Tag: Dua Lipa

Something Odd Is Going On In Pop Music These Days

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Pop start Dua Lipa came out with a new album and….meh. I’ve not noticed any cultural significance to it’s arrival. And I say this as someone who has in the past really enjoyed much of Lipa’s stuff.

Dua Lipa

And don’t get me started on the fan-service that was Taylor Swift’s latest album.

These developments make me wonder if we’ve entered a new era of pop music where everything is so diffused and segmented that someone like me — who is always up for a new song, album or artist — can totally miss huge swaths of the music industry.

I think some of this comes from my personal reliance on Spotify to introduce me to new music. I’ve not been pushed any of Lipa’s new music via Spotify’s discovery process. But even beyond that, there just doesn’t seem to be any cultural to her new album.

It will definitely be interesting to see what happens when AI-generated pop music gets good enough that it competes head-to-head with regular old human generated music.

Man, Dua Lipa Is Rather Chaste Compared To Madonna

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m old enough to remember how Madonna ran around quite naked in the late 1980s, early 1990s. It’s rather startling that someone like Dua Lipa — who clearly might be willing to nude for Playboy if it was still culturally relevant — is content with just the occasional spicy snap or faux nudity of a music video.

Its the rise of not just online porn but specifically OnlyFans that makes you realize what a brave new world we live in. Playboy is now a long-forgotten cultural backwater, a legacy brand. Meanwhile, mainstream culture in general has grown not only “woke” but rather chaste.

Of note — the moment MAGA Republicans have power again, they’re probably going to effectively ban online porn. It’s possible that soon enough that because of that specific act that Playboy may again have mass media appeal. I can’t predict the future, but such a thing is definitely one of those unexpected consequences of major policy changes.

I say all of this knowing how fucking dark the Playboy empire was in the shadows. But I do have an appreciation of the (romanticized) Playboy ethos. It would be so cool to bring back something like Playboy After Hours. That was the epitome of cool.

Is Dua Lipa Entering Her Nellie Furtado ‘Loose’ Era?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I can still remember way back when dinosaurs ruled the earth when a very giddy young woman came up to me DJing at the bar Nori in Seoul and asked for me to play Nellie Furtado’s new track “Maneater.”

“It’s huge in Bangkok right now,” she said.

It’s a great song. In fact, the entire album that Maneater comes off of is kind of the sweetspot of the type of music I love. I love music that has a beat and you can dance to it. As such, when I heard the latest cut from Dua Lipa, “Houdini,” my listening ears perked up.

The track is…really good?

It’s got that same Loose vibe to it. It’s not…quite…there…but it’s so close as to be no big deal. I would have the song go a little harder as a dance track, but beggars can’t be choosers. Houdini is a solid dance pop rock song. It’s not disco and yet is sure to get punk ass Zennials on the dance floor.

Anyway. I hope the rest of the album is as good as this one song.

I will note there is an amusing element to the song’s video. Lipa yet again gives us a little T&A…without actually showing anything. She loves to do shit like that. You go girl.

Overthinking Dua Lipa’s ‘Naked Dress’ & Her Desire To Be A Hollywood Actress

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Any rumination on Dua Lipa’s “naked dress” has to put it in context. For all the buzz around the dress, it’s not THAT naked. Don’t get me wrong, it’s rather revealing — and gorgeous just like Lipa herself — but other women, like Kate Moss and Rihanna, have shown more sheer skin in public in real terms.

To me, the point of the dress is to generate buzz….in Hollywood. Lipa is telling Hollywood directors that she’s ready for her closeup because she’s not afraid of showing T&A on the big screen. Which, of course, reminds me of how Tay-Tay will probably never get her EGOT because if she showed ANY T&A, her fan base of liberal white women would grow so enraged that that would break the Internet.

Dipa has perfected the art of being sexxy in a way where she doesn’t actually show what people think she’s showing. If she’s not wearing a skin-tight Mugler one-piece that has some skin tone stripes to it, she’s grinding on a mic stand in a very covering faux mini-skirt.

And, in real terms, she’s barely showing areola and it’s very clear that she’s wearing a very-wide thong under the dress. If she was really in a naked dress, all there would be in covering of her mons pubis would be a lot of strategic dress sparkles.

So, like I said, to me, this naked dress’ true audience is Hollywood, not us nerds. She’s trying to take her career to the next level by being an actress. She’s already in the Barbie movie, so it would make a lot of sense for her to push with all her might fully into being a full-blown movie star.

Modern Music Is Weird: Where Is Dua Lipa’s Pop-Rock Album?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It’s a testament to how fucked up modern pop music is that Dua Lipa is really leaning into neo-disco when, if this was 20 years ago, she might come out with a true pop-rock album.

I say this because the one person I can compare Dua Lipa to from the past is Nelly Furtado. Both women have deeper voices and, all things being equal, both women would have huge success coming out with traditional pop-rock albums.

But here we are.

Lipa is pretty much just doing neo-disco. That’s it. That’s the extent of her ability to do anything interesting — disco.

In general, everything sucks.

Dua Lipa ‘Unrelatable’ Discourse Is The Stupidest Discourse

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Jesus Christ. I heard a snippet from a New York Times podcast where some smug Twitter liberal suggested that, and here me out on this, Dua Lipa wasn’t as popular as she could be because she…wasn’t relatable?

Dua Lipa

What the what?

Now, one thing I have to get off my chest about Dua Lipa is she really needs to take a page from Rita Ora and be willing to “accidently on purpose” give her fans a little T&A now and again. As it stands, occasionally Lipa will give us plebs a sexxy snap….but it all very controlled. We get some skin….but not too much skin.

Anyway, the point is Dua Lipa is a smoking hot babe who has managed to figure out how to play into our idiot need for salacious titillation without really showing much skin. I’m impressed that she’s figured out that we’re all a bunch of fucking morons who mistake a short skirt (even with a bodysuit under it) as some sort of sexxy event.

But I think we should lay off Dua Lipa. She may not have much soul — she still struggles to dance — but she is hot as hell and has an exceptional voice. So all the talk about smug Twitter liberals about how her career is being held back by how unrelatable she is, is just fucking bullshit.

She has real stage presence and she’s about as famous as they come, no need to be more relatable. And all my talk about wishing we could get some “accidentally on purpose” sexxy T&A snaps is just me having grown up when Madonna was running around with no clothes on.

Dua Lipa, Have I Got A Novel For You…Eventually

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve imbibed a little bit, so I find myself loosened up enough to write about something meaningless — in real terms — like the following. I saw a Tik-Tok where Dua Lipa said she liked “dark thrillers” when it came to novels and movies and that got me thinking, “Hey, I’m writing a thriller!”

I know that she has a nascent movie career and, as such, given I have a huge ego and am always daydreaming about how Hollywood is going to adapt these novels I’m working on even before I finish them, obviously I came up with a perfect character for Dua Lipa to play in the inevitable movie adaption of the novels.

There is a small — but crucial character — in the series that Ms. Lipa would be perfect to play should I win the fucking creative lottery and stick the landing with this first novel to the point that Hollywood comes knocking. (This is all very dumb given I haven’t even finished the second draft of the novel, but I’m just daydreaming.)

Anyway. I’m kind of drunk at the moment. It will be interesting to see if I manage to stay sober long enough to actually query this first novel. Wink.

The Hilarious Romanic Intrigue Surrounding Dua Lipa

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

For the sheer value-free, fun-interesting element to it all, you can’t do better than the current mad dash to be Dua Lipa’s next boyfriend. This story has everything — Trevor Noah, Jack Harlow…and Kid Cudi? All you need is Pete Davidson to swoop in and play spoiler at some point — she is a brunette, after all — and you have a very fun celebrity story.

The happy couple?

So, as I understand it, Dua Lipa is living the dream of every single, gorgeous multi-millionaire, multi-million album selling artist. But she is single and ready to mingle. And she can’t just hang out with any broke ass writer who is a good conversationalist. Or, maybe she can? (Dua: call me.)

Anyway, she’s single, having just broken up with Anwar Hadid. The first person who shot his shot was Jack Harlow who wrote a song about her in a very conspicuous manner. Her response was….tepid. Then there are all these reports about various people who have had projects with Lipa the last year or so who have also shot their shot, only to fail.

Apparently, Miley Cyrus wanted to bump uglies with Lipa and got shot down. I’m starting to think that in person, Lipa is a regular Helen of Troy.

Then, recently, there were two major developments on the potential Dua Lipa hookup front. One is, she was seen canoodling in New York City with Trevor Noah. And THEN, Kid Cudi said in an interview, “Oh, by the way, Dua, if you want to work on something together this fall, call me up.” wink wink.

So, we’ll see. In a not-unrelated-noted, I still think that Ari Grande is working hard to get pregnant now that she’s married.

Unpacking Dua Lipa’s Life In The Public Eye

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Here are my hot takes on two issues about hottie Dua Lipa’s life in the public eye of late. The first one is about how she’s manages to be really hot without running around with no clothes on like, say, Madonna in 1989.

What Ms. Lipa does is she wears skin-tight clothes that actually aren’t very reveling. And she will do a sexxy dance now and again at her concerts with her mic stick which gives everyone dirty thoughts. But, to date, she has yet to really give her fans any T&A. It’s all been suggested.

And I think, in a sense, it’s a win-win.

She gets to scratch that particular itch in her psyche in a pretty mundane manner and her fans THINK they’re seeing a lot more than they are. Meanwhile, let’s talk about what is going on between she and Trevor Noah.

First — I have no idea what is going on between her and Noah. But I do know that she was dating Anwar Hadid and as I seem to recall that Noah was in, in some way, friends with one or more of the supermodel Hadid sisters. If that was the case, then, that would make a lot of sense.

But I may have gotten that wrong — couldn’t find any proof of it via Google just a moment ago.

I Am Amazed By Dua Lipa’s Personal Brand Management

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ok, let’s talk Dua Lipa. While she can’t dance, she (or her people) are among the best in the biz when it comes to making her both sexy and relatable. She has perfected her “brand” of being both just the right of unobtainable and relatable. I would compare her to that one stunning girl we all had a crush on in high school who would still allow nerds to help her with her with her homework with a knowing, compassionate smile.

Dua Lipa being her hot self.

And, what’s more, she’s perfected the art of using optical illusions to give men boners without really showing any T&A. For instance, there is the viral moment from one of her concerts where she, wearing a very short skirt, gyrates on her mic stand. This is all showbiz, of course. In reality, she’s very covered up and it’s just our dirty minds that fill in the gaps that don’t even exist.

We see something that LOOKS like her fucking her mic stand with a very reveling skirt, when in reality it’s her in a very well fitted outfit doing a provocative dance.

And, from what I can tell about Ms. Lipa, she’s always “on” without being arrogant. In short, she’s relatable. Which, in this fake age we live in, the gold standard. Women don’t see her as a threat and men see her as girlfriend material.