by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
The exact thing that I’ve been navel gazing about since I started this novel project has happened — someone won’t work with me because they did due diligence on me and came away thinking I was a freaky weirdo. I THOUGHT I had found just the editor I needed for this novel, but, fun fact, no. She begged off because she read this blog and, essentially, didn’t like what she saw.
I’m not for everyone.
Now, my gut reaction is that this means I’m doomed. That all my hard work on this novel is meaningless because, well, I come across as a “delusional jerk with a good heart” as the late Annie Shapiro said. Or, more specifically, this specific novel turns off liberal white women. Or a liberal white women literary agent will read this blog — and me writing about liberal white women — and throw up their hands in disgust.
As such, I start to think seriously about my back up scifi novel that is far easier to pitch because it won’t have nearly as much sex in it and will abide by the conventions of the day — single POV that adheres to my gender.
But the moment I think that, I realize that it’s probably not the novel that is the problem — it’s ME. I have a colorful personality and I don’t always follow the media narrative. I could totally see someone who didn’t know me look at the contents of this blog and be totally turned off with any novel I might generate simply because they think I’m a weirdo.
I also got the sense from the woman who turned me down to be my editor that she saw me as maybe too much of emotional investment, like she was afraid I was going hit on her or something. I get it. I validate those concerns.
But, again, it pretty much all boils down to I come across as a kook.
I continue to believe in this novel and am going to finish it and let the chips fall where they may. But this event has also been a swift kick in the ass about what my expectations should be going forward.
I do really need to spend some time fleshing out my scifi novel as a backup plan. It’s really good and it seems like it would be a lot easy to pitch because it doesn’t have the “part-time sex worker” element to it.
