This is just me screwing around, complaining about how Taylor Swift won’t shut up about short relationships from a decade ago. Write A Song About You lyrics by Shelt Garner @sheltgarner Please give credit if you produce or perform.
you took my virginity it’s sad but true but I’m going to fight back tell the world what is right and wrong when I write a song, write a song write a song about you
you think you have eveything down pat but I think you’re nothing but a rat people come and go that’s just swell I’m ready to exact my revenge it’s true when I sit down, sit down put pen to paper so I can
write a song about you write a song, write a song write a song about you write a song about you
you’re one of many who think they know what makes me tick it was long ago, it’s true but I still remember your smell how you lied to me made me think everything was well
(bridge) words fail me sometimes the music just isn’t there I’m afraid then I think of you once more my heart is filled with rage and I decide to
write a song about you write a song about you write a song about you write a song about you
Given that I don’t know anything about music, this is very moot and very silly, but it is fun to see if I can write a poem meant to be sung REALLY FAST. Edit A Blank Page lyrics by Shelt Garner @sheltgarner Please give credit if you produce or perform.
you can’t edit a blank page there’s more than enough written on my heart from the start for me to think I’ve gone a lot of work to do rewriting our love so I want to sing praises to the Heaven’s above
you can’t edit a blank page you can’t edit a blank page you can’t edit a blank page
I’ve got my pen out ready to mark cross out all the sin we’ve committed thinking maybe that will mend my way to the gates of Heaven if I don’t succeed then we’ll meet at the gates of Hell for all the pleasure we’ve had
you can’t edit a blank page you can’t edit a blank page you can’t edit a blank page
(bridge) words fail me I’ve got so many to say but for the moment I summon a blank because I want to be so frank about how you hurt me in the dark when your words were too sharp
you can’t edit a blank page you can’t edit a blank page you can’t edit a blank page
I have repeatedly attempted to write a song using the word “vortex.” This is meant to be a song greatly inspired by “Umbrella.” But I’m just letting off steam. Lulz, nothing matters. Vortex lyrics by Shelt Garner @sheltgarner Please give credit if you produce or perform.
pour me into the stream your love is just too much I’m ready to make my stand if I can have your hand but there’s no doubt just as I’m about to shout I have to deal with the vortex ready to suck me in vortex vortex ready to suck me in vortex
the warmth of your touch is more than enough make me want to pour myself a stiff drink and think of how it once was when things were peace and quiet before we moved mountians with our love and it was just you and me before the vortex ready to suck me in vortex vortex ready to suck me in vortex
(bridge) things will be still as can be when you’re lying next to me no more chaos or shame or people wanting to keep us confused everything will be right when we’re each other’s delight no more thinking about a
vortex ready to suck me in vortex vortex ready to suck me in vortex
This is a silly song about Taylor Swift’s virginity or a red scarf. You can take your pick. Red Scarf lyrics by Shelt Garner @sheltgarner Please give credit if you produce or perform.
you took my red scarf leaving me with knowledge of the tree it was the cherry on top to an brief affair leaving me reaching for a towel to pat myself down wondering what happens next now that you’ve stolen my
red scarf my prized posession is now more never to return even if it burns because my love for you was too strong I lost my red scarf red scarf red scarf
maybe I’ll write a song or two about you doing you but now I’m free of my youth ready to set a new path one with you in the past but my fans will roar knowing that you stole my
red scarf my prized posession is now more never to return even if it burns because my love for you was too strong I lost my red scarf red scarf red scarf
(bridge) let’s cross that bridge when we we get to it I think with a wink I’m now free without my scarf free of my innocence no longer a waif in the woods afraid of a pang of desire the I am ready for hire
but my I still don’t have my
red scarf my prized posession is now more never to return even if it burns because my love for you was too strong I lost my red scarf red scarf red scarf
I’m feeling inspired. So, here’s an attempt at a modern pop country song. I still don’t know anything about music. So, consider this a poem written such that it’s meant to be sung. It’s a lulz. I really need to buy a guitar. Drink Too Much lyrics by Shelt Garner @sheltgarner Please give credit if you produce or perform.
at the bar I trace the scar that is the memory of our love thinking of what once was but you’re never coming back ’cause you say I drink too much but here’s the rub you drove me to drink now I just sit and think of how you told me I
drink too much drink too much drink too much that’s just who I am that’s the plan now that you’ve left me with the pain I’m just going to sigh and drink too much drink too much
mamma told me of girls like you that you’d railroad me out of town maybe put me in prison but I’ve avoided that fate (for now) so all I can say is goodbye and I’ll buy another round with the thought of your last words before you said farwell with a smile that turned into a frown
drink too much drink too much drink too much that’s just who I am that’s the plan now that you’ve left me with the pain I’m just going to sigh and drink too much drink too much
(bridge) if you return maybe I’ll have cash to burn since I won’t be drinking so much maybe just enough to keep you laughing at my jokes (pass another toke) you’re the one for me my queen bee but you’re gone so I’ll continue to
drink too much drink too much drink too much that’s just who I am that’s the plan now that you’ve left me with the pain I’m just going to sigh and drink too much drink too much
This one is written to be faster — more like a Chvrches song. Something with a beat that you can dance to. Not Too Nice lyrics by Shelt Garner @sheltgarner Please give credit if you produce or perform.
See you around knowing what you’re about you’ve got someone it’s clear but your body belies the truth of what lies between your thighs we were meant to be it seems but for the life you have so all I get is a smile that’s
nice but not too nice nice but not too nice is your plan leaving me feeling like a clown nice but not too nice is your deal anything else and you squeal
I wanna be yours and you wanna be mine the sly leer of your grin as you meet me at the bar tells me all I need to know but your friends would never approve us — me and you so all I get is a bit of
nice but not too nice nice but not too nice is your plan leaving me feeling like a clown nice but not too nice is your deal anything else and you squeal
(bridge) if you gave me your heart maybe a touch of skin would we fall into sin with only the wind between us when we touch up against us but that’s not to be
nice but not too nice nice but not too nice is your plan leaving me feeling like a clown nice but not too nice is your deal anything else and you squeal
I’m drunk and sad. So, I’m writing a bit of doggerel to make myself feel better. the general vibe of this song would be Garbage’s “Drive You Home.” Something along those lines. Say Goodbye lyrics by Shelt Garner @sheltgarner Please give credit if you produce or perform.
you go out of your way to tell me you saw me make me think we’re cool soon you’re gone and I’m alone at the bar at the bar I think to text you but refrain you’re with your friends maybe later, later, later then I turn to look your way and you’re gone
gone without saying goodbye saying goodbye saying goodbye your empty seat is the closest I have to you answering my questions
now I’m alone at the bar feeling sad thinking of the conversations we never had never had, never had but you’ve got someone and I have no one so you like me, but can’t be too nice your empty seat tells all I need to know
you’re gone gone without saying goodbye saying goodbye saying goodbye your empty seat is the closest I have to you answering my questions
(bridge) if you were still seated would you smile my way let me think I might get laid or would we both be too afraid to ruin what you’ve got would we ever let our lust run riot
you’re gone gone without saying goodbye saying goodbye saying goodbye your empty seat is the closest I have to you answering my questions
One of my favorite books is “The World According To Garp” and in it, we learn that Garp’s literary agent has a “secret weapon” — his office’s cleaning lady. She’s the person who read Garp’s mom’s feminist manifesto and loved it so much, giving the agent some sense of its potential.
I’ve kept that plot point in my mind since I first read it many, many moons ago as a young man and I’ve gone out of my way to find just an average person to bounce novel and movie ideas off of to see what they think. The latest incarnation of this secret weapon is the young woman who cuts my hair.
I told her the plots of the four thrillers I’m working on and she was quite impressed. This made me very happy. So, I decided to try again when I got my hair cut today and gave her a broad outline of the screenplay I’m currently mulling.
She really liked the third act, which is currently the most developed part of the story. I’m even more determined to see if I can develop this specific concept into something I at least won’t be embarrassed by — the same metric I have been using for the thrillers I’m working on.
She liked the premise of the story even though it subtly belies my liberal-progressive leanings on an existential basis.
But I still have a lot — A LOT — of work to do. And I am going into this side project knowing I have the severe headwinds of Hollywood agism, where I live and also my general Twitter reputation as nothing more than a crank.
So, I’ve got my McGuffin and I’ve got a general plot. Now, the thing I’m struggling with it how I might toy with gender expectations with the characters I’m thinking up in my mind.
I like the idea that that my Hero has a lot of “potential” as the story opens — much like Luke Skywalker — but his Princess starts off as a tough as nails broad who helps him become the man he always could be. I guess that’s pretty much every Hero’s Journey, but I like to think I’m following the old saw of “Tell an old story in a new way or an new story in an old way.”
I’m really trying to follow the beat structure of A New Hope with this first attempt to write a screenplay. Since I have four –4! — thriller novels to work on, for the time being, this screenplay is just what I work on when I need to burn off some steam.
I’m not going to get too wrapped up in making the first draft perfect. In fact, at the moment, I don’t even know how to use Final Draft at all. That’s something I’m going to have to work towards. But I do actually own it, so once I figure out how to use the software, I can hopefully just sit down and start writing.
But to get that point, I need to flesh out the outline I have. I really like how with a screenplay you have some very strict beats you need to meet. I find that very freeing. I don’t have to re-invent the wheel. I just think up my beats for the outline and when I get to them, I pull the trigger.
The universe I’ve come up with is pretty cool. The screenplay itself has elements of Alien, Logan’s Run, The Time Machine, Star Wars and any thriller movie where a McGuffin is involved. But it’s also meant to have a pretty strong romantic element to it which would be the heart of the story.
But I have noticed, even this early in the process of development, that by making gender expectations more modern, the story is flowing a lot easier. The trick is, of course, not to be so “woke” that no one wants to watch it. You see, Olivia Wilde, there is this thing call “subtext” where you can preach all you want to and not alienate every CIS white male in existence.
As such, my Hero starts off a lot like Luke Skywalker, but by the end of the story he and his love interest throw themselves into the future as equals. I think audiences will really like that.
As of right now, things are moving really fast with the development of this first screenplay. A lot of this comes from my white hot fucking rage against MAGA and how this screenplay, like the four thrillers I’m working on, help me feel some agency when it comes to striking back at those fucking fascists.
I’m not a violent man, so, like the Little Drummer Boy, I can use my one talent — the ability to tell a damn good story – to fight MAGA at least in my own mind, if nothing else.
I’ve stumbled across a minor obstacle –what to do at the midpoint.
At the midpoint in your story, you’re supposed to have a false victory or false setback for your Hero.
At the moment, I honestly don’t have either one of those. But I still have time. I like the dynamic I’ve established between my Hero and his love interest. My Hero is very much inspired by Luke Skywalker, but in such a way that he feels a lot more modern.
It helps that the character is pretty much based on ME, too, but not in a bad way. I’m just taking elements of my own personality and running with them in such a way that hopefully it’s interesting and entertaining.
Your Hero is NOT SUPPOSED TO BE YOU. So. that’s another element of development I need to think about. I really like the universe I’ve constructed, now I need to figure out how to force my hero and love interest to be forced to run around it in a way that helps the audience see it.
I’m beginning to dread having to write a sex scene. But, I think as my first screenplay I’m going to grade myself on a curve when it comes to things like that.
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