by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
Much like another movie I fucked hated, Olivia Wilde’s Booksmart, I was somewhat shamed into seeing Everything Everywhere All at Once. I was expecting the second coming of Jesus H. Christ, given the reviews.
When I finally saw it, however, I fucking hated it. So, what happened?
Ok, let me explain. The first major problem with the movie was there was simply way, way, way, way, too fucking much going on. The movie did not know what it wanted to be. Was it a multiverse movie? Was it a movie about a mother’s love? Was it a kung-fu movie? Was it just another woke movie that had an excuse to have gay characters and butt plugs used in a gratuitous manner?
Somewhere in all the frenetic energy of this movie was a far, far better movie struggling to claw itself out. If they had focused on the A Mother’s Love element of the movie and leaned into how much this movie is like The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, then, yeah, I would have loved this movie.
But this movie was a mess. The only compliment I can give it is I didn’t walk out — which I did with Booksmart. I think maybe some of my white hot hatred of this movie comes from not being all that much a fan of kung-fu. There was all this running around and fighting that caused the plot to come to a screeching halt that left me rolling my eyes.
I fucking hated this movie.
It was too woke, too. There was no need for the daughter to be gay. It didn’t add anything to what was going on. The same story could have been done if she simply had a boyfriend the mother did not approve of. Give me some reason why the daughter needed to be gay, other than to check off a “woke” box.
I’m in a bad mood and I’m drunk. So feel a little bit more inclined to rant. Anyway, what really grates on my nerves is how fucking Blue Check Twitter liberals can shame us plebes into seeing movies that are so misguided as to be bad.
