Month: November 2023

Hollywood & Jennifer Lawrence, I WUV You in ALL CAPS

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I love Hollywood and the movies. I love everything about them. I love the pomp and energy of a bunch of creative people getting together to entertain people. I listen to the Little Gold Men podcast a lot and really enjoy it.

Because I’m a delusional, ambitious crank, I often find myself daydreaming about who might play this or that character in any hypothetical Hollywood adaptation of these six novels I hope to one day write. Now, take all of this with a grain of salt — actually selling my first novel, much less SIX would be like winning the fucking creative lottery.

But I’m delusional and feel like gaming out some of the characters seen throughout the series. As I’ve said before, I think the heroine of first novel is first introduced to us looking a lot like this:

Corrie Yee

Meanwhile, one of my two male romantic leads looks — in my mind — like a young Jarvis Cocker.

Jarvis Cocker as a young man.

But all of this is very dumb. I’m just daydreaming. I have no reason to believe at the moment that any of this is anymore than mental masturbation. That doesn’t stop me from struggling to think of a character in this series that might be played by Jennifer Lawrence.

I suppose she would be perfect for the FBI agent later on in the series that causes our Hero no end of grief. She would need to dye her hair read, though. 🙂

Things Fall Apart: I Have To Hurry

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I fear there is going to come a moment in the very near future where the context of me writing a novel will change dramatically. I have written and developed this novel in a rather idyllic situation but all good things must come to an end. If nothing else, this knowledge encourages me to work as hard as possible to finish the third draft of this novel ASAP.

The thing about these fears is it could be that things will suck for a while…then turn out alright. Even if my teeth problems worse and I lose a few because I’m poor and can’t afford a root canal….then maybe I’ll sell this novel and have enough funds to fix that particular situation?

A guy can dream.

Anyway, I’m also old. And at the same age Stieg Larsson was when he dropped dead (50.) But he had sold three novels at that point. I, on the other hand, don’t even have a third draft finished.

The meaning of (my) life.
But this third draft will be the last structural draft. Any drafts beyond this will be just for editing. Though if I somehow magically find the funds to show this third draft to a manuscript consultant…I suppose I might have even MORE structural changes to implement.

Yet I know — KNOW — that this is a great story. The story is probably going to be closer to The Girl On The Train’s ~140,000 word count that the ~100,000 word sweetspot for a first novel. But, lulz, I’m hoping all the “spicy” scenes in the first act will get people interested enough to finish the fucking thing.

I Love A Good Scenario

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

For nearly 20 years, I’ve been mulling the following scenario — what if a Galactic Empire came to humanity with a deal: it will zap a huge number of people to three new habitable planets in a new solar system….but once we were zapped to the three planets, we would have to figure out how to reboot civilization.

I love making this type of situation as complicated and convoluted as possible. As such, my current thinking is, given the conditions of the scenario, that you would want to start off a REALLY SMALL number of people. I think this, because not only would the selection process for a really small — but important — number of people settling new planets be fun to explore, but that just seems the best way to do things.

If you had a lot of people as your first group of settlers — say the first few days or months of settling these far away planets — it would be too easy for things to go wrong. But just a few people together with the ability to zap new people to the planets they were colonizing makes a lot more sense.

Sometimes, I think I’m discovering some basic element of Game Theory or whenever I realize some basic thing you would have to do given the conditions of the scenario.

Anyway. I love this scenario. It’s a lot of fun.

It Happened Again

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Yet AGAIN, I edited the first few chapters of the third draft of the novel and realized there was a better way to do things. So, yet again, I’m reworking things. It’s very, very frustrating.

I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep rewriting everything just because I edit. I have to accept that I’m never going to get things perfect. I think the only way to solve this particular problem is…just not to look over my stuff again until I finish the alpha version of the third draft.

If I don’t do that, then it will be a year from now and I’ll be dodging nuclear tipped artillery shells from MAGA Nazi forces and STILL not have a finish third draft. It’s going to be a real fucking pain in the ass and go against everything I’ve done the last few months — but it’s the only thing I can think of to fix this particular issue.

But before I do that, I’m going to rewrite everything according to a slightly better vision for the novel that editing has provided. Ugh.

The Thing About Steve Bannon

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ugh. Steve Bannon is a fascist bad penny. I see elements of my own personality in his, even if we’re on the exact opposite ends of the political continuum. He fancies himself some sort of Big Thinker or “Trump’s Brain,” but, in the end, he’s just a bunch of fucking hot air.

Steve Bannon
But he is dangerous, to an extent, because there is a lot — A LOT — of slack in the system for Trump should he decide to go full tyrant. The issue is, that I think even Bannon might be taken aback at how tyrannical Trump can become at his behest before there are any consequences.

But there will be consequences if Trump takes Bannon’s rhetorical advice and goes full tyrant. (I AM NOT ADVOCATING ANYTHING.) At the moment, at least MAGA doesn’t have a paramilitary arm like the Nazi SA. Two, the United States is a huge nation with a diverse population that has the self-perception of being a “free country.” If Bannon gets his way and, I don’t know, a weaponized ICE starts to snatch Trump opponents — like me! — off the streets…that might cause even Traditionalists who otherwise love Trump to sit up and take notice.

Or not. What do I know. It could be that Trump really can go full tyrant and no one will care. There might be some protests here and there, but it will be too late because the press will be so scared by Tyrant Trump that they won’t report them taking place.

All I know is — buckle up. On a macro basis, the times they are (about) to change.

The Late Great Second American Republic

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Oh boy. Are we in trouble. As I often do, I used my far, far more conservative relative as something of a one person focus group. And, yet again, what I learned startled me. They key take away is that there is way too much slack in what Tyrant Trump could get away with before this relative — whom I love dearly — would sit up and take notice.

This is not the first time that I’ve realized this, but as we lurch closer and closer to the end of the Second Republic, my alarm grows more severe. To recap — the First American Republic was founded by George Washington, the second, Abraham Lincoln.

Now, we’re at a crossroads. Either we somehow found a Third Republic or we collapse, at last, into autocracy. Either we have a moment of crisis and then national renewal….or we’re very fucked. I just don’t know which option we’re going to pick at the moment.

It could be that this is it. We’re just going to slide peacefully into autocracy and won’t look back. The Era of Democracy will be over once and for all and I will never again live in a “liberal democracy.” Ugh. Or, of course, I may somehow escape the country and finish my six novel project in some other nation.

I just don’t think we’re prepared for how many smug Twitter liberals are going to flee the country the moment it becomes clear Trump is going full tyrant. It’s going to be quite jarring. All us Poors are going to have to fend for ourselves. Also, I still struggle with what group will serve the purpose of the Nazi SA in our transition into autocracy.

So many known unknowns.

Watch Out For That Last Step

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

We have to accept that ding-dong Trump could very well single-handedly cause a cataclysm — “a Great Reset” — starting in late 2024, early 2025. Remember, either option when it comes to Trump is a “Not great, Bob,” situation. If Trump loses, then he might start a civil war to stay out of prison. If he wins, then he could prompt a “Glorious Revolution” that could ultimately result in… a civil war.

Oh, there’s going to be a Great Reset alright, but not in the way you think, you fucking fascists.

So, we *could* be fucked either way.

There is, of course, always a chance that I’m really overthinking things and all of this is just more of my usual hysterical doom shit. I honestly don’t know at this point what is going to happen. My concern, of course, is we’re just not taking the possibility that Trump going full tyrant seriously enough.

If Trump really does try to expel 10 million undocumented people from the country starting in 2025….we have a serious problem on our hands. The ranks of ICE agents would swell to at least a million — if not more — to figure out a way to round up all those people. And that doesn’t even begin to address how doing such a horrific thing would fuck up the American economy.

And, yet, here we are with a large portion of American conservatives chomping at the bit for that very thing to happen.

Now, To Edit The First Three Chapters Of The Third Draft

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I continue to get positive feedback from people who have read the first scene of the novel.

S1-D13-_-Pang-_-mysterious-postcard-RCL-work-day-3Download

And after way too much tinkering on my part, I’ve finally managed to cobble together a stable first three chapters. Now, I have to go through an edit what I’ve written so it’s not embarrassingly bad. What I usually do at this point is go see my dad in the nursing home and read over what I’ve written.

This is both good and bad. It’s good because I force myself to clear up problems sooner rather than later. It’s bad because inevitably I find myself in a situation where I want to change everything. Hopefully this won’t happen again this time. Hopefully I can edit these first three chapters without wanting to totally rewrite everything and change the order of everything as well.

But, we’ll see.

Editing my copy before moving forward in the novel has really helped make the overall text much, much better. But it also sometimes causes me to feel rather burnt out. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels.

Hopefully it won’t happen this time. Things have — finally — stabilized to the point that I think I should be able to sprint pretty quick through the rest of the novel. And, yet, so much could go wrong. My teeth continue to give me problems. (This sucks so bad.) And there a number of known unknowns that could slow me down a great deal if they don’t break my way.

I’m very grateful for the rather idyllic writing situation I’ve been in the last few years. If things change, then, well, that was inevitable. But I’ve progressed far enough in the process of writing this novel that I will press forward, even if the context is different.

Living In Oblivion

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

While I know I have a lot of “potential” as the late Annie Shapiro once told me, in general, I’ve been living in oblivion for a very, very long time. I kind of flew too close to the sun in the 2006 – 2008 timeframe.

Vibe.
As such, I was kind of a mental prison of my own making for a long, long time. And embarrassing amount of time. But things have changed and I’m finally really focused on something that will — hopefully — let me live up to my potential: my first novel.

Occasionally with this blog’s Webstats, I see pings from places that make me scratch my head a little bit. Why would someone from — there — be looking at this blog of all things? I can never figure out if these mysterious people from exotic locales are interested my political ranting or my very public navel gazing about writing a novel.

It’s a mystery!

I fucking hate this test.

But just the idea that someone of note would give a shit about me — whatever the reason — is quite flattering. All are welcome, I suppose, as long as you’re not a fucking stalker. (Ugh.)

Anyway, it will be interesting to see if I wrap up this third draft of the novel when I hope to — which is no later than around April 1st. So very much could go wrong. Not only do I have lingering problems with my teeth, but the fact that Stieg Larsson died at 50 looms large in my mind.

Stieg Larsson

Being 50 at the moment makes me think about if I don’t wrap this novel up as quickly as possible that it will all be a lulz. I’m not writing A Confederacy of Dunces, after all — this is a modern pop novel that needs to hit shelves at some point in the near future, not 11 years after my death.

Hopefully, I won’t become so incapacitated from my teeth problems that I can’t continue to write as quickly as I have been the last few weeks.

I Fucking Hate Guns

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I really, really fucking hate guns. I’m a man of peace. A man of ideas. I hate conflict of any sort. I despise violence. And the idea that anyone would actually want to *own* a gun for any reason…boggles my mind.

I just sometimes shoot off at the mouth because I’m aghast at how everyone seems to be lulzing the return of Tyrant Trump. So, if you’re with the government and you’re reading this — I SWEAR YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

I’m a kook, yes, but I’m a very peaceful kook who just wants to finish my first novel.