by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
I’m not perfect. I freely admit that I can come across as a kook if you don’t know me personally. And I have something of an obsessive personality. But as the late, great Annie Shapiro said about me at the height of the emotional war we were engaged in at one point, the worst you can say about me is I’m a “delusional jerk with a good heart.”
So, while my long-term plans at the moment are to write four novels and see if I can become a professional fashion photographer, the latter idea is more about giving myself some hope than anything else. There are many, many obstacles to me getting anywhere near having any success as a professional fashion photographer and, really, at this point, me talking about it tantamount to using The Secret to make it happen.
I’m growing paranoid that, I don’t know, Alexa Chung knows who I am and thinks I’m some sort of deranged stalker? I can’t express how bad even the abstract fear of that being possible makes me feel. I’m a lot of things, but a menace isn’t one of them. I’m a kook, crank even, but usually anything I do that is off putting to people comes from me not having much of a mental filter and also having no idea what the “right” thing to do is most of the time.
But I don’t know. Hopefully, I’m giving myself too much credit. I’m a big ol nobody and have been since I left South Korea. Yet, I do have an organic ability to take a good photo. I just want people to give me an opportunity based on my ability, not some misunderstanding about me otherwise.
And, yet, life is not fair. You have to work with the cards you’re dealt, especially when you’re middle aged and no young anymore.
So, again, as I said, at the moment, me talking about being a fashion photographer is nothing more than me giving myself something to think about other than writing four novels.
I don’t even have a camera yet.
But once I do have the camera I want, I’m going to start going out of my way to find things to take pictures of. I am the first to admit, however, that I’m probably 20 years too old and, really, I should just shut up and lie in bed all day so no one knows I exist.
That’s just not my speed. I’d rather go down in a blaze of glory (hence, the four novels) than play it safe. Every moment of life is precious and it’s up to each of us to do the best with what we have.
