Predictions Of The Near Future

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Here are some predictions made from things we know are true now and then projecting their logical conclusion into the future.

1. Kanye West As Jim Jones
   As some point in the near future, Kanye West is going to finally go completely bonkers in a destructive way. He already has all the elements of a cult leader and it makes sense that in the near future, he will finally jump into the void. So, the first step is he might establish some sort of compound for his followers. Then, next thing you know, a lot of people endup dead. A side prediction is things grow REALLY weird and Kanye slams into Qanon and, well, lulz.
   
2. Millie Bobby Brown — 14 going on 24
   I’m a fan of Miss Brown, but she’s only 14 or so now. She really, really wants to be an adult. On one level, it’s inspiring to young girls and on the other, it’s really fucking dark. I don’t know when it will actually happen or how, but Miss Brown is just a girl and she’s hanging out with a bunch of horny adults — to the point of getting a “producer” credit — and human nature being what it is, I fear a tragedy of some sort may occur. It may come out 20 years from now in a tell-all memoir, but it WILL come out. As Drew Barrymore can attest — Hollywood is a cruel mistress to young children and some pretty fucked up things are bound to happen involving Miss Brown. But, lulz, it’s not like I can do anything about it.
   
3. Trump “Wins” The 2020 Election
   This is an easy one. Trump is absolutely going to win, or maybe “not lose” is better, the 2020 Election. Don’t know the details, but all I know is come Jan 20th, 2021, he’s getting sworn in and that’s that. If that doesn’t happen, then there will be severe political violence in the United States, to the point that it’s marketed in the press as “the Second American Civil War.”
   
4. The United States Will Leave NATO, Allies With Russia
   Connected to the above prediction, the United States is going to leave NATO and form an alliance with Russia. As part of this, Trumplandia will make an aggressive move to pull out all of our troops from all over the globe. China will rise to superpower status and the United States will implode into little more than a mixture of a first world Venezuela mixed with Apartheid South Africa and Russia.
   
5. Constitutional Convention
   At some point in the near future, House Trump will codify Trumplandia and demand a Constitutional Convention. By this point, the press will have been purged and so, lulz, fuck you. A doublespeak “Second Bill of Rights” will be pushed through and Trump will be free to stay in office for the rest of his life. At some point, we’ll simply get used to a Trump being POTUS or Veep as a way of life. This will continue for about 40 years until the dead hand of demographics makes it untenable.
   
6. Qanon As American Khmer Rouge
   At some point in the near future, Qanon and MAGA will fuse so absolutely that even otherwise “normal” people will have Qanon talking points at the ready. This may lead to a House Trump actively encouraging Qanon people to murder liberals in cold blood. House Trump may not actively participate, but once the press is nothing but OANN, they can simply look on as crazed, bloodthirsty Qanon people attempt to empty the cities and fill American Killing Fields with the bodies of liberals. This is kind of extreme to suggest it might happen, but the conditions for it to happen definitely will be there soon enough.