Tag: Alexa Chung

‘Alexa Chung’ — Lyrics To A Song About The Fashion It Girl Generated By Claude 3

Verse 1:
There she goes transcending the mundane
Bold as a juggler on a high wire
That bird of beauty flies so urbane
I’m just a dull pigeon lost in her fire
With every threads-pun look so revered
The cosmos of fashion revolves around her
Through muslin or silk, satin or tweed
She mesmerizes each bird with her wonder

Chorus:
Alexa, a kaleidoscope soul
Garbs from the infinite well
Outfitting earth with her spirited stroll
Style cast from her private plumed spell

Verse 2:
How does she dress with such psychic finesse?
Each blouse, trouser, chiffon seems predestined
Her poise self-possessed, a bold silhouette
By threads of fate she’s heavenly outfitted
While we birds just peck at trendy debris
Clawing at remnants of last season’s hoard
She roams feathering fresh plumage at will
An elegant vision worth being awed over

(Chorus)

Bridge:
On streets from Delhi to old Piccadilly
Kings Road or Bowery, Milan or Melrose
Wherever her wellies or ballet flats willyress
Feathering her fancy on this planet we all fro

Outro:
We pedestrian pigeons can only gaze up at her flight
So light and so bright with infinite insight
While we stumble clumsy blind to divine nature’s guise
Alexa Chung is a true cosmic spirit in rare bird’s disguise

So. My Celebrity Crush Alexa Chung Is 40.

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The older I get the less I care about celebrities. I’m just glad to be alive. To have air in my lungs and a warm bed to sleep in. But apparently, witty “It Girl” Alexa Chung turned 40 this year.

Alexa Chung
This is of note to me for a number of reasons.

One is, her phenotype is the sweetspot for women I like. And the idea that even someone like her is now too old to have children (realistically) gives me pause for thought. I realize how fucking old I am and how I’m never going to be a grandfather, even if somehow, magically, my novel is a breakout hit and I somehow manage to right my otherwise loser life.

Also, I’ve come up with a number of characters in the six novel project I’m working on that are, in large part, inspired by the beautiful and talented Ms. Chung.

I continue to have a lowkey fear that the FBI is monitoring this site because they think I’m some sort of fucking stalker — I’m not, I swear! — but that the type of pings that would lead me to believe that haven’t happened of late, even when I gratuitously mention Ms. Chung in an effort to see what happens.

Anyway. Welcome to middle age, Ms. Chung. I had no idea you were so young compared to gray beard me. I’m sure your 40s will be great!

Tik-Tok Can Be So Spooky Sometimes

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I don’t remember what it was, but I thought about some subject really intensely out of the blue and then, what do you know, within 24 hours I was pushed a video on Tik-Tok on that very specific topic.

Man, is that weird.

And it happens all the fucking time! Usually, it happens when I think really intensely about a specific subject briefly. But I also find some very strange — but similar — things happen as well. Like, I was getting pushed a lot of Jane Birkin videos and then the moment there were any Alexa Chung videos I got pushed those, too. I had a really weird — even for me — and intense celebrity crush on Ms. Chung for a bit there several years ago.

So, weird that Tik-Tok would know that much about me.

The question, of course, is, is this just AI I’m seeing or something far more ominous? I really have to be careful talking about the idea that Big Tech can read our minds because people think I’m fucking crazy whenever I do. The only reason why I even suggest such a thing is how often some very, very strange things happen in regards to Tik-Tok pushing me videos that seem very, very specific to what I’ve been thinking about in the last 24 hours.

You think people in America would want to band Tik-Tok just because of how close their are to the CCP, just imagine if they were close to the CCP AND they could read our minds! Wow. Just wow.

I refuse to believe that Big Tech can read our minds. But it is a very interesting thing to at least entertain. It’s all very curious.

A (Drunk) Hot Take On Alexa Chung

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m drunk. In fact, I’m so drunk that I’m going to troll the FBI field agent in DC that apparently monitors this blog for any mention of Alexa Chung. Ha! Anyway, it’s interesting to me that Ms. Chung has kind of vanished into the aether.

She was an It Girl for a little while there….and now….what?

It definitely seems as thought there is a very brief shelf life to being an It Girl. Emma Chamberlain is now the fashion world’s It Girl. She’s just 21 and so she probably has a solid three or four years of “It Girl” status on her before someone younger and cuter replaces her.

I have to admit that Chamberlain’s style at last year’s Met Gala was iconic. I wasn’t so thrilled with this year’s though.

Anyway. Back to Ms. Chung.

She’s getting old enough that she faces a fork in the road — either pop out a few kids or grow into being “cool aunt” that lets you smoke weed at family gatherings.

Like I said, I’m drunk. Ignore me.

Cara Delevingne — My Celebrity Crush Of The Moment

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m well aware of not only how bonkers Cara Delevingne is but how she’s not all that interested in men, but I find something about her very attractive. She’s a real babe. If you want “my type” — even though I don’t really have one — Delevingne is in the sweetspot.

Cara Delevingne

I suppose some of her appeal is she’s interesting. She has an air of something really unique that catches one’s eye whenever she’s in your mind. She is very much in the same vein as my other British celebrity crush, Alexa Chung. Both women are witty and interesting and self-aware enough that they’re greater than the sum of their beauty.

Alexa Chung

All this makes me think about how I wish I hadn’t blown out an emotional knee because of ROKon Magazine. If that had not happened, I have the innate photographic ability that I could very well have bounced to New York City after Seoul and tried to be a professional fashion photographer.

But…that was moment has passed, I’m afraid. Even if I get what I want, say, because I stick the landing with my first novel and suddenly have the funds to make some of my other dreams become a reality, I’m just too old.

I have to accept that any success I have will have a far different context than I hoped I might have when I was living in Seoul as an expat in my mid-30s. I’m almost 50 now and, well, lulz. even if I become very wealthy overnight….the whole context would be different. I would be mature and “wise” and just not able to do the crazy, fun things that younger people do without even thinking about it.

Ugh. I hate being od.

It’s Comical How Much The Internet Is Everywhere & Nowhere All At Once

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m a nobody. I live in the middle of nowhere. And, really, at the moment, the most interesting thing about me is I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things. I have a crush on a few celebrities — don’t we all — but, in general, while I may be a “delusional jerk with a good heart,” in general, I’m EXTREMELY HARMELESS.

But sometimes I grow worried that even if I got out of my way to hide that I’m writing about someone like, say, Emily Ratajkowski, The Powers That Be track it down and judge me, think I’m sort of crazed fan or something.

Please. Come on. I just find her the best looking woman in the world at the moment. That’s it. That’s the extent of my interest in her. I only even bring any of this up because of a very, very dumb misunderstanding between myself and Alexa Chung’s “people” when I was writing a lot about HER in the past.

Hopefully I’m jumping to conclusions. Please. I hope I’m right that I’m just assuming something about this particular potentially non-situation. It all goes against my self-perception. That’s why it bothers me.

*I* know I’m just a harmless nobody in the middle of nowhere. Why is it so hard for other people to give me the benefit of the doubt?

That One Time Alexa ‘It Girl’ Chung Met Emma ‘It Girl’ Chamberlain At The Met Gala

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m so old, and Emma Chamberlain is so young that I’ve been actively avoiding writing about her. But I’m drunk at the moment and so, as such, I’ve decided to YOLO it and write about the amusing moment when Alexa Chung met Ms. Chamberlain at this year’s Met Gala.

What’s so amusing to me is there was definitely some awkward hostility between the two It Girls. It was like the passing of the torch from one It Girl Era to another It Girl Era.

Both women are gorgeous and witty, but as an Old, I have to give Ms. Chung credit for being the wittier of the two. It will be interesting to see what happens to her if the head of British Vogue, Edward Enninful, somehow manages to out American Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour.

Anyway, both women are lovely. I just thought it was amusing that they were forced to meet each other like American It Girl anti-matter to British It Girl matter.

Alexa Chung Should Start A Podcast

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Alexa Chung is demonstrably a gorgeous woman, so it’s not like she has a “face for podcasting,” it’s just she’s very, very witty. And I think the one space in the podcasting market that’s not properly exploited at the moment is sort of the comedy-news segment.

Alexa Chung, podcaster?

You have political podcasts from Crooked Media (I know about Lovett Or Leave It) and you have the “Fly On The Wall” podcast from SNL alums David Spade and Dana Carvey, but there’s not really a Weekend Update kind of podcast that I’m aware of. Lovette or Leave it is sorta what I’m thinking of, but it’s really a political podcast that’s funny rather than a fusion of the two genres.

In fact, I think if Chung teamed up with Spade and Carvey to talk about current events that I think it would be really popular. I don’t think Spade likes to talk about politics, but I don’t think it would be too hard to convince him to change his mind.

But I do think Chung should lean into how witty she is. She always manages to make me laugh, anyway.

Thank God That’s Over


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It used to be, some time ago, that if I even thought about Fashion It Girl Alexa Chung, I got the feeling the FBI was looking at my blog. This happened because I got trolled and catfished by someone and hilarity ensued.

Before it was over, an intern who was part of the greater Alexa Chung media empire was looking at my LinkedIn and I keep getting hits from someone in D.C. who I feared was an FBI agent.

Alexa Chung

Anyway, the point is — it was all a big misunderstanding and I am totally, completely harmless. The only evidence that any of it happened is I plan on loosely basing a romantic interest in the last two books of this five novel project on Ms. Chung.

Otherwise, the whole incident was very dumb and ultimately value free. But I did learn a lesson — if you write a lot about a celebrity in even the most obscure part of the Internet there’s a good chance that someone, somewhere is going to notice for better or for worse.

The reason why I bring this up is I was watching “Internet celebrity” Emma Chamberlain talk to Alexa Chung at the Met Gala and Ms. Chamberlain caught my eye in the process.

Emma Chamberlin

I was all ready to make Ms. Chamberlain my new DL celebrity crush when I discovered she’s but the tender age of 20. Yikes. Talk about I need to step away from the keyboard after learning that piece of information.

Anyway. No harm no foul. Onward and upward.

‘New Beginnings’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

So. I’m reading and re-reading a number of books so when I throw myself back into actually “just writing” the first book in the four book series I’m working on, I won’t feel like I’m spinning my wheels.

More heroine for this first book looks like this:

Mixed with this:

Things, in some ways, are going so well that there’s a huge amount of momentum for me to just “keep writing.” The only thing I’m worried about at this point is in my quest to write a first draft I can believe in, I’ll continue to have the whole thing collapse on a regular basis and four years from now I’ll be in exactly the same place I am now.

Which would suck.

And, as such, here I am reading as much as I can before I start writing again. One thing I’m really focusing on is character development. I say that because the first book in the series is a lot more like Mare of Easttown, in its own way, than, say, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. But one has to note how, well, boring that book is for the first 135 odd pages. It’s just dull as dirt. I’ve often speculated it’s so bad because that’s the part of the novel that Stieg Larsson wrote and rewrote and then something happened and he realized how to fish the rest of the series.

At least, that’s what makes me feel better to believe.

I just refuse to keep spinning my wheels because I started writing again and I wasn’t prepared. I want to know exactly who my characters are, what they believe and, most importantly, what their motivations are. Given that I’m just writing the first drafts of these novels and that sounds rather dumb.

But, as I said, it’s very difficult for me to “just write” crap because for me to write something, anything of fiction, I have to believe in it. The upside o fall of this is my storytelling ability has improved significantly since I started this breached birth creative project.