Now, let me be clear — I’m notorious for taking a little bit of information and running with it. But there is, at least, a scenario whereby Saturday Night Live uses the “hook” of how fucking cold it was in Iowa for the caucuses to have a sketch with Unfrozen Caveman Governor Ron DeSantis.
Makes sense to me, at least. I don’t quite know what I would do if something I predicted actually happened for once. I might faint from excitement and joy.
But I’m really, really grasping at straws on this one. I’m know to make shit up. I suppose only time will tell, huh.
I would get a woman cast member to play “Tiny-D” in caveman make up, given how short he is, relative to how tall he should be to run for POTUS.
All I can say is, it definitely seems as though we’re careening towards a very, very dark future. As I keep saying, they say you go bankrupt gradually, then all at once and it definitely SEEMS as though in late 2024, early 2025, we’re going to reach the “all at once” part of that particular rule of thumb.
It’s just all very sad. All great empires must come to an end and so, lulz, either America somehow manages to punt our problems down the road or there’s some sort of Black Swan event that saves us — otherwise, yikes, we’re going to implode.
We’re going to turn into an America First autocracy and the post-WW2 liberal world order is going to collapse. Then, oh Lort. Only the good Lawd knows what will happen then.
It just seems very possible that the next few years could be very, very bumpy in ways that we simply can’t predict or control. Trump is a one-person chaos agent and, as such, pretty much no matter what, he is going to put us to the test.
With 2022 zooming towards its end, I find myself thinking about the future and wanting to make some long-term predictions. These are fast and loose, decided upon by simply using existing macrotrends.
A New World Order In the immediate future, the biggest thing for us to see coming is the existential choice in the United States of autocracy or civil war. Pretty much at any point from now until, maybe spring 2025, the United States might collapse into civil war directly or indirectly because of Trump. But, more likely, we’re just going to slip into autocracy and that will be that. Either way, the liberal order that has kept Pax Americana together is going to finally collapse and something new is going to take its place. What that is, I don’t know. But what’s going on in the United States right now can’t keep going. Something’s gotta give. We’re just too unstable and too divided. Whatever happens, we’re probably going to have something akin to WW3 in the process, with several regional wars happening at the same time because the United States will either be out of commission or now aligned with fellow autocracies.
A Return To Physical Media This is may seem rather mundane, but I think it’s possible that given how streaming services are removing a lot of titles for economic reasons, that we may see a renewed interest in DVDs, just as vinyl has become very popular in recent years.
Hard AI & Robotics This sounds like scifi, but it definitely seems like there’s a chance that sooner rather than later, advancements in AI will be combined with advancements in robotics and there will be a rather severe change in the lives of everyday people. It could be just as huge as the Internet. The reason why I say this is, a lot of menial tasks — some of them more complex than you might think — may be replaced by androids. I mean, what would be more jarring, more an example of future shock than walking into a fast food place and your order is taken and prepared not by a human, but a humanoid robot? The labor shortage would be solved, but then, of course there would also be a huge amount of unemployment, which might cause its own problems. I have no idea when this might happen, but maybe within the next 10 years?
The Rise of Environmental Terrorism As it becomes more and more obvious that global climate change is real, I think the next type of terrorism we’re going to face will be environmental in nature. One such terrorist group exists already, I think, and it’s only going to get worse. The nightmare scenario is, of course, a 12 Monkeys-type situation where they release a virus in an effort to significantly reduce the human population and put humanity back “in tune” with nature.
The Rise of Neo-Luddites This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot. It seems as though the conditions are ripe for the Far Left and the Far Right, for economic reasons, to fuse together into a Neo-Luddite movement. This would upend everything as the world would be more about who embraced things like our new robot overlords and who didn’t.
Soft First Contact It is almost inevitable that the James Webb Space Telescope is going to discover evidence of extraterrestrial life at some point in the near, near future. While this will freak out the UFO community and a bunch of space nerds, I think the general public will lulz it. But we will, at last, know that we are not alone in the universe.
Wild card: Digital Telepathy I still think it’s possible that we may learn at some point in the future that Big Tech has figured out a way to read our minds and they’re hiding it from us. Either this will be a huge scandal and, like most things like this, it will be huge news for a few days then the average person will shrug and move along with their lives.
Biden Will Be Impeached The moment the House flips, Biden will be impeached over simply being Biden. That’s an absolute at this point.
Kamala Harris Will Face Pressure To Use The 25th Amendment As we grow accustomed to the Biden Era, Biden will set the tone of his era, just like Trump did. And, as such, we’re going to notice that he IS a little bit senile. The FOX News bullshit echo chamber will latch on to this, and turn it into a regular Benghazi 2.
President Harris? I have high hopes for Biden, but he’s old as hell. I wish him a long life and eight years in office, but he IS 78. So, somehow, some way, I just don’t see him lasting through his first term. I hope I’m wrong. I usually am. Harris will be a great president that will really shake things up — and, as such, get her into a huge amount of political trouble.
A Jarring Transition We’re just not prepared for the Biden Era. It’s going to be a bumpy first few days and weeks after Biden is sworn in. We’re just not going to know what to do.
The Trump Deep State One of the biggest problems for Biden will be The Trump Deep State. All those MAGA hacks now “burrowed” into the Federal government are going to come after Biden and his policies in a big way. By July, that could be what we’re all talking about.
Runaway Jury? If Trump doesn’t play his cards right, his second impeachment trial in the Senate may serve the purpose of a Trump Era Truth and Reconciliation Commission in the sense that before we know it, folks like John Bolton and Don McGahn will be testifying at it in a new political Trial of The Century. The whole thing will drag out as each side throws more and more firepower at the issue.
I am just the right age to remember how Whitewater turned into Paula Jones which turned into The Blue Dress which turned into Bill Clinton being impeached. At the center that clusterfuck was Ken Starr.
So, now that our dipshit ding-dong would-be autocrat Trump is on his way out and is looking for some asshole to look into Hunter Biden, the perfect person for the job is Ken Starr.
By picking Starr, Trump would get exactly what he wants — a showboat who would root around any and everywhere possible to destroy the Biden Administration. Mysteriously, Starr will wrap up his investigation just as the 2022 mid-terms are hitting their silly season.
Starr implicates Biden himself in some way, Republicans win the House then impeach President Biden within moments of the new House being sworn in. It doesn’t matter what happens next — MAGA will have, ex post facto, proven a point: every president gets impeached in the modern era, so lulz, what Trump did was no big deal.
Then someone like Tom Cotton or Mike Pompeo — or Trump! — wins the nomination in 2024, becomes president, goads Blue States to leave the Union and the very civil war that MAGA-Qanon-Patriot Party cocksucker shitheads want so bad NOW, will finally happen.
But, remember, my predictions are almost always wrong.
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