Month: June 2020

My Novel’s Heroine Is Shaping Up To Be A Combination of James Bond and Lisbeth Salander



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The more I think about it, the more I may have fire in a bottle with this novel. It’s not perfect — it’s just the outline of the first draft at this point — but I do think that about two years worth of development may, at last, be about to come to fruition.

I’ve come up with a heroine with a very, very unique background who is also something of a would-be spy (of sorts.) I really believe in this story, but I also know my limitations. It’s more likely than not that this whole thing is going to be an colossal disaster. And if it’s not a colossal disaster, someone is going to steal a creative march on me, making the whole thing moot.

But I guess I can enjoy what I’ve thought up while I can. It will be interesting to see what will happen to the outline when I finally start to write again.In the past, at least, I’ve started writing and the whole thing has gone haywire and I have to start all over again.

Hopefully, however, this time, at least, that won’t happen. Hopefully, my dream of coming up with an American answer to Stieg Larsson’s original Millennium series will at least come within shouting distance of being true. And, yet, given my age and background, lulz, who am I fooling?

At least I have no one to tell me “no.” As such, I can daydream in a vacuum far, far beyond what I might do otherwise. Generally, everyone wants to tell me I suck, so if I don’t have people telling me I suck, then maybe I might be able to produce the type of novel I know I have in me.

One major problem with all of this, of course, is how difficult it is to come up with a “female James Bond.” By definition, it’s very easy to slide into the “Sexxy Slutty Assassin” trope if you try to do that. But while Lisbeth Salander is a vigilante with Asperger’s, my heroine is far, far more accessible. And, in a sense, the two books I’m working on serve as her spy “origin story.”

But, who knows. Everyone thinks I suck.

Hit A Major Milestone With The Novel’s Outline



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

While things aren’t perfect, I’ve finally reached the the midpoint of the novel’s outline. As such, I’ve left the “Fun and Games” aspect of the story and am now in the ‘Bad Guys Close In” part of it.

As such, the whole dynamic of the story has to change. Another issue is I’m into the part of the story have no idea how to develop — the police procedural portion. So now, I have even more reading than I had before. I have so, so very much reading to do. I wish I could have a research assistant of some sort help me with development, but I just don’t see that as possible at this point.

But the reading will do me good, I suppose. I’m hoping to wrap the outline portion of development by the end of June. I hope to start writing again on the novel one way or another just after the July 4th weekend.

I am the first to admit that I’m going into all of this rather oblivious and clueless as to how one might actually get a novel published. I barely even understand what’s supposed to be in a query letter. But all of that will come, I suppose, given time. That’s part of the point of it all — to learn how far I can get in this entire process before I have to self-publish.

We’ll see.

Idle Musing About Dave Chappelle & The Novel I’m Developing



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I daydream a lot. I say this especially now as I develop a novel. And, truth be told, the more serious I get with this novel, the less I care about what happens to it once I should happen to sell it.

I just want to go through the traditional route of trying to sell a novel. If that doesn’t work, then, and only then, will I self-publish. Anyway, I do, however, on occasion, daydream about who would play certain characters in this story I’m developing.

I always had a vague notion that maybe I could come up with a Dave Chappelle-type character for the novel and it appears as though I have. The character comes in during the second act and is something of a mentor to the Hero. There’s a twist to the character at the end of the novel which makes it all the more interesting.

I really want to have a lot of representation in this novel on an organic, not self-conscious level like, say, Glee. This is meant to be a very American story — an answer to Stieg Larsson’s Millennium series and, as such, it has to have a wide-spectrum of people in it to achieve that goal.

Anyway, I have several stars in my mind for different characters. I only do that simply to have a reference point, not because I think the novel will ever be optioned. But it is fun to think about during the long trudge through development and writing.

This Novel Has No Literary Aspirations


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have a small library of books I want to read as part of the development of this story (one story, two books.) I have so much I want to read — and learn — that I’m a little nervous (but not too much) that I’m going to come out the other side over shooting my goal rather significantly.

It’s all rather amusing. Everyone — EVERYONE — thinks I suck. That’s all I hear about every aspect of anything creative I want to do: you suck. So I have something of a creative chip on my shoulder. But I’m working as hard as I can to at least not embarrass myself.

This novel pretty much wades into every major cultural wedge issue with guns blazing. My vision is to wade into a number of extremely controversial subjects in a way that is at least palatable to people from a wide spectrum of political views. Except MAGA. They can fuck off, those fucking American Nazis.

What I need is an editor. I need someone to help me figure out what’s important if I have two ideas that are of equal value in my mind. But I’m flat broke and pretty much everyone has an agenda if you’re not paying them, so lulz. It’s comical how poor I am at this point in my life and no one is going to help me unless I pay them.

And, from what I can tell, editors are extremely expensive, even to look over a small portion of a work-in-progress.

Anyway, this novel is meant to be a fun, breezy read. That’s it. I want you to be able to pick it up and read it straight through over about three days. I want you to read these two novels so fast you lose sleep, maybe get to work late. That’s my dream, my goal.

I’m nervous that if the novels accidentally get too literary that that aspect will slow down the reading experience some.

But, really, that’s just me daydreaming, pysching myself up.

Lulz!

Music Is At The Heart Of This Novel



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m listening to a lot of soundtracks of serious, dark thrillers these days, hoping that some of it will rub off of me as I develop this novel. I simply don’t take myself all that seriously, so I need to get into that vibe as I develop the novel.

At the center of this story (two novels, one story) is music. I’ve come up with a rather unique way to use music in this novel. I only use titles of songs because, well, the medium is the message and all that. But I’m hoping people like me who like the type of music I like will dig it, as they say.

One of the layers of this novel is me reminiscing about those few, brief — but extremely exciting — months in Seoul in late 2006, early 2007. I simply can not tell what really happened in a way that anyone would want to read because it’s a tragedy with a forgone conclusion.

But I can, essentially, hide that story inside another story.

As such, I’ve spent a lot — A LOT — of time figuring out how to re-create the dynamic in my personal life during late 2006, early 2007 when I was publishing a magazine and DJing at a expat bar. Pretty much the entire novel, by accident, is simply an excuse for me to remember how cool I briefly was a long time ago.

I’m going to try to work music into every aspect of the novel. This, of course, hopefully, will make it easier to adapt into a movie should somehow I manage to sell this thing after all is said and done.

We’ll see.

My life in Seoul, 2006-2007.

Writing A Novel Is A Marathon, Not A Sprint



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m hard at work no the outline for the novel I’m developing and I’m quite pleased. It’s going at lot faster this month. I have given myself a deadline of just past the July 4th weekend to wrap the outline up.

The story (two novels, one story) is extremely ambitious. I’m trying — at least in my own mind — to tell the allegorical tale of the entirety of the Trump Administration (or at least, maybe, the first term). I have no doubt House Trump is going to steal the 2020 election, so I’m extremely safe in making some pretty basic assumptions about the next four years.

I believe people are going to be so upset with how House Trump stole the 2020 Election that they’re going to be willing to read a novel that rants about House Trump in not-so-hidden terms. Even in the unlikely event that House Trump doesn’t simply burn the Constitution on FOX News around Jan 20th, and we actually are able to physically remove Trump from the Oval Office without him nuking us into oblivion the story is good enough that people will still want to read it.

Now, of course, this is the point where I have to let myself down easy. A lot of writing a successful novel, a “break out” novel, if you will, is simply dumb luck. You are able to throw a rock into the dark after several years of development and writing and strike something.

But I’m still not quite at the point where I have to let the “real world” into my fantasy world. I can still simply daydream my way through development, hoping that maybe I will, in fact, strike gold.

On The Nature Of Fate



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As a form of entertainment, I have begun to play the lottery little bit more than I used to. The likelihood that I will ever win has definitely not improved, but I do dwell a little bit more on what I might do with the money if I ever did win.

I find myself thinking about the events leading up to that day’s drawing, wondering if there is anything of note or out of the ordinary about them. Anything that might give me some sense that I might actually win.

I think that, in itself, pays the price of the ticket. All that dwelling on what I might do with a sudden huge amount of money is enough to keep me entertained for a little while.

Anyway, today has been rather dull.

Nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

Idle Rambling About The Novel I’m Developing


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Things are going well with the novel I’m developing. I just have to focus on what I’m doing and not worry so much about what the context of it may be when I try to sell it.

I need to finish the outline and start writing by July 1st or at least just past the July 4th weekend.

That is, at least, the current goal.

I’m doing a huge amount of reading so I can flesh out the characters. I just need to close. I need to wrap this up sooner rather than later.

Of Brad Parscale


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ahhh, Brad Parscle.

The thing about ole Brad is he dresses like a dandy, but has the facial hair of a Hell’s Angel. It’s that quality of him that’s so off-putting. You can’t wrap your mind around what your seeing.

He’s a huge fucking grifter, too.

But that’s not to say he’s not great at his job — he is. He’s pretty much the brains behind the malignant tumor that is the Trump campaign. Anyway, he’s make a huge amount of money off of Trump.

Parscle is obviously smart enough, driven enough and good enough at his job that Trump is probably going to win. Though, I can’t help but continue to think about how Trump is removing one third of the US troops in Germany by September. Definitely sounds as though he’s doing that in exchange for Putin hacking directly into our election systems.

And, yet, I will be the first to admit that I can’t predict the future. Who knows what’s going to happen tonight, tomorrow or a month from now.

Screenwriting And Webstat Paranoia



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I saw in my Webstats that someone looked at — out of the blue — a post from about two years ago about a screenplay concept I briefly had. This makes me nervous because:

  1. They were from Brooklyn.
  2. They obviously got it as a link (how did the person who send it to them find it?)
  3. Are they going to “steal” that idea?

Some of those are just me being paranoid in general — I have a pretty well developed novel on my hands and even if someone “stole” that concept, it has nothing to do with what I’m working on right now.

I guess I’m more nervous about people being able to poke around my Website without me knowing about it one way or another. But you can’t change the past. You can’t have absolute control over who sees what you post online.

And, given that me talking online is, in itself, part of my development process, lulz.