by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
If, for some reason, my otherwise ho-hum, boring — and broke ass — life ever gets upended in some, fun, cool way, I will have one advantage despite being old as fuck: I’m a good schmoozer.
Me at a Hollywood party in 2028.
And now that I’ve vowed to be sober (to the best of my ability) I might even be able to use that element of my personality without coming across as just a drunk crank. The one place I could see me using my schmoozing ability to the best purpose would be in LA.
But a LOT would have to change in my life for me to get anywhere near LA. I would need a lot more money than I have at the moment. So, it’s at least possible that if I manage to sell the mystery-thriller I’m working on then I might be a position to travel to LA and schmooze my way into a three picture deal.
That at the moment is, obviously, very delusional.
And, yet, lulz, most of us wouldn’t be alive without a bit of delusional now and again, now would we?
But there is a major obstacle to me finding any success schmooze — I’m just too old. So, in a sense, what might happen is, I go to a cocktail party in LA, become the center of attention….and then nothing. I’m just not young and cute anymore.
I really need to accept this reality. I can’t keep pretending that I’m still in my 20s or 30s. People will judge me a far more differently than that now that I’m in my 50s.
Ugh.