Month: January 2024

We Are All Catturd

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


I can only get so worked up about whatever bullshit Catturd blathers on about because I know a few subtle changes to my personal history and I probably would be him!

Besides his fascist, MAGA polemical elements, one a personal basis he seems like just a dude who has figured out how to serve an audience. And, really, that’s what all writers want to do.

But I will note that one thing I find really annoying about Catturd is his, “Oh, little old me?” bullshit. He is so sincere in his support of what is a very fucked up, racist, misogynistic fascist political movement that is very grating on my nerves.

I have a least one person in my own life like him and that person really pissed me off, too. Anyway, in the end, Catturd will probably be seen as a quirk of our antebellum world.

Well, At Least One Group May Read This Blog

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m beginning to suspect that spooks — spies — may read this blog. I don’t know what to say about that. On one hand it’s very, very flattering that *anyone* cares what I have to say — even though I have long held that cool shit happens when people listen to me.

On the OTHER hand, wow. Just wow. If that’s true, I feel uneasy that I may be helping America’s foes when it comes to America’s dark fate. And, yet, as I keep saying, I can’t predict the future.

All I can do is give a general sense of what me, a ding-dong, thinks MIGHT Happen at some point starting around late 2024, early 2025.

I Might Do A Few Movie Treatments

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have a few ideas that are interesting movie ideas, but I don’t know how well they would do as novels. So, I think, if I can summon the energy to do so, I’m going to write a few treatments.

There is one currently semi-funny idea that if I could find a collaborator would be something akin to The Wedding Crashers.

And, yet, lulz, absolutely no one cares what I say or do. I could walk off the face of the earth right now and it would take a few weeks for anyone to notice what had happened.

But I do feel like forcing myself to go outside my comfort zone by writing and developing something other than this one story I’ve been working on for years.

We Need That ‘Black Swan’ Event Really Bad, Folks

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Oh boy.

I can remember talking to a minor member of The Powers That Be in late 2019 and we both agreed that Trump was going to win re-election without much trouble. The COVID happened.

So, I dunno.

It will be interesting to see if some sort of “Black Swan” event happens that throws what seems inevitable, up into the air and nobody knows what is going to happen.

I think the key thing to remember is that 2024 – 2025 may be one of the most momentous, fucked up periods of time in American — if not global — history.

Is Unfrozen Caveman Governor Ron DeSantis Going To Drop Out?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As of right now, it seems as though Ron “I’m just waiting for bad to happen to Trump” DeSantis is in it to win it. Not that he will. It’s all very curious. He’s just not very good at retail politics.

But it will be interesting to see what happens next. I think, for the moment, he’s going to linger until he is defeated in South Carolina, then he will pull the plug. So, I suppose we have a few more weeks or months of him pretending he has a chance at winning.

My Pitch For An Unfrozen Caveman Governor Sketch

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This is just me being silly. But, in general, I would replace the court room of the Phil Hartman Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer sketches with an Iowa / New Hampshire Town Hall.

Ron DeSantis

Then, the joke of the SNL sketch would be that Ron DeSantis’ actual policy agenda is so dumb and conservative that it’s what you might think of someone frozen during an Ice Age.

I, for one, think that’s hilarious.

Well, That’s Curious

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m obsessed with my Webstats. And today was curious because one specific blog post on this blog about Ron DeSantis got a huge amount of hits — like 10 or so. Given that, like, this blog on any given day gets about 20 or 30 hits a day that’s a big deal.

Given the subject matter, there are a few possibilities.

SNL
It’s at least possible that my link between Ron DeSantis and SNL’s Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer and this weekend they’re going to do a sketch about him that involves Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.
He’s About To Drop Out
This could mean that his staff knows he’s going to drop out and they read the blog post about how much he sucks. Or something.

Hmmmm……Did Nikki Haley Cheat On Her Husband?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


My hot take — barring Haley being in serious contention to be Trump’s veep….this is a meh. But I can’t predict the future so, who knows.

Well, *I* Think This Novel Is Getting Pretty Damn Good

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m in full swing editing and rewriting the first act of this novel as I prepare to get into the second act and things are going surprisingly well. Thinking about what I know about this novel in my mind, the big takeaway is it’s just not scary or twisted enough to be directly compared to, say, Gillian Flynn’s “Gone Girl” or Stieg Larsson’s “The Girl With Dragon Tattoo.”

But, even I, who have EXTREMELY HIGH expectations for any story, have to admit that this is shaping up to be, if nothing else, a really entertaining yarn. It’s the kind of story that will suck the reader in pretty fast just because they will want to see how I have a part-time sex-worker solve a murder mystery, if nothing else.

And, yet, I am so blasé and matter-of-fact about that element of the story, that I’d like to think it will be a unique twist to what people will compare it to — the “hooker with a heart of gold” and “sexxy, slutty assassin” tropes.

But there’s one thing I know — you just can’t win. If you take any risks, you are BOUND to somehow, someway offend a small, vocal minority of the audience who will be mad specifically because a smelly CIS white male dared to do anything other than stare at the ceiling and twiddle their thumbs.

So, I press forward.

I still need to work on a backup novel or two. But it’s tough. It’s really tough.

Should We Expect A Tay-Tay Bay-Bay Boom?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The thing about Tay-Tay’s most recent relationship is how….fucking normal it is. Her relationship to a big lug football player is like the long-dead heteronormative monoculture crawling out of its grave in one last gasp. She’s not dating a woman. She’s not dating a trans man. Or any other variations one might think up.

He’s just a big lug with a good personality who treats her well.

That’s it. Nothing that MAGA should object to.

And YET, those fucking MAGA idiots are so consumed with their thirst for fascist power that they hate on Tay-Tay…because she wants people to vote? THAT is enough get MAGA riled up?

Those guys are so fucking pathetic.

But all this does make you wonder if maybe there might be a little bit of a Tay-Tay Bay-Bay Boom if she settles down and drops a few kids. Ms. Swift is a grow-ass woman, she can do what she likes, but, relative to her fan base, she’s a little old to still to be single sans a family.

Would any of that fan base decide to have a baby if Tay-Tay had one? I dunno. It’s difficult to game out. It could go either way. But Oprah is the closest we have to judge Tay-Tay against and she never had kids at the top of her popularity.

And, yet, whatever. I don’t care. Just come out with a rock album, Tay-Tay.