Tag: Tay-Tay

Millie Bobby Brown & The Creation of Reality

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I used to read the old Gawker religiously and they were always exposing the true marketing origins of viral moments. So, let’s break down why it’s highly likely that Millie Bobby Brown being photographed in pretty much standard issue bikinis were all part of a plan to transition her into adult roles.

Millie Bobby Brown

Before I begin, I would like to note that another person — Taylor Swift — got snapped in a bikini with her boyfriend but the pictures were taken from far away and grainy. Almost as if…Tay-Tay didn’t want the pictures taken.

Ok, Ms. Brown has just turned 18 in February and she’s in this weird era in her career where to date the audience has seen her as a “kid in danger” on Stranger Things. So, Ms. Brown has two routes to shake things up and remind the audience that she’s not a child anymore — run around with no clothes on in a rather shocking manner — the Miley Cyrus Option, if you will, or do what she did “accidently on purpose” get snapped in “a bikini.”

She’s a public figure — just to go outside in just a standard issue bikini probably involved a “team” meeting unto itself. Or not, she may have just had a brief chat with her folks. Anyway, no way she would go on a boat with her boyfriend so close to shore that it was easy to get clear shots of her without her thinking way in advance that this very thing would happen.

The only reason why I mention any of this again is I got a surprising number of pings from exotic locals (probably entertainment people on vacation) and this whole thing taps into my personal annoyance with how much of what we call “reality” is actually constructed. Or, if not constructed, at least “managed.”

And I’m not suggesting anything too sinister. And I know all about how MAGA New Right people are always flipping out about the “media narrative.” Anyway, the point is — a lot of the modern world is managed by PR people who know that most people don’t have the time to think through where a viral moment may have really come from.

I’m Impressed With Millie Bobby Brown’s Personal Brand Management

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I don’t think I’m being too jaded to point out that all these pictures we’re seeing of Millie Bobby Brown on vacation in rather modest bikinis is part of her soft transition to adult hood. Unlike many young starlets who freaked the fuck out once they were 18, she’s figured out a way to change people’s perception of her while simply wearing bikinis.

Millie Bobby Brown

She must have known the paps would take pictures of her and, as such, she wore the bikinis she wore simply to get adults to think of her as, well, an adult. Now that everyone has seen her in a bikini, casting directors are probably going to be a lot more open to putting her in more mature roles.

Which, of course, makes me think of Taylor Swift and how she HASN’T managed herself as well. While she’s occasionally wore more provocative clothing, Tay-Tay showing some T&A for a movie role would make her fanbase melt down into hysterics. Even though both she and they are no longer children anymore. Hollywood is an industry and, as such, if Tay-Tay wants bigger mainstream roles, she might have to – gasp — show a little bit more skin than her fanbase is accustomed to seeing.

But back to Ms. Brown.

She has excellent management, is all I gotta say. She’s always worn more adult clothing — sometimes to the point that I have found myself cringing — and now she’s very much in the position to become just another big name Hollywood star without going through that weird transitional phase that has haunted other young starlets.

So THAT Is What Taylor Swift’s ‘All Too Well’ Is About?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ok, so what I suspected is apparently true — the reason why Taylor Swift is so worked up TO THIS DAY about her relationship to Jake Gyllenhaal is he punched her v-card.

Ugh.

So, I suppose, the whole issue with the “scarf” is really her talking about how he took her innocence? Is that what the fuck she’s complaining about? So, just from a brief glance what may have happened via a very lazy Google search — Tay-Tay wanted to keep her virginity until marriage and she was so smitten with Gyllenhaal that she gave it up after three months.

The thing about stories like this is you can never figure out how much of it is image management and how much of it is true. Swift has so much potential to be a really great pop star…and yet she is so wrapped up in fan service when it comes to her music that she continues to produce just…meh…music.

And, I get it. All her fans are woke and they publicly rant about how much they hate men then turn around and date the biggest fucking assholes they can get their hands on. So, they see Tay-Tay as a vessel for that idologiy. If only evil Jake Gyllenhaal had kept it penis to himself, then Tay-Tay could have kept her v-card and maybe even never had heterosexual sex and live happily ever after with Karli Kloss like she was meant to be.

Jesus Christ.

What I think really happen — as a CIS white male who should never say anything about anything — is was fucking inevitable that Tay-Tay was going to have sex and some of her complaining in “All Too Well” is kind of like her version of Meatloaf’s “Paradise by The Dashboard Light.”

Swift is very sensitive and awkward and she struggles with what it means to be a woman who’s had sex and so she writes 10 minute songs about it.

‘Unwanted Hugs’ #lyrics to a #pop #rock #ballad

I’m really proud of this one.

Unwanted Hugs
lyrics by @sheltgarner
please give credit if you produce or perform

the break up was a year ago
we’re no longer a thing
in the end it was all a game
but what can I say I still
look forward to seeing you and the
unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs

if it wasn’t for unwanted hugs
what would we have
if it was’t for unwanted hugs
our relationship would be dead

here come close
close enough to smell
I need one of those
unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs

people claim we made a cute couple
maybe we did I don’t know
but all I know is how you feel
when I go in for one of those
unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs

if it wasn’t for unwanted hugs
what would we have
if it was’t for unwanted hugs
our relationship would be dead

here come close
close enough to smell
I need one of those
unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs

(bridge)
when the hugs were wanted
and things were going well
things were just so swell
but that was a long, long time ago
now all I’ve got are

unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs
unwanted hugs