“You’re a delusional jerk with a good heart,” the late Annie Shapiro about me, circa 2007.
by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
Oh, Jesus. One thing that really annoys me is when people won’t give me the benefit of the doubt and assume the absolute worst about me and my intentions. I’m WELL AWARE that I can across as an Internet crank to people who are paying attention. The worst thing ever said about me (above), however, was by the late Annie Shapiro while we were emotionally at war over the late, great ROKon Magazine in Seoul.
Annie called me, essentially, an asshole, when I was extremely unhappy with her for bringing back the magazine we started behind my back. It was probably one of the worst experiences in my life, seeing my “baby” back in print without me being involved. I was, on an emotional level, so kneecapped that I didn’t really have any motivation to do anything for ten years.
But, just in the last few weeks, something has changed. I feel the pressure of a milestone birthday looming on the horizon and I want to do something interesting with my life again. This are finally going well with these four novels I’m working on and I feel as though finally, after much trial and error I’ve figured out what my second tract will be — fashion photography.
I’ve always been a late bloomer, why change now?
I totally understand if you’re someone who’s been paying attention to my ranting online over the years and you think I’m nothing more than yet another deranged Internet crank. First, I think you’re full of shit and second you’re totally oblivious to what happened in Seoul.
In fact, I would go so far as to say now that I have both motivation and ambition, there’s a pretty good chance that I may re-create the situation I had in Seoul at my height where I “famous” for more than one thing. In that case, I was an expat pop-rock DJ AND the publisher of the monthly English magazine in the city. So, lulz and fuck you. (Wink.)
It’d kind of wild it’s taken me THIS long to make fashion photography my second creative “track.” I thought it was going to be screenwriting — I went so far as to buy Final Draft — but something weird began to happen recently. For some reason, I was really hyper-sensitive to any reference to professional photography that happened around me.
Things came to a tipping point where I realized that like being a pop-rock DJ, I am a good enough photographer on an organic basis that I probably could do it professionally with the right equipment and some study. So, here we are.
Now, I’m just waiting to save up the funds to buy a REALLY GOOD Nikon camera so I can begin to work my way towards breaking into the fashion photography business. I’m being rather — even extremely — delusional to think I can pull such a think off, but it’s better than just lying in bed and staring into space.
Hope is what keeps us alive.
As I grow older, I really appricate that life is precious. We’re given a limited amount of time on earth and it’s our responsibility to use what native talents we have to the absolute best of our ability.
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