by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
Americans like their modern presidents tall. And so I wanted to know how tall Ron DeSantis is — and I couldn’t find a straight answer. I finally found an answer, of sorts, on Twitter. But, even then, the answer was up in the air, with some people saying he’s 6’1″ and others saying he’s 5’9″.
Hmmm.
If he’s 5’9″, there’s no chance he’s going to become president unless he somehow manages to break the tradition — or he’s running against a woman who might be shorter. (The question of if modern TV audiences mind that a woman is probably going to be shorter than any male political opponent is still up in the air.)
But, I just don’t know. DeSantis is a very, very strong candidate because he hides his innate fascism behind a smoother image. Even if that image is boring as hell. He’s such a compelling “moderate” fascist candidate that I have one Traditionalist relative who is eager to vote for him “three times” given the chance.
Update — mystery solved?
Ugh.
Remember, by definition, to be a modern Republican in good standing is to be a fascist, moderate or otherwise. So, really, the only difference between Trump and DeSantis is if DeSantis becomes president, there’s a lot less chance that we’re going to have a civil war. DeSantis is so fucking smooth that he’ll strangle what’s left of American democracy in broad daylight with a shit eating grin on his face and no one will do anything about it.
Meanwhile, Trump is such an idiot that he could, unto himself, cause a civil war simply because he would gloat so much after winning, or stealing, the 2024 election. Blue States may leave the Union in late 2024, early 2025 out of spite towards Trump if he wins, if nothing else.
But we just can’t count DeSantis out yet. He may look like the old SNL sketch Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, but he’s primed and ready to be America’s first autocrat — but for ding-dong Trump standing in his way.
