WASHINGTON D.C. — In a stunning historic series of events, the House of Representatives yesterday named comedian Jon Stewart as Speaker of the House. Within moments of this surreal vote, a joint statement by Speaker Stewart and the Joint Chiefs of Staff declared that because of the 14th Amendment both the presidency and the vice presidency were officially vacant.
See reportage of the beginning of World War 3 on pages 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
In line with this decision, Speaker Stewart was sworn in as 47th President of the United States in a nod to the legal theory that Trump was never president in the first place. The Red State reaction to these stunning turn of events was swift. Last night saw the a majority of the Red Southern states call up secessionist conventions.
The Commonwealth of Virginia, however, was wracked with such political violence that no decision could be made about calling such a convention there.
Meanwhile, the nation was gripped with the fear of a race war in the South because of the massive political difference between Red whites and Blue African Americans. A number of notable Southern African American politicians call for peace and calm. But the rage of the African American community within much of the South was proving difficult to contain as massive crowds attempted to obstruct the ability for secessionist conventions to be held at all.
Now-President Jon Stewart gave an address to the nation from the Oval Office making it clear that any attempt on the part of Red States to secede was illegal and would be dealt with in an appropriate manner.
“We defeated secession once, we can do it again,” President Stewart said.
The nation now waits to see what happens next.
