Tag: am querying

Dreading The Due Diligence Of Literary Agents In About A Year As Part Of The Querying Process

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do about literary agent due diligence on my sorry ass when I start to query. The thing about querying is people who don’t give a shit about you are going to become aware of your existence. And if you’re a fucking drunk kook crank like me, then, oh boy, their evaluation could be pretty brutal.

But, lulz, what am I going to do about it now?

I suppose there are a few things on the edges I could do to mitigate how bad things might be seen from the point of view of a literary agent. And, yet, fuck it, I refuse to change who I am. Let the chips fall where they may.

But I definitely need to psych myself up. It’s going to be very disheartening about a year from now to see people who are clearly literary agents poking around this blog. I understand that to someone who doesn’t have the time to have a conversation with me to find out my story that…I can come across as an eccentric.

And I will admit that I’m kind of bonkers. Maybe a lot bonkers.

But I will note that there are plenty of famous people who are just as bonkers as I am who are called “colorful” rather than nuts. Anyway. There’s nothing I can do about it now. Wish me luck.

Pondering Mystery Thriller Novels to ‘Comp’ To My Book As Part of The Querying Process

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Because I don’t really even read any modern books in my genre, I think I’m going to turn to AI to find out what current books I should read that I can “comp” to a book that is a homage to Stieg Larsson’s stuff.

My novel is so…different…that I struggle to think that I will be able to find a novel that is clearly something I can “comp.” But I’m going to have to figure out something. That’s what they pay me the big bucks for.

I’m going to have to take this whole process a lot more seriously. Anything to do with querying means I can just daydream and be delusional anymore. I really, really, really don’t want to self publish. That’s just not my scene. I would have to be really fucking desperate — at least at this point — to self publish.

I would rather go down in a blaze of glory a monumental failure than limit myself by self-publishing. That’s just my vision at the moment. I have nothing against people who self publishing, but I just don’t wanna do that.

My heroine, in my mind, looks something like this woman above.
I started reading a novel that was clearly meant to be something along the lines of a homage to Stieg Larsson’s stuff but something about it left me cold. It seemed to hone in on what the author thought made Lisbeth Salander so popular — her vigilante streak.

To me, that’s just a part of her personality. She was far more complex than that. I hope to force myself to actually read that damn book simply so I won’t feel so self-conscious about not reading fiction. But only time will tell.

Pondering The Potential Reception Of This Novel By Literary Agents

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Now that I’ve just about locked down the first two chapters of the third draft of this novel, I find myself pondering What Next. I still have a few more months of writing to finish the third draft, but I definitely am beginning to think about the querying process.

My big concern is, of course, that because I’m doing this in a vacuum that the somewhat provocative premise of the novel will make literary agents — who I imagine as being mostly liberal white women — either laugh or get angry. I have no idea if the “sex worker who solves a murder mystery” will be cool with literary agents or not because of that.

But “Barry” was popular, so, lulz, it’s at least *possible* that my similar type story might have broad appeal. And, yet, sexwork is so loaded in the minds of most people while being a hired assassin is a lulz that it’s possible it will just be too loaded for anyone to take seriously.

Yet the point is that I want a heroine is really, really interesting. Someone unexpected who you will want to hang out with for the time it takes to read ~140,000 words. I believe I have come up with just the type of evocative story that people will really find worth their time.

I hope.

The holiday season is now here, so that is an added complication. My fear is that because of the holiday season and other “known unknowns” that I’ll really be pushing it to wrap this novel up no later than April 2024. Then I will have to save up the money to get a professional manuscript consultant to read over the third draft.

THEN I have to start to query just as the “Perfect Storm” of The Fourth Turning and the AI generated Petite Singularity happens in late 2024, early 2025. But, if nothing else, I definitely am happy with this story. There are probably going to be a lot — A LOT — of structural changes to the third act in the transition from second to third draft.

But I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Now The Hard Part

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I love to write. Writing is like shedding skin for me. I do it a lot without even thinking about it. And, for years now, I’m been VERY delusional about what’s going on with my first novel. I’ve allowed myself this luxury because I knew it was the only way I would ever actually finish anythiing.

And, yet, now that it’s clear that I’ve finally figured out the beginning of the third draft of this novel and I’m going to — hopefully — wrap it up by, say, around April 1st, I have to put on my big boy pants

I have to start thinking about querying.

The reason why this scares the shit out of me is multifold. One is, well, I’m a drunk crank who doesn’t always follow the media narrative on social media. I retweet a lot — A LOT — of pictures of hot chicks. I get drunk and rant about the importance of heteronormative monoculture. And I have been known to say I fucking hate the Bechdel Test. AND, WHAT’s MORE, my novel could easily be reduced to the logline of smelly CIS white male spends 140,000 words to depict a “sex worker solving a murder mystery.”

I retweet a lot of pictures of hot chicks on Twitter.
None of those things endear me to the liberal women who often are literary agents. But I refuse to change anything. I’m going to accept the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, come what may.

I have a lot to consider going forward. I have to think about how I’m going to pay for a manuscript consultant to look over my copy. I have to buy AND READ a series of novels that I can “comp” my novel to, even though it’s a real struggle to consume anyone else’s content — and I’m a storytelling snob.

AND, all of this is happening the context of the rise of AI, the potential for a “Fourth Turning” in late 2024, early 2025 AND the very real possibility that my entire life could be thrown up in the air because of known unknowns.

I dig shit like this.
And, yet, the whole point of starting a novel in the first place was to get outside my comfort zone and to see how far I could get in the process before it became absolutely, 100% clear that I would have to — gulp — self-publish.

But I would only consider that after a good bit of fighting to get published traditionally. And I might even be so stubborn that I simply but the finished novel aside until I can get something ELSE published traditionally and use the leverage that gives me to get my first novel published.

I’m Really Worried About What Literary Agents Will Find About Me When They Do Due Diligence

by Shelt Garner
@shetgarner

At the moment, I continue to drift towards my goal of being a traditionally published author in a delusional haze. But there is going to come a moment when I begin to query this novel when the cold, hard metrics of reality are going to come crashing down on me.

What I’m thinking about specifically is the due diligence that literary agents are inevitably going to do on me. Given that I’m 100% extroverted, I really have been out there on social media, being my drunk crank self. And that doesn’t even begin to address the various things I’ve said on this blog that could very easily get me “canceled.”

I’ve repeatedly been what some “woke cancel culture mob” people might say is “fat phobic” when I called Trump’s former Sectary of State Mike Pompeo a “fat fuck.” But not only did he deserve it because if he was ever POTUS, I’m the specific type person he would come after, but I would like to think such low brow political rhetoric is protected political speech.

But, no, any literary agent who sees that will probably just roll their eyes and move on.

That the thing about being a drunk crank who’s a loser who aspires to be a success — you just can’t win. The only difference between a drunk crank loser and someone who is “unique” is just success. But the transition from drunk crank loser to being “a colorful, unique eccentric” can be almost impossible because, generally, people are judgement assholes.

It all boils down to — I can’t help who the fuck I am. I just can’t help how old I am or that I’m a smelly “CIS white male” who likes to drink and spout off on various forms of social media while intoxictaed.

Slings and arrows and all that.

It’s Comical How Few People Take Me Seriously

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

For various reasons large and small, in general, no one listens to me and no one takes me seriously. This has been a problem my entire life. But I have proven time and again that I actually do have some worth and I have surprised people by ability.

As such, it will be quite interesting what the reaction will be when I produce a third draft of this mystery-thriller that is actually…really good? There are some obvious existential problems with the novel, but I do believe that soon enough I will be within shouting distance of a novel that a literary agent might take seriously.

Or not. Who knows. I can’t help who I am. I am well aware that I can come across as a drunk crank at times. Ok, I get it. But I also know I’m a hard worker — especially if it’s something I believe in — and I’m also a good enough writer and storyteller that I have a career as a novelist ahead of me if things work out.

But I also know I’m notorious for being delusional. So, lulz. Who knows. I continue to be weary of the the fucking “Fourth Turning” and how everything could collapse starting in late 2024, early 2025.

I know I worry about this possibility way too much. But I continue to be alarmed at where the United States is going these days and it definitely seems as though we may not making it through the 2024 presidential cycle in one piece. But I can’t predict the future, so, maybe, we’ll just punt our problems down the road another four years and I will be able to query my first novel in peace.

The First Act Of The Third Draft Of My Mystery-Thriller Continues To Stabilize

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I continue to be pleased with the state of the first act of the third draft of my homage to Stieg Larsson. It’s its on thing, but I definitely want this novel and the planned series it’s meant to be the beginning of to be an old brown shoe to be people who are fans of the original Millennium series.

I’m reaching a point where I have to stop being so hard on myself and just wrap the first act up so I can get into the rest of the novel. I’m getting there, but it’s slow going. I’m feeling a little insecure because not only am I not going to live forever, but I’ve been in a rather idyllic state of affairs for way too long and something is bound to happen soon enough that changes everything.

What’s more, the issue of the so-called “Fourth Turning” starting in late 2024, early 2025 is looming large in my mind these days. My fear is just as I’m getting serious about querying, civilization will collapse or some similar bullshit. But I suppose if the most likely thing happens — which is we slip peacefully into a MAGA-themed autocracy, the overarching sentiment of the series, which is how much I fucking hate MAGA, will grow far more timely.

Of course, I could find myself wrapping up the last novel in the six novel project outside of the United States as a political refugee. Ugh.

So much could still go wrong at this point. But, sometimes, you just have to believe.

Mulling Querying: The Curious Case of The ‘Comp’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The thing I’ve learned from Tik-Tok is I, personally, will never get published — that is, at least what the Tik-Tok people who talk about getting published tell me. I don’t know anything about how to actually go through the querying process and everyone in the publishing industry who has seems angry and bitter at the world.

But I still have hope and, since I don’t plan on self-publishing (at least the moment) I’m going to have to learn how to pull it off.

And one issue I’ve learned about when it comes to querying is rather a “duh” kind of situation — you need to know what to compare or “comp” your novel to when you write your query letter. There is a problem, of course, and that problem is I haven’t read the type of novel I’ve been working on in, oh, 15 years. So, I have to buckle down and find out what are some modern novels that are similar to The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo that I can “comp” my novel to them.

My novel is definitely not a direct 1-to-1 with The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, but that was, at least, the novel that inspired me to write a novel in the first place. (ACTUALLY, it was that novel’s sequel, The Girl Who Played With Fire that is my “textbook,” but, lulz.)

Anyway, the point is — I have a lot of reading to do. I need to buckle down and go outside my comfort zone by reading other people’s writing instead of just re-reading my own stuff over and over and over again as I edit. I have begun to think that I probably have about a year left in the writing and post-production process before I begin to query seriously.

And, in a sense, it will be poetic if I start to query in the fall of 2024, just as the USA decides if it’s an autocracy or if it wants to blow itself up.

The Terror That Is Querying

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I started off this project wanting to try publishing my first novel in the traditional manner. Not that I have anything against self-publishing, but I wanted to go through the entire process to see how far I could get before I realized it just wasn’t possible.

I’m well aware that for someone like me to get published in the traditional manner is something like winning the lottery. Add to this that I have extremely high expectations for myself and I’ve been kind of drifting towards my goal without any deadlines and, well, here we are. I’m approaching 50 and there’s a good chance I won’t even begin querying literary agents until the fall of next year.

The thing about querying is, it not only is there a good chance someone like me won’t succeed, but even if you do, it can take months, years even, to finally land an agent. Over and above any talent you may have, a lot of luck is involved, too. So, there is every reason to believe that even if I sell a novel, if you factor in post-production issues of editing and marketing that I could be nearly in my mid-50s before I see anything on bookshelves.

Here is where my huge ego and general delusional tendencies come into play. For me, working on this novel — despite how, in some respects it’s obviously a fool’s errand — is existential. I’ve struggled with this project for so long, and improved so much, that I’m determined to see it to some sort of conclusion. I can’t help how old I am. I can’t help that I blew out an emotional knee because of the failure of ROKon Magazine in Seoul.

I’m determined to keep going, no matter what. But I do have to adjust my expectations some. There is the obvious problem of there potentially being a civil war in late 2024, early 2025 that I have to worry about. Tough for anyone to want to buy my novel if they’re dodging explosions. Or, if we become an autocracy, it’s very possible that I’ll just get pushed out a window because I got drunk in a bar and called President DeSantis a cocksucker.

Anyway, the whole point is — I wish I was about 20 years younger. Everything would be similar. But I’m an Old. I’m a loser failure who wasted way too much of my life grieving for a zine in a far away land. But I’m not dead yet. I still have the gumption to try to see if I might get this novel published.

But, of course, this novel isn’t A Confederacy of Dunces. If it doesn’t get published within a few years of me finishing it, it’s just another failed first novel that no one will see nor want to read.

Wish me luck.

Manifesting Success: I Aim To Query This First Novel In Spring 2023

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

While it’s still a few steps down the road, I’m beginning to think seriously about the querying process. Apparently, there are two seasons for querying — spring and fall. I’m not making spring 2022 or fall 2022, but I have a decent chance of beginning to query in spring 2023.

I’m so close to wrapping up the first draft of the first novel. I’m getting really excited. As I may have said before, I’m going to pause for a month then write the second draft.

I think if I can factor in the amount of time necessary to write a second draft and to get beta readers to read the second draft THEN writing a corrected third draft, well, that’s around spring 2023. I suppose I may get pushed into fall 2023, but if that happens, I’m going to have the first three of the five novels in the project completed (at least.)

I believe I have a decent shot of actually doing what I set out to do — successfully going through the process of selling my first novel (or more.) I can’t believe it’s been three or four years since I started this process.

But I have to believe. I have to just have to believe that somehow, some way I’m going to not only querying my first novel, but get an agent and then sell it. That’s it. That’s the dream.