‘(Not Going) Anywhere’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop-Rock Song

I really don’t have a beat to this one, but if I had to pick, it would be something like “Coming Of Age” by Damn Yankees that features the guitar stylings of one Ted Nugent. I just enjoy writing song lyrics and I’m trying to psych myself up to work on my novel or screenplay.

(Not Going) Anywhere
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

all Ted does is attack attack attack then
survivors of death and destruction
why is it so difficult for us not to understand
we’re not each other’s enemies but possible friends
Ted says they have no souls
but after what they’ve been through
I would suggest they have

old souls
not going anywhere
old souls
not going anywhere
old souls
not going anywhere!

they march on the capitol
going to change the world
what’s Ted done
but shit himself because he was afraid
we’re all waiting for you to make sense
why do you think you got it all Ted
to break through the wall
you have the gall to say they’ve got no soul
when we all know they’re

old souls
not going anywhere
old souls
not going anywhere
old souls
not going anywhere!

[bridge]
we all believe
that you’re a fool Ted
but we’re stuck with you
because the president’s a dick
who we wish would just leave

wish us luck
never again will our young people
have to duck and cover
when is this going to change
when will they have to stop being afraid
but we’re in luck
they’re

old souls
not going anywhere
old souls
not going anywhere
old souls
not going anywhere!

Why Trump Was Inevitable

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Let me state from the beginning that I don’t have all the political, psychological, sociological and even historical insight that I need to properly tell all of this, but I am a more than casual observer of American presidential political history and so I’m going to give it a go.

Having said that, it is clear to me that Trump — or someone like Trump — was inevitable at this moment in our nation’s history. It is obvious to me that what caused Trump was that while we were all enjoying Obama’s pleasant, scandal-free administration the Right was going completely insane. Tribal politics and its associated hatred of Obama for being the nation’s first black president made it so it was inevitable that we were going to have a completely bonkers Republican president at some point.

Add to this the headwinds of historic weakness of Hillary Clinton as a candidate and the election meddling of the Russians really the only way Trump would not have won was if he hadn’t run in the first place. But, really, if you looked at who was likely to get through the primary system at the time, it is highly unlikely that Jeb Bush was going to be the nominee. He was completely detached from the national Republican Party and everyone else who might have won was in some ways worse than Trump because no only were they insanely conservative, they were competent and had an ideology they were willing to defend to boot.

But Trump has his own unique set of bonkers qualities than make him extremely dangerous to the Republic. While he may be too lazy, unfocused and incompetent to be a true authoritarian, his complete lack of adherence to political norms may cause lasting damage to the American political landscape.

So, the issue is, there were and are structural problems with the Republican Party that the average person simply was unaware of unless they happened to catch FOX News one night. When about half the political electorate lives in an insane bubble of surreal conspiracy theories and race-induced rage, it’s inevitable that once they get their opportunity to run the country we’re in for a whole lot of trouble.

The truly tragic thing about all of this is there is no easy fix. The tectonic political, economic and demographic forces that led to the creation of the cancer that is the modern Republican Party aren’t going anywhere. It could be 20 to 30 years before things work themselves out and by the time they do the Republican Party will have turn our once independent judiciary into a bastion of Right wing nutjob hacks whose entire reason for being on the bench is to give old, wealthy white people as much power as possible.

What’s more, there’s a real chance of a civil war. There’s a real risk that we’ve gone beyond the point of no return and we’re going to have an actual civil war in the United States within the next 20 years. I have no idea if it will actually happen or not, but it’s something to worry about.

It will definitely be interesting to see what happens.

‘Barren’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop-Rock Song

Just being silly. Someone on Twitter wrote what I felt sounded like decent lyrics, so you get this.

Barren
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

Stormy just does not give a single fuck
her field of fucks is barren and the earth has been salted
she has spanked a president
what more can you expect from her
she’s ready to take him down
if we’re lucky she will I believe

her field of fuck is barren
and the earth has been salted

she’s Stormy Daniels
she’s Stormy Daniels
she’s Stormy Daniels

we’re all going to have to wait and see
what happens with her case against the president
we may see the leader of the free world
gone like so much dust
if Stormy gets her way

her field of fuck is barren
and the earth has been salted

she’s Stormy Daniels
she’s Stormy Daniels
she’s Stormy Daniels

[bridge]
we’re waiting for the end
waiting for the end of this nightmare
what happens next
is anyone’s guess
our fate is in Stormy Daniel’s hands

life was once so simple
but now it’s changed
we have a porn star as a folk here
what once made us blush
is now just a part of life
I guess

Gawker, An Appreciation, Redux

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

It’s times like these when I wish Gawker still existed. Gawker was felled, as you may recall, by its sheer hubris. It did not take very seriously a lawsuit funded by Peter Thiel. As the lawsuit progressed, Nick Denton, Gawker’s founder and publisher, couldn’t or wouldn’t realize struck at the very heart of his publication.

But the issue for me is that Gawker is sorely needed right now in this era of Trumplandia. I have romanticized Gawker’s golden age a great deal, but I still would like to think that if golden age Gawker would alive in this surreal age that we live in that the pee-pee tape would probably be on FOX News by this point.

The old Gawker really had a lot of spunk. You got the sense that you were hanging out with a really smart old friend who had seen all, done all and always had a smartass answer to the even the most jaded of events.

And, yet, over the years Gawker lost its way. It didn’t seem to have the spunk that it had when it first came out. It became less a really cool friend with something to say and more of an angry person drunk of success and arrogance.

The only thing is, Gawker was a one-stop-shop for the kind of content I was interesting reading. I can honestly say that since Gawker’s untimely demise, I don’t read any Websites except for Twitter and Facebook. What’s worse, it’s unlikely that any site will take Gawker’s place. The age of blogs is long dead and it’s highly unlikely you could start a new Gawker-like blog. The web universe is simply too large now and the money isn’t there anymore.

So, we’re just going to have to deal with the toxic waste of Twitter I guess. But for those of us who remember Gawker, we will have fond memories if nothing else.

‘You Remind Me Of My Daughter’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Dance Pop Song

Now, I know that typically songs like this start with beats then go from there, but I enjoy telling stories in verse so you get this. It’s just for fun. It’s relaxing.

You Remind Me of My Daughter
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

you remind me of my daughter
you remind me of my daughter
you remind me of my daughter

you’re my kind of girl
I’ll never lie to you
lure you to my bedroom
we can watch shark week
you’ll be on my show
I’ll make you a star
after we go far, far, far

you remind me of my daughter
you remind me of my daughter
you remind me of my daughter

no know has to know
that you’re going to the show
because of what we do between the sheets
you can spank me all you like
I’ll be your little boy with a hiss
when people ask what we have together
I’ll just say with a smile

you remind me of my daughter
you remind me of my daughter
you remind me of my daughter

[bridge]
no one will understand
why you make me so glad
all the other girls will be envious
because they know I like it rough

you remind me of my daughter
you remind me of my daughter
you remind me of my daughter

‘Collusion Delusion’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop-Rock Song

The Russian bots are out in force today, trying to give our insane American Caligula some messaging via Twitter. I have nothing better to do at this point in the morning, so here is a first draft of an attempt to talk about this in verse. I just like writing song lyrics for no other reason than it’s relaxing.

Collusion Delusion
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

the Russian bots are out in force
they want the president to be a fool
in it to win it
they’re out to break our liberty
what are we going to do when they win
we have to be sure they fail
it’s our lot to shake free
they scream collusion delusion
when we know it’s they who’s crazy

collusion delusion
collusion delusion
collusion delusion
it’s bullshit

when will this all end
how are we going to fair
when our democracy is declared at an end
we have to fight the good fight, my friend
lend me your ears
hear as I shout
dare to dream a future of freedom
when the Russians are gone
and we can sing our own song

don’t listen to them when they say
collusion delusion
collusion delusion
collusion delusion
it’s all a sham
is what I say

[bridge]
what are we going to do
what are we going to say
when the Russians arrive on our shores
ready to go once more

so ignore what they say
we’re going to have our day
at least, that’s what I say
there’s no collusion delusion
I scream
hoping someone will hear in the void

collusion delusion
is bullshit
collusion delusion
what a farce

Jon Stewart Would Be An Ideal Presidential Candidate At This Point

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

This is just an idle daydream, but it seems to me that the ideal person to run against Donald Trump in 2020, should last that long, would be Jon Stewart. I say this because Stewart is everything Trump isn’t — funny, smart and self-aware.

Of course, Stewart, at least at this point, has zero political experience outside of his interest in 9/11 first responder rights and a little bit about veterans affairs. And, of course, there is the obvious issue that he appears to have zero interest in actually doing anything beyond running his petting zoo.

But the match up between Trump and Stewart would be one for the ages. And regardless, I think we would need someone like Stewart to take down Trump. Yet I honestly don’t know. The nation is so divided at this point that there’s no perfect person to do the job.

Trump is so powerful with 40% of the electorate and the economy is doing so well that it will be a difficult fight no matter what. Add to this the continuing struggle that The Resistance has with trying to find some sort of messaging beyond simply being against Trump and you have the makings of a pretty bad situation.

This doesn’t begin to address the issue of what happens if Trump wags the dog using Iran or the DPRk.

We’re going to have to just wait and see, I guess.

V-Log: An Anti-Trump Rant #Resist

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I got upset a little bit and did an lengthy anti-Trump rant.

‘Look My Way’ — Lyrics To A Pop Rock Ballad

I’m pining for a woman who I like but she doesn’t seem in the least bit interested. You know, the usual.

Look My Way
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

all I need all I want
is your time
a little bit of your time
and for you babe
to look my way, look my way
I don’t want to whine
I just want your time
I just want your time
I just want your time

you’re so kind
but I can’t figure you out
what is in your mind
why are you torn up inside
I wish you’d look my way
so I could sway to be my babe

I don’t want to whine
I just want your time
I just want your time
I just want your time

[bridge]
please be mine
let me hear you near me
give me a smile
and maybe let me
touch your thigh

but you’re going to walk away
leaving me only with fears that stay
’cause you won’t give me any of your time
just a moment of it
would be sublime
would be sublime
would be sublime

I just want your time
I just want your time
I just want your time

My Current Take On The #TrumpRussia Endgame

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

As of late March 2018, here’s my hot take on the endgame to #TrumpRussia.

It seems to me that what is going to happen is it will be a combination of Iran-Contra and the Monica Lewinsky scandals. Trump could very well be impeached, but he won’t be convicted and ultimately he not only survives but prospers as he grows more accustomed to the office of president.

What’s more, I still predict a major war against the DPRK (and maybe Iran) between now and August 2018. I say this for two reasons. One, Trump needs a Wag The Dog situation to get people talking about something else. Meanwhile, he wants to squash any chance of a Blue Wave happening this fall.