Tag: Playboy

Man, Dua Lipa Is Rather Chaste Compared To Madonna

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m old enough to remember how Madonna ran around quite naked in the late 1980s, early 1990s. It’s rather startling that someone like Dua Lipa — who clearly might be willing to nude for Playboy if it was still culturally relevant — is content with just the occasional spicy snap or faux nudity of a music video.

Its the rise of not just online porn but specifically OnlyFans that makes you realize what a brave new world we live in. Playboy is now a long-forgotten cultural backwater, a legacy brand. Meanwhile, mainstream culture in general has grown not only “woke” but rather chaste.

Of note — the moment MAGA Republicans have power again, they’re probably going to effectively ban online porn. It’s possible that soon enough that because of that specific act that Playboy may again have mass media appeal. I can’t predict the future, but such a thing is definitely one of those unexpected consequences of major policy changes.

I say all of this knowing how fucking dark the Playboy empire was in the shadows. But I do have an appreciation of the (romanticized) Playboy ethos. It would be so cool to bring back something like Playboy After Hours. That was the epitome of cool.

There Was Something To Be Said For The Era When Playboy Had Cultural Relevance

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of the subtle differences between my dissipated youth and the modern era where I’m an old fart is how prudish society has become. This has happened at the same time that online porn has made sexxy pictures far more easier to access than ever before.

In short, the modern world is awash in porn.

It seems as though the social function that, say, Playboy, once served is now being filling by either OnlyFans or high end magazines like Treats! I’m extremely interested in subscribing to Treats! but for the fact that if anyone in my family were to discover any copies they would think I was some sort of freak.

Treats! has exceptional beauties in it and I really love their models, but, lulz, my life just isn’t at a place where I can have any hard copies floating around.

Anyway.

It definitely seems as though as part of Britney Spears’ continued descent into madness that maybe she should…start an OnlyFans? If Playboy was still a thing, she would have already posed nude for them. But I think for some deep psychological reasons that she would be well served by starting an OnlyFans. I think she would feel it was cathartic.

Or something.

She’s got some real issues.

Watch Me Be An Old: A Hot Take On Sara Underwood & Playboy

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m finally reaching the age where I have some perspective on the ebb and flow of history and, more specifically, pop culture. Way back when, when dinosaurs ruled the earth I remember being a big fan of the Playboy aesthetic.

E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo) 2011 – at the Los Angeles Convention Center, Los Angeles, CA, USA

Yes, I’m well aware of that that says about me now in this “woke” era, but there was a moment in time around 30 years ago when Playboy was, in fact, cool. Even earlier, in the late 60s and early 70s, there was the Playboy Afterhours Show which was really, really cool.

The point of this is, there was once an era where if you were a smoking hot babe in Middle America without the money to go to college, that you could hitch a ride to Chicago or, later, LA, and maybe figure out a way to get yourself within the pages of Playboy. And, if that was still the case, Emily Ratajkowski would probably be a modern day Pamela Anderson — if she went blonde, of course.

I am fucking well aware of the extremely dark elements of all of this and that I’m romanticizing some pretty shitty things done at the hands of Hugh Hefner. But, when I was a young man, that was all we knew about, was the gauzy, stylized Playboy esthetic.

A more recent picture of Ms. Underwood.

One gorgeous young woman who was able to use Playboy to get what she wanted is Sara Underwood. The interesting thing about Ms. Underwood is she was always hot, but it wasn’t until much later that she got hot, hot. Like stunner hot.

She’s gotten a huge amount of work done, to great effect. And, from what I can tell, she’s pretty much living a normal life in…a tiny house? But, I will note, that she was in a fast food commercial once with none other than another dime piece, Emily Ratajkowski.

Anyway, it’s interesting to me that the otherwise stunning Ms. Underwood doesn’t have a bigger media footprint.

Oh well. I’m old.

Playboy, Call Britney Spears Already


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I really feel for Britney Spears. She’s obviously got continuing mental problems and she needs our compassion. She’s pregnant now and I wish her the best. But there is one thing going on that needs to be addressed — Britney Spears apparently desperately wants to be in a nude spread somewhere.

She keeps posting near-nude images of herself on Instagram.

Playboy, call this woman.

I’m old enough to remember how there was, at one point, a time in Playboy’s existence when it was the go-to publication for older women to get naked pictures of them taken.

Obviously Playboy has lost its cultural relevance, but for the sake of Britney Spears sanity, maybe they should reach out to her and give her the venue she craves for a nude spread.

Anyway. Go girl. I will note, in closing that I wish Spears would switch up her image some. Go brunette. Change her make up some. She’s a beautiful woman, but she seems to be clinging to her teenage dream image long after that isn’t relevant.

I say that not as a sexist, but as a novice image consultant. Other pop stars change their public persona at an alarming rate, Spears hasn’t gone through any similar transformation in the entity of her 20 year career.

V-log: Some Thoughts on Hugh Hefner, Playboy & The Protagonist Of The #Novel I’m #Writing

Some thoughts.

V-Log: The FOTUS Affair (Theory) & Citadel Playboy

by Shelton bumgarner
@bumgarls

I wonder what would happen if someone from a major media organization asked Cooper Hefner what Playboy Enterprises knew about the FOTUS Affair theory. Would he stonewall or would he fold like France in 1940. That’s a very interesting question.

My gut tells me he’d fold.

He has every reason to help someone from another media company find out the truth of the matter. In this video I talk at great length about all of this. It’s pretty good.

Waiting For Peter K. Stris Comment & Playboy’s Community As Source Material

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

The point of me continuing to talk about this is I just want to know one way or another what happened. I want closure. If Elliot Broidy is Bechard’s babydaddy, then I can go back to working on my novel. I just hate this not knowing. I hate the cognitive dissidence of it obviously being Trump on the face of it, and yet there being, like, zero datapoints for it being either Trump or Broidy.

It’s really frustrating.

I would be, at this point, content with a blanket denial from Bechard’s lawyer Peter K. Stris. Just tell me she didn’t bang Trump, doesn’t even know him and I’ll be content. Then we’d have the official statement.

Meanwhile, if I had the resources, I will fly to LA and try to ingratiate myself into the Playboy Bunny community. If I worked for The New York Times I will, like, call Cooper Hefner up directly say, “Bruh, what do you know?” I think if there’s any there there — which there may not be — we could guilt Playboy into fessing up. They have a huge vested interest in being the good guy in this imbroglio. Think of the sudden relevance and positive buzz they would get if they helped bring down Trump — or at least gave him a nasty political bruise? I would be shocked if their corporate self-interests would trump them helping The Resistance. If they did help in any cover up that would be seriously uncool, Playboy.

I guess what I’m saying is if you want to know the truth of this imbroglio, figure out a way to crack the Playboy Bunny community nut. Think of who we’re dealing with. Gorgeous, catty, gossipy young women who share everything and see themselves in a sorority. I would be completely flabbergasted if Bechard had not confided in one of them about who she was seeing, be it Broidy or Trump.

Anyway. I guess I hope we could shame Playboy into confessing whatever they know.

But simply don’t know. It could go either way at this point. It really could.

Talk To Me Internet: Some Thoughts On Hugh Hefner’s Complicated Legacy

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

This one is pretty good. Enjoy

Some Idle Musing On Playboy Upon The Death Of Hugh Hefner

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

While he wasn’t perfect, Hugh Hefner was a personal hero of mine and influenced me in ways large and small. My personal politics are pretty much the editorial page of Playboy in about 1976. Anyway, with his death, Playboy is at a crossroads. I have a little time on my hands and so I’m going idly muse on my personal vision for the great publication that he founded. I have written about most, if not all, of this before but I feel like talking about it again now that Hefner is dead.

If I had any control over Playboy, I would try to bring back its coolness factor from the ’50 and ’60s. I would bring back the old Playboy TV show, maybe in partnership with YouTube or NetFlix and restore the brand to its glory days. I think there is a huge market for that old school cool and if they did a regular show that featured cool people talking about cool stuff and great bands, then people would respond.

Additionally, I would re-imagine the Playboy ideal. As it stands, for decades, the Playboy man has supposed to covet the attention of the “girl next door” who was hot and surprisingly easy given her ostensible persona. I would do something cool like obsess over Ilana Glazer and make her the “mascot” of the publication. She’s not your traditional beauty, but she’s very sex-positive and she would fit perfectly with the modern concept of the type of woman the Playboy man is supposed to lust after.

All of this would be in the context of trying to turn Playboy.com into the second coming of Gawker.com. If Playboy wants to be relevant again, it needs to flip the script, shake things up a little bit — or maybe a lot — and get people talking about it again. And the best way to do that would be to hire a lot of former Gawker writers and get them to rile up the elites with thought provoking commentary. That’s the thing about Playboy right now — it just doesn’t really generate all that much buzz like it used to. It’s a “legacy brand” as they say, and as such it’s more something a middle-aged man like me likes as opposed to the 20 somethings whose attention advertisers long for.

I would also suggest that — in conjunction with Ilana Glazer — the publication go into video in a big way by maybe having Glazer be a roving reporter for them in little shorts. She’s probably really busy right now and it might cost a bit more than expected to get her to do it, but the cost would be worth it. She would bring instant buzz and street cred back to Playboy in a big way. I know I talk a lot about Glazer sometimes, but she’s a personal favorite and I enjoy thinking up new and different ways to exploit her great personality.

Anyway, thanks for the memories, Hef.

Some Things The Resistance Needs

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

As I keep saying, I’m hard at work on a novel about this bizarre era we live in, so I kind of have all of this on the brain right now. Here are two things I’ve mentioned before that The Resistance needs that I will review.

1. A Gawker-Like Website
The Resistance needs a Gawker-Like — or Spy Magazine — for this era. We need a go-to site for woke commentary in blog form about what’s going on in this era. Trump isn’t going anywhere and the sooner we understand that, the better. It seem as though some people think they shouldn’t start anything that would help The Resistance because they think Trump is going to resign or be impeached sometime soon. That just isn’t going to happen. I have suggested Playboy could be the media organization that would most benefit from such a thing, but it doesn’t seem they’re going to pay me any attention or even know that I’m talking about it.

2. A Twitter Killer
We need a better mousetrap. Twitter is great in some ways, but a real pain in the but Trump became president, in part, because of his use of Twitter. All of this is insane. We need something that uses the concepts of the old Usenet from 20 years ago in a modern way. At least I thin we do.

Anyway, no one cares. No one is listening to me. We’re going to just suffer as the Trump era grinds on and nothing changes, except for the worst.