Month: September 2021

The MAGA New Right Is Devoid of Shame


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of the many metrics one can use to look past the rainbows and unicorn farts that people like “Mueller, She Wrote” hope will safe us from the rise of autocracy is the MAGA New Right’s lack of any form of shame. (I only keep harping on the MSW Twitter account because they blocked me and I find it annoying.)

In the Before Times, when “Mueller, She Wrote” seems to still reside, there was this thing called shame. Even if nothing was criminally proven against you, you would resign in disgrace. This is back before Bill Barr (probably) told his good buddy Bob Mueller to wrap things up “for the sake of the country.”

Exhibit A.

But all that bullshit did happen and so we now have a situation where Trump has proven that if you just whip out your cock and wiggle it enough, the public grows bored and moves on to the next crisis. It’s been proven that any politician, having been accused of anything and I mean ANYTHING, can to go about their business, your liberal democracy is in deep fucking trouble.

And either you see that or you don’t. Either you are willing to admit that we’re in a severe, lingering political crisis or you think the we’re going to suddenly and magically produce the political will necessary to convict any number of MAGA New Right leaders.

Just using the metrics of what I can see with my own two eyes: we’re fucked.

What this means for you, gentle reader, on an individual basis, I have no idea. I hate violence, so all I got is…get a passport? Move somewhere in the country that fits your politics better? If I was writing for VOX where all its Tik-Toks are spoken in a received English with a severe vocal fry, maybe I could tell you want to do in some sort of explainer.

But I’m not. No on listens to me. God speed.

A Disturbance In The Force


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Hmm. The last few weeks, I’ve felt something shift in the cosmos. It’s as if I feel a ping from Something Big that is going to happen in a few months. I generally don’t believe in such bullshit — I’ve had such feelings before, only for them to pass — but, I dunno.

One thing it could be is I’ve finally figured out what my second creative “track” is going to be — photography — and I’m generally stoked about all the potential things that might flow from it. It’s going to be as late as around my birthday in February for me to get all the equipment I want, but I’m still feeling very pleased.

I finally — finally — know what the other thing I want to do with my life is. Also around my birthday, I’m determined to have four first drafts done of the novels series I’ve been working on. I’m a person who likes a deadline and so I’m determined to give myself a crazy short deadline in hopes of forcing the issue so I finally produce something, anything before I croke.

I remember what happened in Seoul in the late 2006 – early 2007 timeframe and I feel I can do it again: be famous for at least two major creative endeavors. For a long time, I thought it was going to be four novels and and writing screenplays…but now, it may be four novels and some sort of career in (fashion) photography.

But, lulz, I know, I know, I’m too old and I’m probably too big of a kook for anyone to take me seriously, even if I can consistently produce excellent photos. And, yet, this is my dream and I’m wasting my time with it, so leave me alone, ok?

It will be interesting to see if I can pull this rabbit out of a hat or if a year from now I’m essentially in exactly the same place, saying exactly the same things. That’s my fear, at least.

‘The Tank’ & Me


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

These days, I have the fashion industry on the brain because I’m allowing myself to be delusional enough to think I can actually break into it before I drop dead. This is a dubious proposition, at best, but thinking about it all the the time improves my serotonin levels a great deal.

Anyway, either you keep reading aware of the ” ” over all of this, or you take it too seriously and we can’t be friends. With that said — I wonder if I could outdrink Kate Moss.

Kate Moss, supermodel, tank.

Ms. Moss is almost exactly my age and, apparently her nickname is “The Tank” for the amount of drugs and booze she’s able to consume. I don’t do drugs — at all — but I do enjoy drinking a lot. Given the rather astonishing stories about her voracious ability to do various drugs, I doubt I could party with her big dogs. And, yet, I think it’s at least possible under very specific circumstances that I might be able to keep up.

I think if we were eating — say, Korean BBQ (galbi) — and drinking soju, we might be able to go shot-for-shot for a while. Given how much rye I drink on a consistent basis, she and I could probably down five or six bottles of soju apiece before things grew wobbly (for me.)

My ability to drink huge sums of booze is so uneven, however, that she might drink me under the table far sooner than I would prefer. But there is chance I could keep up with her. Or, I would just bow out once she and her friends turned to something a bit more…serious.

If nothing else, she would have a good time with me. Soju is like speed for me and it exaggerates my already colorful personality to such an extent that I can be quite memorable. I know, I know, all drunks say that.

Anyway, all of that is just a daydream. I’m a nobody in a flyover state at the moment. Pay me no mind.

The Texas Gutting of Roe V. Wade Epitomizes Everything Wrong With American Politics


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Despite how controversial it is, the Roe V. Wade decision continues enjoy a broad level of support across the political spectrum. This has not stopped MAGA New Right Republicans from doing everything in their power to overturn it, however. And, recently, the effectively got their wish and, by doing so, they caught the preverbal car.

America, 2021

Now what?

Well, contrary to what the nattering Blue Check liberals of negativism on Twitter may have you believe — not a lot. Our political system is so out of whack, so rotten, so corrupted by the ascent of autocratic forces that lulz, Republicans are going to get away with it. There will be no political consequences for them — they’ve successfully squared the circle.

For the moment, it seems Republicans simply want to deny what has happened — the gutting of a popular SCOTUS ruling — has happened. When it finally it overturned — probably this fall — they STILL won’t face any political consequences. None. There may be a lot of political anger and even protests, but, in the end, yet another bolt will have popped off our liberal democracy and we’re going to be one step closer to the existential choice of autocracy or civil war.

And, contrary to what people like, the Twitter account, “Mueller, She Wrote,” believe, no one is going to save us. We’re on our own. I’m not being defeatist with this “doom shit” I’m simply telling it like it is. We’re careening towards an unprecedented (in modern times) existential political crisis.

What I mean by this is now is not the time to sit back an rely upon our justice system to do what we would otherwise expect it to do — we’re fucked. Instead of believing some combination of rainbows and unicorn farts will end the MAGA New Right nightmare that continues to haunt us, we need to look at this as they are, not as we would want them to be.

The reason why abortion is so important is not abortion itself, but how it serves as a firebreak against those who would outlaw any form of birth control in an overarching effort to 1) control women 2) ensure there are more white babies, no matter what. And if those white babies live in squalor and turn into rabid MAGA New Right shock troops, all the better.

As such, the lack of political consequences for the MAGA New Right because of the end of Roe is all you need to know about the state of the American political environment.

My God have mercy on all our souls.

The Curious Case Of Tik-Tok Pushing Me Videos Of Emily Blunt On My FYP


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve finally come to believe that Tik-Tok can’t read my mind. I’ve finally come to believe that all that’s happening is their algorithms really are so good that what appears to be “spooky-they-can-read-my-mind” pushed videos is simply very good algorithm technology. (Which, I believe, in itself is dangerous and a national security risk, but, lulz.) I say this because I ran some casual experiments in my mind and, if Tik-Tok can read my mind, it chose to ignore the bait.

Also, I think a lot of what I’m noticing comes from Tik-Tok really REALLY rooting around in anything I do online, even if I’m not using my phone. Somehow, it’s also scanning what I’m writing right now and all that writing I’ve been doing for the four novels.

So, Tik-Tok is NOT reading my mind.

But, there is a specific aspect of Tik-Tok that at least causes me some puzzlement — the specific women’s videos it choses to push me.

This is where things get really, really, murky. How Tik-Tok would know I like a specific type of woman with a specific type of appearance is something I struggle with. That there are two or three women with the late Annie Shapiro’s phenotype that I get pushed is very curious indeed.

And then there’s Emily Blunt.

Even though she’s talented, witty and beautiful, I’ve never much thought of myself as a Emily Blunt fan. She’s just another hot brunette British actress who did a really great turn on SNL a while back, if I recall. But today, I was pondering all of this and something occurred to me — maybe it’s not Emily Blunt, but Alexa Chung that I’m being pushed via a proxy.

Now, at this point, I have to say that a long time ago I had something of a celebrity crush on Ms. Chung. An online troll played a prank on me, causing me to think something was real that was not real (sort of a catfish, if you will) and, as such, now I’m in terror that any mention of her on my part will cause the FBI or her “people” to swoop down on this blog, looking for proof that I’m a deranged fan.

This is not at all the case. I don’t even think about her at all anymore, feel extremely sheepish about the minor misunderstanding and just want to forget the whole thing. In fact, given that someone in Brooklyn is REALLY interested in me since I mentioned I want to cover NYFW at some point in the next two to three years, I suddenly am paranoid that her “people” are worried I’ll bump into her while taking street fashion pictures in 2022 or 2023.

Trust me, I will either actively work to avoid that from happening or if I did accidently run into her just because it was NYFW I would feel so bad that there was even a small chance that she would be alarmed at my presence that I would probably turn a heel and walk in the exact opposite direction to avoid that nightmarish situation.

In other words, leave me alone, FBI agent. Stop putting any post that mentions Ms. Chung in my file.

But anyway, back to the issue of Emily Blunt as an Alexa Chung proxy.

Why would I be pushed Emily Blunt if I’m not really a fan of hers? If you wanted to put on your tinfoil hat, you could say that since there aren’t that many videos on Tik-Tok about Ms. Chung, I get Emily Blunt videos instead.

Anyway. Lulz, nothing matters.

I have four novels to develop and write as quickly as possible.

‘Is Civil War Coming To The US?’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Short Answer: I don’t know right now. Ask again in mid-2024.

Long answer: Keep an eye on what Donald Trump does. There are currently about a dozen would-be autocrats in the United States who could easily transition the country into a Russian-style autocratic managed democracy given the opportunity.

Oh captain, my captain.

And, yet, for any of them to get that opportunity, they have to get around the one person who could single-handedly, through personal incompetence push us into the other alternative — civil war: Donald Trump.

I say this because Trump could have very easily transitioned the United States into an autocracy in the 2017-2021 timeframe because that’s what he was elected to do by the people who voted for him: turn the United States into an autocracy. Too bad for them, they voted for the “You’re fired” guy and they got an idiot moron who was too lazy to do even the most barest of work necessary to establish one.

And when he did do any work is was at the very last moment when he tried to organize an insurrection to browbeat his veep into not doing a job he couldn’t even not do if he wanted to — certify the vote.

So, it’s very reasonable to believe that if it’s Trump that history gives the responsibility in 2024-2025 to transition the United States into an autocracy, he’s going to fuck it up so bad that we have a civil war. The people who love him so much are in a personality death cult. They love the “idea” of him so much that they are willfully ignorant to how what they want — a Russian-style autocratic managed democracy — is a lot more likely to happen under the guise of a President DeSantis, Cotton or Pompeo than ding-bat idiot Trump.

And, yet, that’s who they love, so they may get a civil war that destroys us all rather than a capable Great Man who would peacefully strangle America’s 240 years of democracy over the course of two or three years.

But a lot could happen between now and the general 2024-2025 timeframe when it appears we’re most likely to have some sort of severe political crisis. I will note that the earlier any type of “civil war” is triggered, the more likely anti-MAGA forces will win.

Since I get accused of “doom shit” by people Twitter liberals actually listen to, the minority report would be that, no, we’re not going to have a civil war. Somehow, magically, Trump and his whole ecosystem will somehow magically be brought down by a combination of hubris and a Justice Department that, to date, has not shown any indication that they’re going to do anything — ever — about Trump. What’s more because of how dire the rot within our political system is, somehow, even more magically, even if we do pin the planning of the January 6th Insurrection on Trump and friends we’re going to have the political will do hold them accountable for it. Instead of, say, just a big old lulz.

So, are we going to have a modern Civil War in the United States? The conditions are there for one, yes, but we’re not there yet. It’s going to be a few years before we reach a tipping point.

Probably.

A Future In Fashion Photography



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of my better shots from Seoul. Such a beautiful subject.

Oh, Jesus am I old to be thinking about trying to break into fashion photography. I’m too old. I live in the middle of nowhere. And don’t really have a background in anything that might give me an “in” to the business. In other words, I’m being pretty delusional to even contemplate it.

But what I do have is talent. A lot of it. And a love of fashion as an art form. As I’ve grown older, I’ve grown a lot more jaded about thinking I’ll be accepted by any of the characters in the industry — without a huge, massive amount of hard work, natch –but I’m notorious for taking a tiny opportunity and running with it to such an extent that I shock the “haters and losers” who think I’m better simply to not talk at all.

An early attempt at fashion photography in Seoul.

One reason why I love fashion photography is the female form is, by definition, art and there’s a lot you can do with it because a woman catches the eye of sexes. It’s interesting, on a creative basis, to toy with expectations and interests that people have about what people wear and the beauty of the female form.

Or, you could say the above is pretentious bullshit and I know I have an organic talent for photography and I like taking pictures of hot chicks in beautiful clothes. All I can say is, welp, you caught me. My entire life, I’ve had an eye for beauty. In the past, I’ve latched on to a subject an event to the point that husbands have gotten annoyed, to put it lightly.

What a great subject. Another shot from the Seoul era.

The key thing is to remember is no one ever got anything from playing it safe. Also, as I approach a milestone birthday, I’m growing very, very nervous that I’m going to shuffle off this mortal coil having not really accomplished anything. And I like idea of having a lot on my creative plate.

Yes, I have four novels I’m working on, but why not throw myself into attempting to break into fashion photography as well? I like a challenge and I like proving people who think I’m just an Internet crank wrong. So, here I am, patiently waiting to save up enough money to buy a Nikon 780 so I can begin to try to establish myself as a fashion photographer.

We’ll see, I guess.

John Mulvaney, Olivia Munn & SNL As Celebrity Dating Service


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The news that John Mulaney is Oliva Munn’s new baby daddy has got me thinking about how old this whole imbroglio has me feeling. Though, given Munn is 41, I think it’s safe to say what happened was she wanted a baby and she “accidently on purpose” get pregnant while she still could. (You go, girl.)

Anyway. I feel old because when I was growing up, SNL was just a TV show. Yes, I remember in the late 70s staying up way, way, way past my bedtime to watch the original Not Ready For Primetime Players, but otherwise, this business of Lorne Michaels becoming a celebrity matchmaker leaves me scratching my head.

What the what?

What about my old cultural friend would lead it to be some sort of celebrity dating service? All I can think of is a LOT of celebrities like having a direct link to the show given how culturally important it is now and how pretty much every celebrity alive passes through its doors at some point in their career.

And, for some reason, SNL’s behind the scenes office politics is legitimately interesting. I have no idea why, but I think some of it has to do with it’s interesting to hear the wild behavior of the show’s larger-than-life cast members.

Though, in passing, it’s so interesting that Great Britain doesn’t have an SNL-like show. Or, put another way, there’s no live show in the UK that is so good that it has become a cultural touchstone for global English speakers.

We Stan A Queen — We Have Got To Talk About Halsey’s Very Exposed, Very Dark Areola On The Cover Of Her New Album


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

By Apple Music, Fair use.


I find myself becoming a Halsey fan because of what I’m hearing on her latest album. It’s not perfect — it seems all over the place thematically with the only the holding it together is Trent Reznor wants to remind us that he was in NIN. Ok, we get it Trent.

The first time I saw the album’s cover on Spotify, I did a double take — was it possible I was seeing what I was seeing? A reproduction of a very famous piece of art that involves a baby and a very exposed, very dark areola? I’m very pleased with this image because it’s interesting and it doesn’t treat us like children.

If nothing else, it will get her stans to look into some art history to find out why they’re seeing something so mildly provocative. Motherhood has only made Halsey more attractive. She’s a real babe in her more buxomly itineration.

But the album itself is really, really good. I just wish Reznor was a bit more adept in its production. The whole thing is a mess. It derivative production on individual songs occasionally takes away from how great the album is as a whole. A few of the songs are real bangers (bops?). Being new to Halsey the singer as opposed to a celebrity I barely know anything about, I continue to be taken aback by how beautiful and unique her singing voice is.

Not to sound TOO much like a dirty old man, but I continue to struggle with why someone like Dua Lipa has not “accidently on purpose” given us some T&A. She’s a real stunner and it’s weird that 30 years after Madonna ran around naked we’ve grown more puritanical. Maybe she’ll do it in the Hollywood movie she’s set to star in soon.

Time To Do Something Radical With The Development & Writing Of These Four Novels


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Things are going really well with these four novels that I’m developing and writing all at the same time. And, yet, there’s a problem — I’m lingering a little too long on the beginning of the first novel.

I keep revising and revising the exact sequence of scenes to a ridiculous extent.

I’m giving myself an astonishingly tight turn around timeframe. I want to finish the first draft of the last novel no later than around my birthday in February. I’ve done a back-of-the-envelope schedule for myself and to fit into it I need to break this bad habit of mulling the beginning of the first book so much.

As such, I’m moving on. Leaving scenes blank beyond their description in the outline. I can come back to the scenes I haven’t finished at some point later in the process. I know what I’m going to write in them, it’s just something doing so causes me to tinker with everything over and over again to the point that I don’t get past the first three chapters.

This is not, in the long run, sustainable.

So, instead of fucking with chapters 1, 2, 3, of the first novel, I’m going to delve into its chapters 4, 5, 6, 7. As it stands, the first act ends around Chapter 10 (the exact number keeps bouncing around between 7,8,9 & 10). But these four novels are so good, so interesting and I have the looming prospect of buying a Nikon 780 in the next few months in front of me that I’m feeling a huge amount of self-generated pressure to put up or shut up.

My writing and storytelling ability is so much better than it was when I started this process. Time to rock.