generated by booze and annoyance that I will be dinged by some hyper-woke people for being a male author writing from a female POV in my novel.

If Stieg Larsson can do that, why can’t I?

Anyway, I also know that being a drunk crank I’ve almost — certainly — done more than one thing in my personal life that will leave the hyper woke aghast. But, all I can say is the worse thing anyone ever said about me was that I’m a “delusional jerk with a good heart.”

My heroine, in my mind, looks like Corrie Yee.

So, yeah, I’m not perfect. But who is? And I generally mean well. So, I find myself wondering if all my talk about consensual kinky sex and periods in this novel will be poo-pooed by woke liberal white women because it’s ME, a smelly CIS white male, who wrote it.

Meanwhile, Emerald Fennell can go way, way off the creative beaten path and is hailed as the best thing since slice bread. It’s shit like that that causes me to rant when I’m drunk. Judge me by work, not by my gender. I GENERALLY support the media narrative about trans rights, etc, but I’m human and I have the occasional stray thought that maybe might get me in trouble with the woke Powers That Be.

I HATE this type of “woke.”

Regardless. My first novel is going well. So well, in fact, that I’m probably going to feel comfortable doing a lot more reading, watching of TV and movies and doing some writing on my “backup stories.”

I Finally Have A Stable First Act For The Third Draft Of My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Things are going so well with the first act of the third draft of my first novel that I’m seriously thinking about developing the three scifi novels I have rolling around in my mind.

I just need to stretch my legs creatively. I need to have the option of thinking about something other than this same novel. The goal is that the overall product will be better for all the things I’m working on.

I find myself thinking about querying and reading books to “comp” my book to. At the moment, all I have is pretty much just Stieg Larsson books, the originals of which are about 20 years old now.

But I think once January 1st rolls around that I’m going to get a lot of work done. Watch me say that then something happen to slow me down significantly. I’m kind of falling apart physically and I’m a little worried that Something Bad will happen big enough to force me to either pause writing or change the context a great deal.

Ugh. N+1 and all that.

The Space Opera I Want Someone To Produce

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m making my way through Rebel Moon and I keep feeling restless because I see how it might be made better. Here’s an idea that’s been rolling around in my mind for some time.

You have a solar system with a huge Jupiter-sized planet near its sun. We learn that that planet is actually home to a superintelligence. We learn that there is a galaxy-wide empire made up of superintelligence, each with a biological ward that they control using androids.

The story tells that of a young heroine Human who organizes a rebellion against the androids on a earth-sized, habitable planet in this solar system full of humans. Act the end of the second act, it seems like she will be put to death for all the rebellion she’s been up to, but in the beginning of the third act she’s saved because of her valor.

The third act involves her being transported to the galaxy center where she meets the “emperor” of the Galactic Empire. There’s a lot of debate about the nature of humanity and such and, I dunno, somehow she gets humans “freed” from the rule of the machine intelligence to find their own fate, even though all signs point to them destroying themselves soon enough.

Well, I Suspect Hollywood Actresses Will Like My Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I’ve written before, Hollywood actresses have a…unique…psychology. And that psychology tends to get more unique the older they get because they often times become producers. That’s why someone like Jennifer Lawrence is cool with getting paid $20 million for a mid-tier vehicle where she apparently has a fight in the ocean totally buff naked.

And don’t get me started in how puzzling it is to me that there was this huge scramble to play the Hollywood movie version of Lisbeth Salander. I love the character, too, but, yikes, why put yourself through the horrific things that poor woman had to go through and have it on screen!

Sorry you had that done to you, Lisbeth.

Very curious.

With that in mind, it definitely seems as though if I win the creative lottery and my novel becomes successful enough that Hollywood will want to adapt it…that a lot of actresses will be interested in playing one of the numerous female characters I’ve come up with.

The novel isn’t nearly as dark as The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. But there are some…edgy elements to it that I think Hollywood actresses might really like. But, really, what do I know.

I’m just drunk nobody in the middle of nowhere with a dream.

Have I Got A Blockbuster Movie For You!

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The president of Hollywood.

I’m old enough to remember the ending of the original Battlestar Galaxia where they encountered modern day Earth. Well, what if you came up with a situation where a group of Star Wars-like people came crashing into modern Earth.

I think it would be great.

It would be great because you could explore how divided humanity is. And, what’s more, you get to use all the architypes found in Star Wars, only this time they deal with the modern globe.

The key issue of the story would be how divided humanity is and how — EVEN WITH A GALAXTIC EMPIRE BREATHING DOWN THEIR NECKS — humanity would STRUGGLE to get our act together.

Seems like it would be a lot of fun.

We Live In Strange Times

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m drunk, so I’m going to rant about something VERY against the media narrative. I’m annoyed that we’ve reached a point where gratuitous gay sex is great, but we can’t have just regular old heteronormative T&A without it being a Big Deal.

I find this very fucked up.

I’m not opposed to depictions of gay sex in pop culture — my novel sure does have enough of it — it’s just why can’t we have the heteronormative sexxy time of the 1980s in movies and TV in modern times?

It’s a very strange situation.

I have my doubts that this quirk of modern culture will change anytime soon. I think we probably have a solid 20 years before people think, “Hey, maybe it’s not so radical to have some traditional T&A in mainstream entertainment.”

Something About Emma Stone Is So Hot

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It has come to my attention that there is a lot of uhhhh, sexxy time in Emma Stone’s latest Oscar bait Poor Things. Something about that really gets my juices flowing for some intangible reason.

I think some of it has to do with how she’s steered clear of T&A in her career to date. And I think it’s a testament to two things. One is having a great personality is hot — and helps a great deal when it comes to being an actress. That’s why Emrata, who is demonstrably better looking than Stone, neither has the acting chops nor the twinkle that Stone has.

Something about Stone doing showing some skin in Poor Things seems like forbidden fruit, which only adds to the allure. It could be that I’m just turning into a dirty old man, but, lulz.

Another thing — that Stone would show some skin later in her career is a reminder that the dynamic for actresses doing such stuff changes the older they get. When they’re just starting out, it can come across as exploitive. But later in their career, they often serve as producers in the movies they are in, so they have some skin — no pun intended — in the game.

But, I dunno. I think a lot of this idle musing on my part is just being older. When you’re older, the context of such things changes. It is very curious to me how skittish we’ve become when it comes to heteronormative monoculture and the use of T&A in mainstream movies.

We’re so busy having gratuitous gay sex scenes, that we seem to miss that straight sex can be pretty hot, too. Whatever. No one listens to me.