Tag: I Fucking Hate The Bechdel Test

‘User Error’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Now that it’s clear that *I* am the problem going forward if anyone should do due diligence on me when I query the novel I’m working on, let’s go through what might be problematic.

Mood

My Comments About Transgender People
I will occasionally write something on this blog about how if I was a “twenty something undocumented transgendered woman” then selling my novel would be easier. I can see why such a quip might alarm some people who are easily “triggered” by statement that doesn’t fix the orthodox that has developed around trans people. What bothers me is that I am not being serious when I say this. I’m just pointing out the obvious — as one would-be reader of my novel (who promptly ghosted me) said, “The demographics aren’t on my side.” I’m not picking on trans people by my observation, just being realistic. And, I think, the bigger issue is that I even bring up this fact of life — even if it’s meant in jest.

My Comments on “Liberal White Women”
Another running gag on this blog is the idea that my novel will offend “liberal white women” and, as such, I’m screwed. I honestly don’t know one way or another what this mythical demographic will think. I just occasionally find myself full of angst over the part-time sex worker nature of my heroine and as part of that angst, I mention liberal white women. Just like with my comments on trans people, it’s more a testament to my sense of humor than it is me picking on the group. But we live in a humorless age without any sense of nuance, so I guess I have only myself to blame.

My Political Ranting
My politics generally fit within the center-Left “media narrative,” but I guess it’s possible that some of my edgier hot takes might alarm some people. You can never tell these days. People are just to touchy about any and everything that it could be that some people doing due diligence on me would think my political rantings are just yet another sign of what a fucking crank I am.

My Angst Over The “Woke Cancel Culture Mob”
If someone gets upset over this, then, I dunno what to say. My ranting about what I fear the “woke cancel culture mob” MIGHT think about my novel is just me being my usual angst-ridden self. And, I can see how if you were a “liberal white woman” with a clear set of goals for a story that me ranting about how much I fucking hate the Bechdel Test might be a serious turn off to the point you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.

The Part-Time Sex Worker Angle Of My Novel
This is a tough one. I find myself vacillating wildly between being overcome with self-doubt about this element of my heroine and thinking it’s pretty cool. It’s an interesting way to have built-in conflict for my heroine and helps with character development. And, yet, by definition, doing such a thing at all as a smelly middle-aged CIS white male is loaded and provocative to the tender sensibilities of some “liberal white women” who might be, in general, members of the mythical “woke cancel culture mob.” (wink.) I will note that I was doing some some editing today and re-reading the novel gave me renewed hope that maybe I’ve stumbled across a really interesting story.

Miscellaneous Kookiness On My Part
This is difficult because it’s not something I can pin down. There’s a chance that someone with, like, a career and reputation could read this blog and just blanch. They just wouldn’t like the vibe I give off. Add to this how much I retweet pictures of hot chicks on Twitter and…oh boy…I could totally see some “normal” person being turned off by…ME.

Maybe I’ll Be A Published Author After I Die

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Maybe once I shuffle off this mortal coil, people will judge my work on its merits and not on what a kook I am on a personal basis. I can just see me having a completed novel or two done it’s only after I’m dead that they get published.

My only consolation is that all of this is existential. I want to prove a point — that I can write a novel that someone, somewhere likes enough that they read the entire thing. I’m well aware of how delusional I am about all of this.

It’s clear to me now that once I leave my bubble of delusion and try to query this novel I’m come up with that I’m probably going to fail in a stunning, catastrophic manner for a number of reasons. Everything from me, personally, being a kook to how I’ve on occasion teased liberal white women in this blog could be my downfall.

Add to all of this the fact that my novel involves a heroine who is a part-time stripper during the course of the story and…oh boy.

But, fuck it, every problem is just an opportunity in disguise. As long as I understand what I’m getting myself into, let’s rock ‘n roll. Even if I deleted this blog, the Internet is forever and it’s inevitable that the very things I’m concerned about people reading would be the very thing that everyone would jump on me for down the road.

So, lulz, all I can do is manage my expectations — and actually spend some time on my backup scifi novel.

I Continue To Develop & Write This Novel In A Vacuum

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

There is a lot I just don’t know as I careening towards wrapping up the alpha release of the third draft of my first novel. I don’t quite know what I’m going to “comp” this novel to because it’s not a traditional murder-mystery thriller.

I hope to write a heroine as intriguing as Lisbeth Salander.

But there are also some more nuts-and-bolts things I don’t know.

Are my chapters too long? One of my quasi-beta readers complained that my that was the case. He wanted the chapters to convey less information. I have spent a lot — A LOT — of time figuring out when my chapters end and begin and the idea that that would be thrown is….oh boy.

Meanwhile, I just don’t know what women will think of a smelly CIS white male writing a tale about a part-time stripper obsessed with owning a community newspaper. You could say that the story is sufficiently unique people will like the idea, while at the same time you could say that, by definition, women will hate the idea of a smelly CIS white male writing, well, anything from a female POV.

And I don’t care for the Bechdel Test….OH MY GOD.

I am completely clueless. What I don’t know, I guess, is how much of such technical issues can be just sorted out in post-production, pre-publication. So, maybe I’m thinking too much about the situation. Or not. I just don’t know.

Yeah I Fucking Hate The Bechdel Test

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I noticed in my Webstats that someone made a bee-line to my rant about my hatred of the Bechdel Test, so I thought I would write another post to make it even more clear: I fucking hate the Bechdel Test.

And here’s why — the point of any story is to entertain the audience, to tell a great yarn.

It should not matter if you pass this or that cultural or political test beyond that. Now, if I happen to past the dumb Bechdel Test, I will be the first to crow about it. But I’m not going to go out of my way to pass it because I’m going to be too busy struggling to tell the best damn story I possibly can.

The fact that the Bechdel Test is considered by its creator to be a “half-joke” doesn’t make things any better. So, you mean to tell me, that I have to contort my novel in such a way that two women talk about something other than a man…because of a fucking half joke in a comic strip?

Now that’s a form of “woke” that makes my blood boil and gets me ranting — and I’m not even drunk!

It Seems Inevitable That My Novel Will Pass The Bechdel Test

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

There was a version of the first scene of the third draft of the novel where the novel passed the fucking Bechdel Test. I unfortunately(?) had to re-write it to add some tension the scene.

And, yet, given how many women are in this novel it definitely seems inevitable that there will come a point when it passes the Bechdel Test. I wish I could feel some satisfaction in doing so, confident in the knowledge that I have passed an ever-so-important metric of the woke cancel culture mob.

AND YET.

I AM a smelly CIS white male and, as such, according to the woke cancel culture mob, by definition, I have no write to do anything. I can’t even give them the representation they claim to want because, lulz…I’m a white dude. That’s why I always get angry when I’m attacked online by people to the Left of me.

“I’m on your side!” I think.

I don’t know what to tell you. The two sides are receding from each other at an alarming rate. There’s just no middle ground anymore. Sometimes I am astonished by how self-defeating the woke cancel culture mob can be. While, in general, I’m pretty center-Left, too often “woke” people seem so consumed by their ideological goals that they miss sight of how they’re driving a lot of people who believe they’re “centrist” into the arms of fucking fascism.

Day 40: Well, Isn’t This Ironic

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve gotten into something of a groove when it comes to the first stage of writing this Beta Draft. I HOPE that I can wrap up a “private” Second Draft within a week or so, which would give me a solid month to really work hard on editing and rewriting things as necessary before I began to Beta Reader process.

I fucking hate this test.

That’s the hope at least.

Once I turn the Second Draft over to Beta Readers, I’m going to begin not only think seriously about how I’m going to go about the querying process, but also think seriously about what novel I’m going to start working on next. I thought I had a really solid scifi novel concept to work on, only to discover that there’s a very popular series that uses the exact same concept.

As such, I think I may say fuck it and start to work on the second book in this projected six novel project. I need something to keep my writing momentum going, regardless.

I would also note that even though I FUCKING HATE the Bechdel Test — this novel actually passes it! I just have so many female characters in this novel that I’ve managed to come up with a conversation — or two — where two women are talking about something other than a man.

I’m sure I’ll fucking get canceled for some other fuck reason — probably for the simple fact that I’m a smelly boy frequently writing from a female POV — but whatever the fuck woke people. It’s always the most frustrating to me when people come at me from the cultural Left. I’m on your side! Maybe if you didn’t have your head up your ass with such a strict orthodoxy, we wouldn’t be facing the prospect of living in a fucking fascist state.

Ugh.

Why I Fucking Hate The Bechdel Test

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I generally don’t believe that the “woke cancel culture mob” exists. What we refer to as the “woke cancel culture mob” is an amalgam of technology speeding up social change along with younger people having different expectations. Throw in how fucking MAGA cocksuckers use anything that makes them feel uncomfortable as an excuse to rant about people being “canceled” and, well, there you go — woke cancel culture mob is born.

But there are a few things that really irritate me when it comes to what the whippersnappers believe relative to me, the graybeard. One of those things is how passionately they believe in the so-called “Bechdel Test.” This test, proposed in a comic(!) is referred to even by its creator as a “half joke.” But the way the more woke among us view this test, you would think if anything you read that doesn’t pass the test, the book in question has be thrown across the room with great vigar.

I call bullshit.

But let’s look at what the test is. In essence it’s: “Two women must have a conversation about something other than a man.“

Now, it’s not so much that the test exists that enrages me, it’s that if I tell a great story and it (tragically?) doesn’t pass the fucking test that somehow I’m dinged for being a bad storyteller.

THIS MAKES ME VERY ANGRY.

The point of any art is to be provocative and to tell a great story. You go where the story takes you. It seems like the Bechdel Test is a hack crutch for people with no talent to make people who do have talent feel bad. I’m well aware that taking such a stance may not endear me to some literary agents when I start to query later next year. Ok, I get. But it’s not like I don’t validate those people who are really into the Bechdel Test. I do. Have it.

But any sort of test for art like the Bechdel Test seems…rather hackish? Great art isn’t supposed to have rules other than whatever you have to follow to convey a great story. And telling me that I have to twist and contort my work to pass the fucking Bechdel Test is not cool.

What’s more, I have so many female characters in my work that it’s probably going to be pretty easy for me to pass the fucking test that I keep ranting about! Now what?

Anyway. What’s the point of having principles if you’re not willing to suffer for them?

I Fucking Hate The ‘Bechdel Test,’ & Yet This First Novel Is Probably Going To Pass it. Go Figure


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I fucking hate the fucking Bechdel Test. I hate it because it’s a dumb self-avowed “half-joke” litmus test that progressives with their heads up their asses use on art as some sort of Leftist virtue signaling. And it comes from a comic of all things? I am being put through hell because of a “half-joke” proposed in a comic. What has this world come to.

In other words, I don’t come down to their office, knock the cocks out of Leftist cultural critics mouths and tell them how to do their job.

I hate the idea of their being some sort of ideology for storytelling. Just tell a great story. If two women happen to talk to each other about something other than a man, so be it. Ironically enough, I’m fleshing about a scene right now in the first novel I’m working on which would, in fact, pass the fucking dumb Bechdel Test.

Do I win the Olivia Wilde Booksmart Award, now?

Ugh.

Anyway, fuck the Bechdel Test.